View allAll Photos Tagged acupuncturist
What an awful few weeks it has been health wise. First I had tendonitis in my shoulder, then a soft tissue injury to my knee (no idea how that happened) and this week I had another stomach flare-up so have in bed for the past few days and back on anti-biotics. No idea when my surgery will take place - I am one of 5 million awaiting surgery. Due to Covid, everything has been on hold and it will take an age to catch up. Unfortunately, due to my stomach issues I am unable to take the type of painkillers which would aid my pain in my knee and shoulder. I think I will take myself back to the acupuncturist who was my salvation last time I needed pain relief. Anyway I am back in the land of the living so upwards and onwards as we say.
Hear is Pixie sitting by the pond, with here tail in the water. Strange that all of the cats will sit like this and never seem to notice that their tails are getting wet.
Happy Furry Friday everyone
Wishing you a healthy and happy weekend
i started my favorite season with a goal to pick up my camera every day of spring. this lasted a little over a week. failing at my own ridiculous expectations of myself is always a bit depressing, but i'm moving on with a new goal to try very hard to make space for some much needed creativity, which is therapeutic and balancing for me. it's a very challenging time at work...and what feels like the biggest crossroads in my life. i can't really handle any more pressures, like telling myself i need to take a picture every day, but at the same time, when i tell myself i need to take a picture every day, i pay more attention to my surroundings and i end up capturing moments that i would have passed by otherwise...and i love that.
so, i will try to take a picture on most days. for the love of spring, and new beginnings. for the emerging colors, my dogwood tree, and my never-ending love of conor, who will model in all the best patches of light.
i wish i had more time to connect here. life is...ugh, not the greatest at the moment...not because of anything bad, just because i need to figure out some things that are not easy to figure out. i'm talking about work. it's all about work. ugh :-/
it's funny. someone connected to me at work sent out this newsletter with all the latest whatevers, and at the end there was this motivational picture that said : "Please ask yourself: What would I do if I weren't afraid? And then go do it." My very first immediate thought was : I would sell my business. (not the intended reaction - haha)
So, that's where I'm at these days. I definitely need to take some pictures of flowers :))
P.S. this is my acupuncturist’s space. i love the light in this room!
View Large
But in America, where ignorance is commodified, heads have holes.
EXCERPT:
Harriet Hall, a retired family practitioner who is interested in quackery, has summed up the significance of acupuncture research in an interesting way:
Acupuncture studies have shown that it makes no difference where you put the needles. Or whether you use needles or just pretend to use needles (as long as the subject believes you used them). Many acupuncture researchers are doing what I call Tooth Fairy science: measuring how much money is left under the pillow without bothering to ask if the Tooth Fairy is real.
Improperly performed acupuncture can cause fainting, local hematoma (due to bleeding from a punctured blood vessel), pneumothorax (punctured lung), convulsions, local infections, hepatitis B (from unsterile needles), bacterial endocarditis, contact dermatitis, and nerve damage. The herbs used by acupuncture practitioners are not regulated for safety, potency, or effectiveness. There is also risk that an acupuncturist whose approach to diagnosis is not based on scientific concepts will fail to diagnose a dangerous condition....
Continue to full text:
www.quackwatch.com/search/webglimpse.cgi?ID=1&query=a...
###
Late the other evening, for reasons that are unclear, Lucy's back "blew out" again with a newly herniated disc placing pressure on her spinal cord. Luckily we have amazing 24/7 emergency veterinary care here in the Pioneer Valley.
Lucy's "team" of vets, techs, docs, chiropractors, acupuncturists, knowledgeable friends and those who love her have all been amazing in getting her through the past, critical 48 hours. While her hind legs are still paralyzed, most of the other acute symptoms, as well as the intense pain, are subsiding. It looks like she'll make it through this latest bump in the road!
Cross your fingers, and perhaps offer up a few prayers, that her body functionality comes back fully so she can be back playing with us in the gardens she so loves (...and stealing cherry tomatoes before they freeze!)...soon! ♡ :)
Thank you, for your visits, comments and faves!
I can trade this card as a special trade. I will trade it for a card from my favorites.
***
Everybody knows…
shit happens
TAOISM – ”if you understand shit, it isn’t shit”
HINDUISM – “this shit happened before”
CONFUCIANISM – “confucious say ‘shit happens’”
BUDDHISM – “shit will happen to you again”
ZEN – “what is the sound of shit happening?”
ISLAM – “if shit happens it is the will of Allah”
SIKHISM – “leave our shit alone”
JEHOVA’S WITNESS – “knock knock, shit happens”
ATHEISM – “I don’t believe this shit”
AGNOSTICISM – “can you prove that shit happens?”
CATHOLICISM – “if shit happens, you deserve it”
PROTESTANTISM – “shit happens, amen to that”
JUDAISM – “why does shit always happen to us”
ORTHODOX JUDAISM – “so shit happens, already”
TELEVANGELISM – “send money or shit will happen to you”
RASTAFARIANISM – “let’s smoke this shit”
HARE KRISHNA – “shit happens rama rama”
NATION OF ISLAM – “don’t take no shit”
NEW AGE – “visualize shit happening”
SHINTOISM – “you inherit the shit of your ancestors”
HEDONISM – “I love it when shit happens”
SATANISM – “sneppah this”
CAPITALISM – “this is MY shit”
FEMINISM – “men are shit”
EXISTENTIALISM – “what is shit, anyway?”
SCIENTOLOGY – “if shit happens, see Dianetics p. 137”
MORMONISM – “excrement happens” (don’t say shit)
BAPTISM – “we’ll wash the shit right off you”
MYSTICISM – “this is really weird shit”
VOODOO – “shit doesn’t just happen – we made it happen”
DISNEYISM – “bad shit doesn’t happen here”
WICCA – “you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times”
COMMUNISM – “lets share the shit”
MARXISM – “you have nothing to lose but your shit”
CONSPIRACY THEORISM – “THEY shit on us!”
PSYCHO-ANALYSIS – “tell me about your shit”
DARWINISM – “survival of the shittiest”
AMISH – “modern shit is useless”
SUICIDAL – “I’ve had enough of this shit”
OPTIMISM – “shit won’t happen to me”
TREKISM – “to boldly shit where no-one has shit before”
SHAKESPEAREAN – “to shit or not to shit, that is the question”
DESCARTES – “I shit therefore I am”
FREUD – “shit is a phallic symbol”
LAWYERS – “for enough money, I can get you out of shit”
ACUPUNCTURIST – “hold still or this will hurt like shit”
DOG – “I just shit in your shoe”
CAT – “dogs are shit”
MOUSE – “oh shit! a cat!”
POLITICALLY CORRECT – “internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens”
EINSTEIN – “shit is relative”
FAMILY GATHERING – “relatives are shit”
MATERIALISM – “ whoever dies with the most shit, wins”
VEGETARIANISM – “if it happens to shit, don’t eat it”
FATALISM – “oh shit, it’s going to happen”
ENVIRONMENTALISM – “shit is biodegradable”
AMERICANISM – “who gives a shit”
STATISTICIAN – “shit is 84.7% likely to happen”
HIP-HOP – “motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!”
TANTRISM – “fuck this shit”
CYNICISM – “we are all full of shit”
SURREALISM – “fish happens”
#day5 #5of365 #birds #2021th29 #feathers
I was surprised to find out that my acupuncturist was able to open today, especially as I have been told to shut down any close contact services. This was on the walk back from my appointment. And, yes, it did feel slightly like Hitchcock ..
Since I couldn't get a close up of a wild gosling...I did the next best thing, I photographed a domesticated White Goose gosling ! That's the best I can do for now. This baby belongs to my cat's veterinarian/acupuncturist.
Locke CA > Historic Chinese Town Est 1925 > Chinese Medicine
Locke Chinese Medicine is located at 13927 Main Street. This building was originally a residence. This store is operated by Diane T. Thomas, who is an RN, a Licensed Acupuncturist, and a Diplomate in Chinese Herbology.
Horse kicked the crumbling wall and gave a snort.
“What’s wrong?” asked Sprite.
“Just lost my new job after two hours as an acupuncturist,” moaned Horse.
“Oh dear,” replied Sprite. “What happened?”
“Eh…” sighed Horse. “I just didn’t get the point…”
I took three photos on Saturday. They're all very different.
The first was before I went to the acupuncturist about my hand. It's sassy and sweet and a little bit sexy. I took the second after the appointment, lying on my back beneath graffiti that says Endless Struggle. This is the third photo, after I took a long walk and found a quiet place to think.
The acupuncturist looked at my hand and pretty immediately recognized it as Dupuytren's Disease. It's chronic, hereditary, and usually affects middle aged men of Northern European descent.
Obviously, I'm not the prototypical Dupuytrenian. And as far as my family has told me, my roots are Irish and native, so, no Northern European in me. ....in fact, the common consensus on non-Scandinavian sufferers seems to be that the genetics were disseminated by Vikings.
What is going on is basically that nodules are developing around the tendons in my hand, and eventually they will cramp down on my tendons until I have a permanent contraction - fingers perpetually bent.
There is no cure in the canon of Western Medicine. In fact, the only really recommended treatment seems to be needling...basically what I'm already doing with acupuncture.
At this point, my hand is in pretty mild stages. But I am young, and it's only supposed to get worse.
And now that I understand what is happening with the contraction, I realize I have had symptoms for over ten years already; beginning in college I have occasionally found my ring finger stuck in a bend. I even went to the hospital for it once when it was bad. I was about 19. The hospital didn't know what was wrong; they gave me a pregnancy test and sent me home with some tylenol.
So honestly I have been bouncing back and forth between feeling very happy that I still have mobility and use of my hand and ...well basically grieving.
My hands are everything to me. My painting. My photography. My writing. My violin. My climbing. My dance.
I really can't imagine losing them.
....Brigid is having a lot of feelings right now.
At first I thought this was hilarious but then I started thinking, is this really appropriate at a medical clinic? Also, guys with small parts often get put down by our media. Maybe you need them all the time.
I'd really like to get your opinions on this!
Dear Ruin,
Well, I finally watched 'How to Survive a Plague.' I was glad to have seen it, though it sent me into a vortex of sadness. I thought it was good.
But it got me thinking about our Plague. How we survived that. It was so very Irish of us. Funnier. Less political. Very self-deprecating. Maverick. I would like to make that film. Or write that book. There would be a sequence of us running through the streets howling with something akin to despair, but not quite despair. Despair lit up with hilarity. Shooting experimental movies in TriBeca. Lost snakes. Breakfast at the Moondance Diner, with confessions. Long subway rides to the Lincoln Hospital in the Bronx to get acupuncture with the junkies (my acupuncturist who treated me there, for nothing, is now provider to the stars and I can never get an appointment with him or afford him). My memory is shot.
Dearly departed Jeffrey would play the Wizard of Oz.
The truest words for me were at the end. When one guy talks about how he cannot plan for the future. I still can't. I still feel provisional. Though the damn truth is that we are all provisional all the time, it's just that when that truth becomes too acute it can impede your progress. As in all things, even mortality should be taken in moderation.
Well. Jolly jollies to you and 'Him Indoors'. I'm glad I got to spend my Plague with you.
Much love, Rack
I was diagnosed a little over a year ago with Ulcerative Colitis, and during this time I have had an endoscopy, a colonoscopy, two flexible sigmoidoscopies, medication changes, acupuncture sessions, chiropractic sessions, and many consults with various doctors and specialists.
Well, yesterday marked my second acupuncture session and my diet consult with my acupuncturist/chiropractor. He said that in order to escape the pain of my acute flare-ups from UC, it would be in my best interest to become Vegan.
I know I can do it and have actually thought of becoming a Vegan before. If you have any Vegan recipes, cook book recommendations, or tips for me, I would love to hear them.
I don't know how this is all going to turn out in the end, but I am more than willing to do it if it means being well again.
Hope you are all having a lovely weekend... miss you... hope to feel well enough soon to be back here on a more regular basis...
a BIG congrats to my awesome/ talented/ beautiful wisband for passing her 3rd (and final) board exam today, and will now soon be a fully licensed acupuncturist!! YAAAAAy...!
©MadDreamer ©2👽22/All rights reserved. Do not use without written permission from photographer/artist
So last week we knocked down the wall into the space next door that used to be an acupuncturist/record store/game designer to DOUBLE the shop. Sooo much space..
Above: The pugs suffering the embarrassment of $2.00 elf costumes from the bargain bin at Target. I think they look like canine figure skaters in these outfits. LOL
For everyone wondering about Yoda's first visit to the acupuncturist... it was yesterday. This first visit was just a consultation/evaluation. The vet looked at Yoda's x-rays and told us that he not only has disc problems, he also has spinal arthritis (spondylosis) and bad hips. He thinks that Yoda's pain will respond well to acupuncture. Hopefully, that will mean a lot less medication. Yoda's first acupuncture treatment is scheduled for January 2nd. He'll go every week for four weeks, and then just "as needed."
Acupuncture was amazingly affordable - just around $35.00/visit.
Also, Yoda has been getting around a bit better the last few days. We've been able to skip the deramaxx for four days now. He's not moving as freely as he used to, but at least he's not crouching and trembling in pain.
Well ....
My new neighbor's balcony
Upon close inspection
Lot's going on here
Life's crisscrossing patterns in a light show !
The mind's eye is a wonderful thing
Abstract art is what the viewer makes of it
In that realm and realm only, still is a ....
Vue sur Mer ( Ocean View )
Moving the rest of my stuff tomorrow !
Moving is similar to choosing a porcupine for an acupuncturist !
:-)
Bonsoir
In this world - Moby
www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmP_gH9F3yc&feature=fvwrel
g
Montreal
So last week we knocked down the wall into the space next door that used to be an acupuncturist/record store/game designer to DOUBLE the shop. Sooo much space..
After sampling several historic ponds over a two day period (all on private land with permission) for Black-spotted Newts in south Texas, we managed to turn up a single individual under a study board at the edge of an ephemeral wetland. Getting to the pond was serious business. Pushing through waist high cordgrass (Sporobolus sp.) felt like a sadistic acupuncturist was taking out their fantasies on our lower regions. Still, the newt was acquired and in the process some scientific data was collected on a species that is struggling to survive in a region that is seeing less and less average annual rainfall. Rainfall that is essential to this species' reproduction.
This is a very special one for me - Luna and I have battled her fear aggression issues since her adoption at 14 weeks. She and her littermates were found abandoned on a Turks and Caicos beach and were estimated to be 4 weeks old. They were flown to NYC to a vet hospital and kept caged until their adoption. Luna was the last one to find a home.
At first she was terrified of everything - then she started to show specific fears and a big one was men - especially men with hats.
Thankfully we had the resources of veterinary colleagues, acupuncturists, trainers and friends. Happily I have seen her blossom over the years and become more mature and confident. It has taken a LOT of hard work and patience.
A year ago a wonderful cowboy came into our lives - she was distrustful, jealous and snappy at first (and he was a little nervous, understandably.)
Now he calls her "my buddy, my pal and my friend." This is joy and we are truly a happy family, which I never thought would have happened so fast!
- Evening sunlight at the beach - a photographic goal this year -
Today is another post-and-run day. Sorry. I hope everybody is fine.
Zoe Bear's cough, which has lingered since early April is now being treated with daily injections of Baytril, through Saturday, and I actually think it might be starting to work. We got through most of last night without her coughing. Interestingly, during the day what gets her to stop coughing is licking, so I'm getting lots of licky-lick kisses on my face and hands.
Her kidney disease is causing all sorts of other problems, so we're trying to get that under control with diet and hydration. She's also developed neurological symptoms (tripping, falling--though those have abated--walking a bit sideways, and hyperaesthesia) which I, apparently wrongly, attributed to the Hycodan she'd been taking for her cough but now is more likely due to the pressure of the longstanding arthritic lesions in her back, which is what the vet thought was happening in the first place. She did a complete neurological exam yesterday morning and ruled out a brain lesion, which is a relief. She sent her report to a veterinary neurologist at UGA to see what he has to say, and we're awaiting word on that.
Zoe Bear is also anemic, which is making her lethargic. She also has a HUGE cyst on her kidney and a mitral valve that's leaking, causing a heart murmur, the latter two problems discovered by an ultrasound exam. The eye ulcer has healed, but the brown pigment is still intruding into her pupil, so her left eye vision is compromised.
The vet says she is NOT in pain, and indeed she does not seem to be in pain. She's just acting tired and depressed and sometimes off her feed, and she's not at all interested in playing with her toys, but her tail still wags, and my little one has not given up yet, and neither have I...yet. I will not let her suffer just because I don't want to lose her.
UPDATE, 6/7/13
Her cough is quite a bit better after five days of Baytril shots, the last five of which I was trained this morning to give her myself from now on. She has stopped eating her kidney diet canned food or kibble. She's now eating boiled chicken and white rice cooked in organic chicken broth, mushed up with a pestle (since my mini food processor, in the cabinet for a year, decided not to work just when I needed it to puree the food), but her kidney disease often doesn't let her keep the food down, so this morning she needed another Cerenia (anti-nausea) injection along with her Baytril shot and the last (for now) sub-Q hydration.
We're mostly sleeping through the night now, and she's acting a bit more perky than at her lowest point, but she is certainly not herself and never will be again. It's a matter of keeping her comfortable now. I may see if there is a veterinary acupuncturist nearby to see if that would alleviate her arthritis discomfort now that she's decided she doesn't want Dasuquin anymore (glucosamine-chondroitin), nor does she like a different kind of joint relief formula that I just offered her. Sigh.
We're still fighting, and as long as she's willing, so am I.
UPDATE, 5/8/13
She is feeling much better today. She is walking and even scampering almost entirely normally, making me feel that it was indeed the Hycodan that caused the neurological deficits, not her arthritis, and the longer she's been off that narcotic, the better she is feeling. I'm not sure, especially since the neurological exam placed the blame on her arthritic lesions, but all I know is she is moving well today. And she ate all her 1/4-cup meals of a little chicken in a lot of rice (she can't have a lot of protein), and she's barked to let me know she wants to go outside. Because of so many months of a chronic cough, she had completely stopped barking, so it's good to hear her get her voice back. She even responded to some "trick" commands (right paw, left paw, lie down, put your head down, go to sleep, get up), and even fetched her green cotton ball a couple of times. There are still many challenges ahead, but at least today she has rallied.
UPDATE, 6/9/13
A step backward this morning. She hasn't been feeling as alert or comfortable as she was yesterday and, indeed, she ate only 1/8 cup of her chicken and rice meal at 7:30 a.m. and a few minutes ago threw up what looked like all of that plus a lot of yesterday's food, completely undigested. She's going to go downhill fast if she can't digest even boiled chicken and rice.
I gave her a tiny bit of mashed potato with an even tinier bit of chicken. Let's see if she can hold it down.
UPDATE, 6/13/13
She has been eating and digesting and not throwing up meals of 75% mashed potato and 25% boiled chicken, mushed together in a little water. That is good for now, but it won't sustain her long term, so I may need to consult with a veterinary nutritionist, although the referral process to the one recommended to me is cumbersome, and the fees are pretty high, and I wouldn't be able to interact directly with that vet (only through mine), so I'm not sure about that option at this point.
Yesterday I took her to a holistic vet who gave her the first of what may be a total of six weekly acupuncture treatments for the arthritis in her back which is apparently what has been causing her to trip and lose her balance, even though, thankfully, that problem seems to have abated somewhat even before the first treatment. After that, she might need a treatment a month for a while before tapering to periodic treatments. I also ordered a different type of joint supplement since she had stopped wanting to take Dasuquin, which had been very effective for years. I'll be getting that early next week, and I hope she'll like it.
She still has a slight cough, but it's nowhere near as debilitating as it had been for those months, and she's actually feeling good enough to be barking again. I never thought I would welcome that sound as much as I do.
UPDATE, 6/13/13, 9:15 a.m.
Has anybody heard that after a first acupuncture treatment, dogs feel worse? Zoe Bear is not feeling as well as she did before the treatment. She's in more discomfort and is walking more stiffly and seems on the verge of disorientation.
I just spoke to the vet who performed the treatment, and she said that she also gave her a massage at the end, and it was that that might be causing the discomfort. She wants me to give her a heat treatment and call her about 4 pm.
UPDATE, 6/13/13, 11:45 a.m.
Even though she had started to move better, I took her to my regular vet, where she loves to go because there's always positive energy there and where she was prancing around almost like a puppy and even getting up on her hind legs, begging for a treat. My vet said, "She looks better than she has in three months." We've got the cough under control, the diet under control, and the arthritis responding well now to the acupuncture. This is one spunky dog!
Thank you, all, for caring and sending your love and good wishes for her.
PS-My vet suggests leaving well enough alone right now and just keep giving her boiled chicken and mashed potatoes and not worry about adding vitamins or fish oil or anything else for about a month or longer. The most important thing is that she is eating (and with gusto) and keeping food down and digested.
******************
So last week we knocked down the wall into the space next door that used to be an acupuncturist/record store/game designer to DOUBLE the shop. Sooo much space..
His name is Gideon and he protects me. When I went to my acupuncturist after getting the tattoo she threw up her hands and said: "Augh, did you know you just tattooed a dragon over your HEART chakra? Well, we'll work around him."
After sampling several historic ponds over a two day period (all on private land with permission) for Black-spotted Newts in south Texas, we managed to turn up a single individual under a study board at the edge of an ephemeral wetland. Getting to the pond was serious business. Pushing through waist high cordgrass (Sporobolus sp.) felt like a sadistic acupuncturist was taking out their fantasies on our lower regions. Still, the newt was acquired and in the process some scientific data was collected on a species that is struggling to survive in a region that is seeing less and less average annual rainfall. Rainfall that is essential to this species' reproduction.
So last week we knocked down the wall into the space next door that used to be an acupuncturist/record store/game designer to DOUBLE the shop. Sooo much space..
[Explore] Keiko [my cat] sees an acupuncturist ...and is nearing the end of her visits. This senior pomeranian pooch has the appt before ours. She's a real cutie and doing well. It was raining out...what else is new? So she was wearing this hooded rain coat.
Ms. Pine, already known for her exquisite embroidery work, aspires to be a New Age acupuncturist.
This photo was taken by a Kowa/SIX medium format film camera and KOWA 1:5.6/250 lens attached to a T/1 (75mm) extension tube with a Kowa Y2 ø67 filter using Rollei RPX 100 film, the negative scanned by an Epson Perfection V600 and digitalized with Photoshop.
"The rapidity of the change in prices during January 1637 must have led some tulip-watchers to conclude that the price rises were unsustainable. Some of the prices were indeed high. If we compare them to contemporary commodity prices on the Amsterdam exchange, we find that for the ƒ1000 one might pay in January 1637 for one hypothetical Admirael van der Eyck bulb, one could have bought 4,651 pounds of figs, or 3,448 pounds of almonds, or 5,633 pounds of raisins, or 370 pounds of cinnamon, or 111 tuns of Bordeaux. On a more everyday level for most Dutch people, ƒ1000 would buy a modest house in Haarlem, or, if we look at consumables, 11,587 kilos of rye bread, or 13.4 vats of butter, or 5,714 pounds of meat."
from Anne Goldgar's "Tulipmania - Money, Honor, and Knowledge in the Dutch Golden Age", published in 2007 by the University of Chicago Press (p.224-225)
Pain is a weird thing. When you have it...you can't imagine it ever being gone...and when it's gone, you don't remember what it was like when you had it.
It upsets me...emotionally. John, my acupuncturist/"therapist" tells me to go into the place that is bothering me and sit there and see what I find. This is great advice...except that most often I just don't have the energy (or the space or the time) it takes (or the energy, space or time I *think* it will take) to go there.
I'm still waiting for some warmth to return...Caspar and me both, I think!! I want to feel warm and relaxed and not cold and tense...and hurting... *sigh* Spring still seems to be waiting in the wings...(and there's just a heck of a lot going on this month, too!).
It's all good...it's all just a part of the process. The journey itself is that which makes me a more compassionate individual. I just wish it would hurry up already :)
London photowalk #7
An off the hip candid. hurrah for AI focus on the 5d mark 2
Also kudos to the girl who was wearing these. How she could stand up is a black art requiring 2 x chromosomes for balance....
The economic downturn may mean that you are thinking of retraining as an alternative healer. You might be tempted to invest your redundancy money or savings in training courses and equipment. Think again. It may be far cheaper and much more lucrative to invent your own brand new form of quackery. Most forms of alternative medicine are at most only a few decades old or have only become popular recently. If others can become famous and wealthy by doing this, why can’t you?
Here is the Quackometer’s Guide to inventing a new branch of alternative medicine in ten easy to digest and holistic tips:
1. Minimise specific effects
Right. Let’s get one thing out of the way. Your newly designed alternative medicine is very unlikely to actually work. Progress in medicine does not happen with people just making stuff up, but instead relies on remarkable insight, careful analysis, detailed research and long and expensive clinical trials, with lots of false starts and wrong turns before progress is made. You will not have the time, inclination, money or intellect for this.
So, with little chance of being able to offer real benefit to your clients, the best you can do is to ensure you do as little as harm as possible. To this end, make sure your new quackery is inert, neutral and inconsequential in action. Take your inspiration from existing and successful alternative medicine. Homeopathy is just plain sugar pills. Acupuncture is just little pin pricks. Reiki is just hand waving. Bach Flower Remedies is just a few drops of brandy. Reflexology is just a foot massage. Even chiropractic is just a vigorous body rub.
If you make the mistake of delivering real effects, then you may well be found out and your new business will come to sticky end. That is why we do not see old sorts of quackery anymore such as blood letting and trepanning.
2. Maximise placebo effects
Make your treatment theatrical. Make your customer feel as if they have been listened to, been taken seriously, and then had lots of effort made on them to create a cure. This will ensure any available placebo effect is maximised. People will feel better about themselves if you make the effort. We know that the more dramatic the intervention, the greater any placebo effect will be.
So, spend at least an hour with your customer, asking lots of detailed questions, just like a homeopath. Use arcane terms and be thoroughly paternalistic, just like an old-fashioned doctor. Wear a white coat and have a brass plaque outside your spick and span clinic – just like a chiropractor. Get an impressive Harley Street address. Use equipment with dials and flashing lights. Take x-rays. Put certificates on your wall and, if you are doing well, have attractive receptionists. Give the impression you are creating your cure just for this patient. They are special. Make them feel so.
3. Choose what you want to cure carefully
The bread and butter illnesses for alternative medicine are the self-limiting (hayfever, flu, morning sickness) and the chronic but variable and cyclical (bad backs, arthritis, mild depression). The number one reason for people believing in alternative medicine is that it ‘works for them’. What this means is that their particular complaint just happened to improve sometime after rubbing whatever magic beans they had chosen.
Chronic illnesses are ideal – they represent repeat business. Bad backs are a classic. People will come to you when their backs are really playing up. Cast your spells, crack their bones and stick a pin in them and their pain will become less noticable. It will have gone away anyway. But now you have a loyal and evangelical customer. Correlation is causation to your customer. “Regression to the mean” is your friend. Understand it and use it.
Have excuses ready if things are not quite getting better yet – or even if things are getting worse. Homeopaths expect to see ‘aggravations’, that is, things getting worse before they get better. To them, it is more proof that the sugar pills are ‘working’. Have a story ready for every outcome, good or bad. Never admit you have failed.
Avoid illnesses with obvious end points, like death. Getting payment may be the least of your problems. If you want to be heroic and tackle illnesses like AIDS and cancer, best do it offshore. Find a country with fewer regulations, much lower standards of healthcare and more vulnerable people. Homeopaths tend to go to Africa to treat AIDS or prevent malaria. They might be imprisoned here. Find a nice spot in Spain for treating cancer. Or Mexico, if you are from the US.
Invent a ‘wellness’ programme. Tell people you can help them even if they are feeling fine. It’s preventative, you see. Chiropractors are masters at roping people into prolonged, expensive and unnecessary treatment programmes, all in the name of ‘wellness’. Nutritionists ensure people are popping highly ‘personalised’ lists of vitamin and mineral pills and creating a continuous and easy revenue stream for you.
Perhaps the most lucrative path is to invent illnesses. Create your own problems, diagnostic techniques and cures and you can provide an end-to-end service of imaginary illnesses and cures. The Detox industry has thrived on this. Food intolerances and allergies have made shed loads for vitamin pill sellers. Electrosensitives have been sold millions of pounds worth of useless EMF trinkets and neutralising boxes. People love their daily aches and pains, tiredness and mood swings to have a name and to have something to blame. You can provide a wonderful service by filling in the gaps for them.
4. Embrace the language of quackery
It is compulsory that you start using a few alternative medicine terms. ‘Holistic’ is probably the most important one. It will mark you out as a caring alternative type who wants to get to the ‘real’ causes of your illness, rather than superficial, but ‘money spinning’ ones, like viruses, genes and your smoking habit.
It does not really matter how monomaniacal your treatment is. All homeopaths ever do is dish out sugar pills and blame problems with your vital force. Acupuncturists stick pins in you and blame blocked Chi. A chiropractor will crack bones, even if you have an ear infection, and blame subluxations. Toxins cause all illness. So do parasites, acidic blood, vitamin and mineral depletion, miasms, vibrations, whatever. Pick one and stick to it. Describe yourself as holistic. No one will notice that you are the exact opposite.
‘Natural’ is another compulsory word. Do not trouble yourself that your treatment is completely unnatural. Vitamin pill sellers claim naturalness, despite their ‘food’ being the most highly processed and ‘space age’ form of nutrition imaginable. Be careful about what sort of ‘naturalness’ you highlight. Bach Flower Remedies work because they embrace the ‘goodness’ of the countryside hedgerow flowers. As John Diamond remarked, the public imagination might not have been quite so transfixed by ‘Bach Spider Remedies’.
Avoid using the term ‘alternative’ to describe your ‘medicine’. It is very 20th Century, and also frightens a potential lucrative source of income – government and insurance companies. Even ‘complementary’ medicine is falling out of favour. The hot button is ‘Integrative’. You want your business integrated with the health care provision of the state and private sectors. There is lucre there beyond your wildest fantasies – and the respectability of state endorsement. You do not want to be an alternative to a real doctor. Nor do you want to be complementary to them (some may see this as secondary and inferior). No, you want to be a ‘choice’ – a ‘lifestyle choice’ for the modern health consumer, and they can select you from within a single integrated market. Choice is the biggest biggest buzz word in healthcare politics in the UK. Make sure you offer it. People critising you will look like they are restricting consumer choice – always a bad thing.
5. Adopt the victim posture
Sooner or later, you may be asked why your new medicine has not been more wildly accepted and recognised by the medical establishment. The answer is simple: you are being suppressed by that very establishment. A powerful cabal of vested interests is trying to prevent the public from knowing about your discoveries and successes. ‘Big Pharma’ is the bogey man here. Use them to frighten the child in your customer. Highlight medicine’s failings and side effects and never mention their successes. If a critic highlights the successes of medicine, deny them and blame sanitation or fresh vegetables, or something. Under no circumstances, should you ever admit that a vaccination might be a good thing.
Say your invention cannot be patented and commercialised. No one can make money out of it (apart from you, but don’t mention that).
If a critic asks you for evidence about your treatment, then do anything but answer the direct question. Scream that the questioner is closed minded and probably a shill from Big Pharma. Say that your patients’ successes are all the proof you need. Claim that your technique does not lend itself well to ‘conventional’ scientific testing. But if some dodgy paper does exist, then wave it around furiously, despite just having claimed that science cannot measure what you do.
6. Wear the mantle of science
People love science. They do not understand it, but they love the authority of science. Most people form opinions based on various authorities in their life. So, embrace the authority of scientific language, but ignore the methods of science – the methods may show you are speaking hogwash. Your customers will not be interested in the details. They will never check references or take the time to understand what you mean. But they will be impressed by science experts and scientific language.
Quantum physics is your friend. Few people have any appreciation of it. And you can use the language of quantum physics to form cod explanations for whatever you like. Prefix the word ‘quantum’ to your treatment name. It sounds really impressive. Tell critics that they are stuck in a ‘Newtonian paradigm’ and that it is the quantum physicists that are really understanding what you do. Get a postmodernist sociologist to write some quantum gobbledegook to back up your claims. They will have no qualms – after all, science is just another ‘text’ and all viewpoints are valid. Another good trick is to claim foreign scientists back up your work. This makes it much harder to check. Russian science is a good bet – especially Russian scientists working on the space programme. Failing that, Chinese science is an excellent alternative, or even obscure Eastern European Universities. Cheeky people claim NASA pioneered their work. Few check.
Adopt the forms, behaviours and appearances of scientists. Once you get going, hold seminars and conferences. Book rooms in real universities to add kudos to the meeting. Remember to always book university rooms in the Medicine or Pharmacology departments, and never in Engineering, English literature or Law. Create a learned journal and publish ‘peer reviewed’ articles. However, never talk about data – that would be getting to be too close to real science. And you want to avoid that like the plague.
7. Envelop yourself in ancient origins
Having embraced the authority of science, you should also delve back into the historical origins of your treatments. Do not say that you have discovered your techniques – rather you have rediscovered them. Most alternative medicine has only really been around for the last fifty to a hundred years or so. Even Traditional Chinese Medicine was packaging and refinement made in communist China and then exported to the world.
Take a leaf out of the Ear Candling trade. They picked on an obscure American Indian tribe on which to base their claims of antiquity. Despite the Hopi writing to the manufacturers to deny the claims and to request they stop using their name, nothing has changed. People like to think they are tapping into ‘ancient wisdom’ and more ‘natural’ health approaches. Preferably use an Oriental connection. This is much more beguiling (and also harder to check). Ear acupuncture was invented in France and reflexology in America. Both are now found as part of the ‘traditional’ Chinese repertoire.
You may base your technique on some genuinely old practices like herbalism or acupuncture. But always overplay your ancientness. Acupuncture is claimed to be thousands of years old, despite thin steel needles not being invented until the seventeenth century and the first acupuncture point charts appearing at the same time. (Ancient China used bloodletting techniques with sharp flint blades – and this has been ‘re-interpreted’ as acupuncture).
8. Adorn yourself with titles and awards
Chiropractors love to put a brass plate outside of their office with the title ‘Dr’ on it, despite them not being medically qualified or having a higher research degree. It works though, so use it. People believe chiropractic to be some sort of medical discipline. If you do adopt the title ‘Dr’, it is also compulsory in alternative medicine circles to suffix your name with Ph.D too. It is a giveaway that you are a quack to sceptics, but your customers will be thoroughly impressed.
If you do not have a PhD then do not worry too much. There are correspondence courses where you can get one for a few thousand quid. A wise investment. Gillian McKeith was unlucky in being caught out. Chances are, you will not be. If you really have balls, just style yourself Dr anyway. It is not a protected title – it is yours to use.
But don’t stop there. How about Professor? You might get lucky, like Patrick Holford did for a while, and get invited by a minor university to teach. The title ‘Visiting Professor’ is so grand. Even easier, claim you are a professor from a very obscure overseas university. If it has burnt down and no longer has a web site, your claim is impossible to check. It will still get you onto the comfy sofas of day-time TV.
Awards are also impressive. Get someone to nominate you for a Nobel Prize. Anyone can do this. They may not accept your nomination, but hey? It is compulsory in alternative medicine circles to be nominated more than once, so you can describe yourself as ‘three times nominated for the Nobel Prize’. The Nobel Committee does not publish lists of nominees for understandable reasons. Otherwise, they would have to list my cat who I have annually nominated for the Economics prize.
9. Create two web sites and embrace weasel words
Legal matters need some attention. But not much. If you are selling through a web site, best not make too many bold claims about the effectiveness of your treatments. Trading Standards Authorities may come down on you like a ton of bricks. There is an easy way out: create two web sites. On the first, make as many bold claims as you like. Create a newsletter and ‘Health Club’. Fill your site with all your speculative and unproven nonsense. But, whatever you do, do not sell your product – maybe, just a few books. What you are doing is creating a ‘brand’. Then, set up a second, apparently unconnected site, that sells whatever you like and trades on your brand, but makes only very bland claims and no real claims to effectiveness. Easy. Sometimes, the web is so full of nonsense that might support the sale of your daft product, you do not need the first site: just tell punters to Google it, like Julian Graves does.
Be careful what you say in advertising. Do not claim to be able to cure things. Instead, claim to ‘treat’ illnesses. You may be totally unsuccessful, but you are not lying. Your punter will not notice the subtle difference between treating and curing. Learn lessons from Chinese High Street Herbalists who simply list ailments on the windows of their shops whilst making no claims whatsoever. Look at the Society of Homeopaths for their excellent exposition of weasel words.
10. Create a training programme and set up a regulator
Finally, to rake in true wonga, do not just sit around waiting for your next mark to visit you and hand over fifty quid. Real money is made by training others in your new practice. Set up a correspondence course and training programme. Set up an ‘Institute’ and award diplomas and certificates. A very minor university may even accredit you. It does not matter that your course is just made up idiocy, all that matters to Universities is that paying students will attend. They will tick the boxes to show that you are properly setting ‘learning objectives’ and ‘assessment strategies’ and you are away. Chiropractors have this one sown up with Universities underwriting their degrees. Take a lesson from them and ensure you tell your students that they are getting an equivalent ‘post graduate’ education to a medical doctor, even if this is patently false. Also, learn from chiropractors and spend half the time teaching them good business practices. You do not want your students to fail commercially.
Writing training materials may be hard work. You could follow the Reiki method, which is essentially a pyramid scam. Reiki practitioners are ‘trained’ by having a previously trained Reiki healer ‘attune’ them – essentially, wave their hands over them in a special way. Fees get passed back up the chain. They can then go on to ‘attune’ other people – usually ex-customers. Marvellous.
Then you can really kick off with the accreditation thing. ‘Skills for Health’, the government training quango, can then develop National Occupational Standards for you, just like they are doing for Homeopathy and Reiki. It matters not one jot that these subjects are pseudoscientific balderdash, you can gain nationally accredited skills training programmes in your new money spinning exercise.
Finally, all good alternative medicine should have a ‘regulator’. To the public, it will look like their chosen healer is being monitored for the efficacy and safety of their work. To you, it is a good advertising device and channel for new customers. There are hundreds of regulators for alternative medicine in the UK. All have one thing in common – they will never condemn or criticise any of your practices, or strike you off for anything other than sexual misconduct – and then, at a push. You will be safe to do what you like without fear of being judged by the ‘regulator’.
Even the UK government will provide this sort of service to you. The Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council, or Ofquack, was set up this year by Prince Charles and his Foundation for Integrated Health and a government grant of £900,000 to be a ‘one stop shop’ regulator for all manner of quacks. However, they have made it quite clear that they are not interested if the treatments actually work, but only if the member has been trained in their alternative medicine and have insurance cover. It matters not at all that the training might be utterly delusional and result in dangerous advice to customers. All the boxes have been ticked.
And so there you are. Not too hard. Finally, the best top tip I can give you is for you to find a way to start believing in your own bullshit. You will appear far more convincing to people if you believe yourself. As Richard Feynman said “The first principle [in science] is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool”. If you are not interested in truth then hurry along and get fooling yourself. It should be easy. Once you have done that, fooling everyone else is a doddle.
Good luck, and check back on these pages for when I write about you.
www.quackometer.net/blog/2009/03/top-ten-tips-for-creatin...
So last week we knocked down the wall into the space next door that used to be an acupuncturist/record store/game designer to DOUBLE the shop. Sooo much space..
Once upon a week ago there was snow. Then there was a little less snow. It melted and melted and the ground turned into ice, and I slipped and fell. My left hip went out of position, my spinal core did the same in two places, and my neck on the right side.
Off we went to the vet. She is a chiropractor and acupuncturist and gives laser, so after that treatment I´m ok again. I actually go there regularly. I had a huge spinal operation when i was just 2 1/5 years old, and after that I have been given massage, acupuncture, water walks (treadmill in water) on regular basis. It`s been working well for me. When I was 13 I could still jump from one level up unto another 1 1/5 meter above. Today, at the age i have become, my mom keeps me from running and jumping so that my hips and back won`t lock or go out of position.
And then came the rain and the wind this week. Now everything is wet and grey and waiting for Xmas. A typical boring November month.
The bright side of my week is that my mom loves me because I am me. I can no longer hear, but I can feel all the spoken and unspoken love.
How has your week been?
Nick
Yukie initially thought that I was asking if she would take my photo. After a few more words and gestures she realised that I wanted to photograph her and she agreed. So far so good. Next I asked if Yukie had come from far. This drew a blank. I tried rephrasing my question but Yukie still did not understand. She asked me to wait for a minute. In a few moments Yukie found another member of her group, Keiko. Keiko acted as a translator and she confirmed my suspicion that they had come from Japan.
I explained how I had completed a challenge to photograph 100 strangers and was continuing to meet a photograph people that were unknown to me. As Kieko translated there were smiles all round (a couple more of the Japanese party were watching and listening). I said that I would photograph the whole of the group, after making a photo with Yukie, if they would like. Yes, they liked that.
Yukie told me that in Japan she is an acupuncturist. She also commented that I had a SONY camera, that it was Japanese. Which was an interesting observation because Canon, Nikon, Pentax... are all Japanese. It might have been more remarkable if I had a non-Japanese camera. I smiled anyway – I do like my camera.
Yukie smiled and laughed as I photographed her. When I had taken a few shots we gathered the rest of the party together and I took three shots of the group. I took Yukie's and Kieko's email addresses and said that I would send copies of the photos. Everyone seemed delighted with the meeting and we said our goodbyes.
Thank you Yukie for agreeing to be in my project. It was good to meet you and your spiritual family. Best wishes.
This is my third submission to the group The Human Family
Too shy to undress, too reticent to point to parts of her own body. This porcelain acupuncturist's doll lets this shy Chinese woman point to where it hurts on the doll's body instead.
Sea fan creates elegant environment for healing.
Living in a Jungle