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So..this is me...It has occurred to me as of late that I cannot expect to like myself or have others like me if it is all a facade...even partially. We're all in an age of digital imagery and keyboards, computers etc. It is SO easy to be something we are not...There are simple and complex programs that can alter things about us that we deem imperfections. We all here are a bit narcissistic...and hell, we want to look good....but this is more for others than ourselves...We think this makes us feel better but the underlying fact is that it doesn't...we create an image that we can only live up to on the internet...we make connections...establish relationships and friendships that may never come to fruition in fear of physically having to meet...This is all so non realistic and not conducive to anything at all..especially our connections...Connections and experiences are everything in this lifetime...Look around at your own lives...your homes..your children..your family...your spouse etc...real life...Hell...even the trees and animals etc...LIFE!!
Perhaps Flickr and other venues can be an escape from all of that when needed but why can't we all just be who we are...if people don't like you for who you are then who cares...NEXT!
It has also occurred to me that other people who see me...men..women ....may measure themselves according to what I project as an image of me...At 42 I have wrinkles...I don't embrace them fully but to me it shows I have laughed and smiled in this lifetime...My body has seen better days..hell I've had two 9LB kids!!! I always say I am far from perfect but what am I basing that on? Perfect in the sense of what I think I should appear as? Screw that too..What makes me perfect? My heart....my soul...MYSELF!
So this is me..untouched...not softened...no erasing of lines etc....This is 42..this is ME!!!
XOXO
One room schoolhouse in Harrison Maine...so many years ago...still standing..
Oh the lessons that must have been learned here..in this field..time stands still for those who visit...
"One of the most “exciting things that happened” was when she killed an 8-foot rattlesnake that had crawled onto the schoolhouse porch. She used a shovel to decapitate it. Two older students later skinned it.
We studied rattlesnakes for a couple of weeks and had the dead snake on display,” she recalled."
Wir können nur lernen, was wir wissen,
wir können nur werden, was wir sind ...
We can only learn, what we know,
we can only become, what we are ... - Talmud -
when you set aside your expectations and overcome the fear of uncertainty
that's when you get the most out of it
regardless of how it turns out
embrace it
learn from it
I decided that just a simple hat wasn't good enough so I decided to do a woman wearing the hat. I really wish that I knew how to actually draw people
My camera suddenly started overexposing and at first I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't until I got home and started thinking about it that I remembered the camera has an assignable thumb wheel that was set to EV. In the previous evening I was doing something with the camera at home and when I set it down I accidentally turned the wheel and unknowingly dialed in about +3EV. I ruined a few photos as you can see here, but I have now set the EV back to zero and turned off the thumbwheel function. Lesson learned the hard way.
A motmot that serves as a lesson to observers in highlighting the wonders of the neotropics. Birding Paradise.
sb800's left and right. Left at 1/2 pwr right at 1/8. Processed skin in PS with a little dodge and burn on the rest of the image.
Lighting lesson with Alex Waterhouse-Hayward in Vancouver, B.C. He especially wanted to photograph the model with my bass, so I tried something a little different.
Fuji FP-100C Instant film, now discontinued.
Mamiya RB67 with Sekor 90mm
I drew this with out a photo cause that's what the lesson called for, I think I gave her barbie doll eyes, but I'm happy with the way it came out.
I remember piano lessons
The hours in freezing rooms
Cruel ears and tiny hands
Destroying timeless tunes
She said there's too much out there
Too much already said
You'd better give up hoping
You're better off in bed
You don't need much to speak of
No class, no wit, no soul
Forget your own agenda
Get ready to be sold
I feel now like Christine Keeler
Sleepwaking in the rain
I didn't mean to lose direction
I didn't want that kind of fame
And even though I got it all now
My only stupid dream
See you and me together
And how it should have been
I remember piano lessons
Now everything seems clear
You waiting under streetlights
For dreams to disappear.
S. Wilson
Dreaming Lessons ~ Pelajaran Bermimpi
Ada hal yang tidak dapat dipelajari di sekolah, kecuali bila ada yang mengajarkan:
Pelajaran Bermimpi
Sejak tahun 2009, aku ditugaskan oleh pemerintah untuk mengajar di sebuah SMP Negeri ndesit, yang terletak sekitar 30 km dari rumahku.
Dan aku dapati meskipun ini sekolah negeri, kemampuan akademik murid-muridku sangatlah mengerikan~
Bayangkan saja, murid SMP yang notabene sudah lulus SD, masih banyak yang tidak bisa membaca, menulis, apalagi berhitung dengan baik!
Aku pun bertanya-tanya kira-kira, apa penyebabnya?
Selidik sana, selidik sini
Akhirnya aku temukan sebuah fakta yang cukup mengejutkan
Tentang sebagian besar muridku yang datang dari keluarga kelas menengah ke bawah itu aku sudah tahu
Tetapi lebih dari itu, ternyata sebagian besar dari mereka juga datang dari keluarga berantakan.
Ayah meninggal, ibu menikah lagi, ibu meninggal, ayah tiri menikah lagi
Ayah-ibu yang bercerai, dan kemudian masing-masing menikah lagi dan punya anak sendiri.
Ayah-ibu bekerja jadi TKW/TKI ke luar negeri, di rumah hanya tinggal dengan nenek yang sudah tua, atau bahkan dititipkan kepada kerabat lain yang belum tentu baik hati
Ayah-ibu bekerja di sawah atau pabrik yang tak terlalu jauh dari rumah, tapi pergi sebelum mereka bangun, dan pulang larut malam
Ada juga beberapa orang yang ayahnya memiliki lebih dari satu istri baik secara resmi maupun simpanan.
Bahkan ada beberapa orang yang merupakan anak di luar nikah!
Atau lebih buruk dari itu, ada juga ayah muridku yang merupakan seorang preman atau maling!
Sangat menyedihkan~
Maka jelaslah sudah penyebab buruknya prestasi murid-muridku.
Mereka terjebak di sebuah dunia yang menyesakkan, kurang kasih-sayang, dan perhatian.
Hidup hanya menjalani sebuah rutinitas, karena merasa kurang lebih akan beginilah jadinya masa depan mereka.
Sama sekali tidak ada motivasi untuk belajar apalagi berprestasi.
Maka inilah aku untuk mengajarkanmu bermimpi
Dengar ya sayang, kemalangan hidup itu dapat di ubah
Di luar sana dunia lain yang lebih indah yang dapat kamu masuki
Dan kalau sekarang keluargamu kurang menyenangkan, di masa depan kamu bisa membentuk keluarga sendiri yang lebih bahagia dari yang sekarang kamu miliki
Jangan menyerah sayang, tolong jangan pernah menyerah!
Pelajaran bermimpi adalah pelajaran untuk menjadi manusia yang lebih baik
”Man jadda wajada” = barang siapa bersungguh-sungguh maka akan terwujud
”Man shabara zhafira” = barang siapa yang bersabar, maka akan beruntung
”Man sara ‘ala darbi washola” = siapa yang berjalan di jalannya maka akan sampai pada tujuan
”Man yazra’ yahsud” = siapa yang menanam maka akan menuai
---pepatah Arab, taken from a real story novel Negeri 5 Menara dan Ranah 3 Warna by Ahmad Fuadi, more about this novel and community please visit negeri5menara.com/ ---
Omong-omong, bapak ini adalah ayah dari salah seorang muridku.
Tadinya dia bekerja di ibukota Jakarta, tetapi akhirnya dia memilih kembali ke kampung halaman demi keluarganya.
Sekarang dia bekerja sebagai petani dan tukang ojek.
Aku lumayan sering mengobrol dengan beliau dan beberapa tukang ojek lainnya, saat menunggu bis sepulang mengajar di halte(?) itu.
Mereka itu orang-orang baik yang memiliki impian sederhana untuk anak-anaknya, yaitu agar anak-anaknya memiliki pendidikan yang lebih tinggi dari mereka dan kelak berpenghidupan yang lebih baik dari mereka.
Dan sekolah tempat aku mengajar itu terletak 5 km menyebrang dari tempat itu, belok 3 kali.
==========================================================================
There is something that couldn’t be learn in the school, except if someone taught it:
Dreaming Lessons
Since 2009, I was tasked by the government to teach in a village Junior High School, located about 30 km from my home.
And I found, even if my school is a state school, my student’s academic abilities are terribly so bad.
Imagine this: junior high school students who in fact have been graduated from primary school, where can not read, write, moreover to count well!
So I wonder, what is the reason?
I try to investigate it.
About most of my student were come from middle class family to below, I’ve already know.
But more than it, most of them were actually come from broken-home family.
Father passed away, mother remarried, then mother passed away and the step father remarried again.
Father and mother divorced, then each of them were remarried again and have their own children
Father and mother were working out of town or country as a domestic worker or labor, and left them in home with only an old granny or deposit (?) them to another relatives whose couldn’t be insurance to treat them well
Father and mother work in rice field or factory which not to far from their home, but they go before them wake and back very late
There are also some of my student who their father have more than one wife whether official or mistress.
There were even some of my students who were a children out of wedlock, --children of adultery—
Or more worse than it, there is some of my student father who is a gangster or a thief!
What a heart crushing~
Now it's clear the reason of poor performance from my disciples.
They were trapped in a world that is oppressive, less affection, and attention.
Live just underwent a routine, because they feel this is the future they also would be.
No motivation to learn, furthermore to excel!
So, here I am to teach you to dream~
Listen dear, misfortunes of life could be changed
Out there are also available a beautiful world that you could enter
And if your family is now less fascinating, in the future you would be able to form your own family that full of love and affection more than what you have now!
Don’t give up dear, please never give up!
Dreaming lessons is a lesson to be a better person
”Man jadda wajada” = who is seriously make effort would be succeed
”Man shabara zhafira” = who is patience would be lucky
”Man sara ‘ala darbi washola” = who is walk on his way would arrive to the destination
”Man yazra’ yahsud” = who is plants would be harvest
---Arabic proverb, taken from a real story novel Negeri 5 Menara dan Ranah 3 Warna by Ahmad Fuadi, more about this novel and community please visit negeri5menara.com/ ---
By the way, this man is one of my student’s fathers.
He was work in capital city, Jakarta, before but he decides to back home for his family.
Now he works as a farmer and a motorcycle rental driver.
I quite often to talk with him and several other motorcycle rental drivers, while waiting for my bus in those bus stop to take me home after working.
They are nice persons, who have simple dreams that their children would have a better education and later a better life than their own.
And the school where I teach is located 5 km crossing of those roads, turning 3 times.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=J56IkSxHzaI&ob=av2e
Maap, ceritanya kepanjangan kan ya… ;p
I wish I could think of decent photo names u_u
Aanyway, sorry I haven't been around much lately, I've tried to keep commenting on a few pictures, but I just haven't been able to get them all.. really sorry :/
I've just had a lot on since starting college - which is going really well ^_^
But it's half term now, so I wanted to upload a little something :)
I was going to upload some of the things that I had taken for my photography lesson, but then thought that probably wasn't my best idea.. So this is something I actually took quite a while back now..
So anyway, I hope you're all okay, and that I haven't missed too much off your streams u_u
Zone VI ultralight 4x5
Caltar II-N MC 150mm 5.6
f/28 1/8
Ilford HP5+ (320)
Pyrocat-HD 1+1+100 15mins 20c
Epson V850
Well, I tried.
When my voice grows strident,
When I feel important--
I'm reminded of the kindness
And where I'd be without it.
I'm learning my lessons
It may take me a lifetime.
Give me strength to justify my being,
And show someone the kindness shown to me.
Todd Rundgren
First time developing my own film. Quarantine was a great opportunity to learn i guess. Pretty pleased with the results. This frame and some others didn’t receive enough developer due to loading the film with a little water in my hand da, causing the film to stick in places, not allowing the developer to properly process the frame. With that said I love this shot blemish and all.
Shot on Rollei Retro 400s with a Voigtländer VSL1 and Takumar 35/3.5.
D76 1:1 20c 10.5min
See, Daisy darling? Several bites in....and your lipstick is still intact. And don't worry...I'll make sure you get lots and LOTS of practice from here on out. 😊
the first session I have done with my little Grace since she 'accidently" chopped off her hair..yes..you heard right! lol She got a round brush tangled in the side and her independant 6 yr old problem solving was to simply "cut it out" and no one would be the wiser! eek! soooo....pixie cut it was..there were tears..mostly mine, but we both have learned a very valuable lesson...to look beyond the outside and to the inside, she is beautiful no matter what...and meanwhile..it grows...