In a room dressed in memory and ritual, she stands surrounded by quiet flames—each candle a breath held, each shadow a thought unspoken. The silence isn’t empty; it’s sacred. A pause between storms. A space where healing dares to whisper.

 

This is what resilience looks like when it’s not loud. When it wears heels, holds its posture, and chooses stillness over spectacle.

 

Let it Hurt Collection

March 20, 2020: And here we go. 80 days into 2020 and I feel like I’m still swimming just above rock bottom. Saw my doctor this morning. I’ll be starting blood pressure medication, and had my antidepressant renewed. I know I shouldn’t feel this way but being back on them makes me feel like I’m failing to live up to my potential.

 

But I’ve made out a list of what I need to get through the week. I’m walking now, to find a breakfast sandwich somewhere. I passed a homeless girl, with her German shepherd, she was rubbing his belly, and they were present in the moment.

 

I’m outside a Starbucks now and a worker is spraying and scrubbing the door handles. A homeless man just asked if I have a lighter. I don’t, but life goes on. The sun warms my forehead. I breathe in and know that I will be okay. I breathe out and know this to be true even if that feels so distant from me, I strive to be mindful of the present moment.

 

And it’s been 8 days since my last emotional breakdown.

 

Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 80/366.

 

This photographic image was first published on Instagram.

 

#selfies #SubvertedSelfies #Selfies #ThankYou #365SelfieChallenge #365daychallenge #366daychallenge #366selfies 365Selfies2020 #2020Selfies #DailySelfie #LeapYear #DailySelfies #livingmybestlife #queer #comingout #comingoutpansexual #pansexualpride #pansexuality #pansexualandproud #pansexualboy #pansexuallove #pansexualartist #pansexuality #pansexualityisreal #pansexualityisvalid #vulnerabilityisstrength #pansexualpride #artistsoninstagram #artoftheday #selfportrait #reverence #mindfulness

March 21, 2020: Cutting the grass. But I have to admit the new pills I’m taking to lower my blood pressure - they have me feeling bleh.

 

And it’s been 9 days since my last emotional breakdown. I guess I don’t have to write this down everyday eh?

 

Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 81/366.

 

This photo was originally posted on Instagram.

 

#selfies #SubvertedSelfies #Selfies #ThankYou #365SelfieChallenge #365daychallenge #366daychallenge #366selfies 365Selfies2020 #2020Selfies #DailySelfie #LeapYear #DailySelfies #livingmybestlife #queer #comingout #comingoutpansexual #pansexualpride #pansexuality #pansexualandproud #pansexualboy #pansexuallove #pansexualartist #pansexuality #pansexualityisreal #pansexualityisvalid #vulnerabilityisstrength #pansexualpride #artistsoninstagram #artoftheday #selfportrait #reverence #mindfulness

Hoping to upgrade to a better camera this year :)

 

Going to start a new photo project: Fragments of me.

My life theme as of late is #VulnerabilityIsStrength, something I'm trying to put use into my everyday life. I want to be transparent as possible because I've repressed a lot of things that are resurfacing, and as I'm getting older, I'm realizing that it's okay to talk about things. And that these things, though were not okay at all, are things that a lot of people encounter but because "issues" are hidden behind closed doors, they feel alone.

 

I think when I was younger I talked a lot, and even on this site I blogged about my everyday life to y'all :) I loved this community growing up and it really shaped me into the artist I am today. Life gets in the way and hardships arise and you just don't feel like talking anymore. I don't know what the meaning of life is, but if we're all on Earth together, we should do our best to live our best lives and support each other. :)

 

Fragment #1: I cropped the original, but left my "beauty mark," the euphemism for a mole, because that's something I'm appreciating more. It makes me unique. Growing up it was something I was extremely insecure about, and something I'm still getting over, because it was talked about a lot and my parents even mentioned they wanted to remove it when I got older. I always wear glasses so I sometimes forget it's there because it's hidden underneath.

March 19, 2020: #BloodPressure is up. I’ve been bad at measuring it regularly over the last week. It’s been up and down.

 

I’m trying to put on a brave face. I know a huge chunk of my stress right now is the stress we are all facing. I need to get back into a routine especially now that I’m going to start self-isolating tomorrow after seeing my doctor. He will probably be putting me on blood pressure meds. I feel a bit like a failure because I can’t get it down, and my weight seems to have stagnated at 218. I hate this feeling of paralysis that seems to have taken over my life. This is NOT the man I want to be.

 

Oh and it’s now been 7 days since my last big emotional breakdown. And I am glad for that, to a degree, as I know a good cry can be good for the soul... but maybe I’m out of tears?

 

Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 79/366.

 

This photo was originally posted on Instagram.

 

#selfies #SubvertedSelfies #Selfies #ThankYou #365SelfieChallenge #365daychallenge #366daychallenge #366selfies 365Selfies2020 #2020Selfies #DailySelfie #LeapYear #DailySelfies #livingmybestlife #queer #comingout #comingoutpansexual #pansexualpride #pansexuality #pansexualandproud #pansexualboy #pansexuallove #pansexualartist #pansexuality #pansexualityisreal #pansexualityisvalid #vulnerabilityisstrength #pansexualpride #artistsoninstagram #artoftheday #selfportrait #reverence

March 17, 2020: It’s me with the #PansexualFlag superimposed onto my face as a transparent layer.

 

And happy #SaintPatricksDay everyone!

 

Oh and it’s now been 5 days since my last emotional breakdown.

 

Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 77/366.

 

This photo was originally posted on Instagram.

 

#selfies #SubvertedSelfies #Selfies #ThankYou #365SelfieChallenge #365daychallenge #366daychallenge #366selfies 365Selfies2020 #2020Selfies #DailySelfie #LeapYear #DailySelfies #livingmybestlife #queer #comingout #comingoutpansexual #pansexualpride #pansexuality #pansexualandproud #pansexualboy #pansexuallove #pansexualartist #pansexuality #pansexualityisreal #pansexualityisvalid #vulnerabilityisstrength #pansexualpride #artistsoninstagram #artoftheday #selfportrait

March 15, 2020: #Vulnerability.

 

It’s been 3 days since my last emotional breakdown.

 

Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 75/366.

 

This photo was originally posted on Instagram.

 

#selfies #SubvertedSelfies #Selfies #ThankYou #365SelfieChallenge #365daychallenge #366daychallenge #366selfies 365Selfies2020 #2020Selfies #DailySelfie #LeapYear #DailySelfies #livingmybestlife #queer #comingout #comingoutpansexual #pansexualpride #pansexuality #pansexualandproud #pansexualboy #pansexuallove #pansexualartist #pansexuality #pansexualityisreal #pansexualityisvalid #vulnerabilityisstrength #pansexualpride #art #artistsoninstagram #artoftheday #selfportrait

March 16, 2020: #Mirror. I like the new handheld mirror I found. I had one before but can’t find it for the life of me.

 

This one is bigger though.

 

Why did I get a handheld mirror? I got it to assist me before I meditate, so I am forced to look at myself deeply each day and say the Ho’Oponopono #prayer of #forgiveness: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” As well as to say a forgiveness #poem that Don gave me last week.

 

I plan on incorporating this into my #meditation I’ve been doing most days around midnight. And to be honest, I think the first few times I do this, it is gonna mess me up. I am truly becoming more #confident with myself, but just thinking about looking into my eyes and saying these things .... wow .... all I can say is that I feel like #crying already. But it’s really important to do this I think, in order to really push home that it’s ok for me to believe in me.

 

Oh, it’s now been 4 days since my last emotional breakdown.

 

Part of my personal photo project of 2020, to get a different selfie shot of me everyday, photo 76/366.

 

This was originally posted on Instagram.

 

#selfies #SubvertedSelfies #Selfies #ThankYou #365SelfieChallenge #365daychallenge #366daychallenge #366selfies 365Selfies2020 #2020Selfies #DailySelfie #LeapYear #DailySelfies #livingmybestlife #queer #comingout #comingoutpansexual #pansexualpride #pansexuality #pansexualandproud #pansexualboy #pansexuallove #pansexualartist #pansexuality #pansexualityisreal #pansexualityisvalid #vulnerabilityisstrength #pansexualpride #art #artistsoninstagram #artoftheday #selfportrait

  

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Let go of the mask. You don’t have to pretend to be okay.

 

Vulnerability is not weakness — it’s strength.

 

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