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Cancer is a well known deadly disease which affects lives of many people every year. Cancer can be caused in different parts of your body. Both men and women are equally affected by the deadly cancer disease. A commonly found cancer disease in women is breast cancer. It is caused because of the unusual growth of tumor cells in the breast region. If these tumor cells are allowed to grow continuously they affect the other normal healthy cells of that region. The development of these cells can start in a tiny tissue or a lobe or even in the vessels of the breast. Although breast cancer shows no early symptoms, still there are some signs which can help in diagnosing breast cancer in an early stage. Though it is hard to detect breast cancer in an early stage as almost no symptoms or signs occur in an early stage. In this type of cancer the patient not even feels any kind of pain at an early stage. But if one is familiar with the usual symptoms of breast cancer then there is much probability that breast cancer symptoms can be caught at an early stage. If diagnosed at an early stage, this deadly breast cancer can be cured completely.
Let us discuss some of the common breast cancer symptoms. Every woman is generally aware of the size and shape of her breast. So, one can check for any swelling or deformation in the breast by softly pressing the fingers on the breast surface. If you feel any mass, lump or any kind of thickening, consult a doctor immediately for a check up as it may be the first sign of deadly cancer. Appearance of rashes, scales on the skin can also be a symptom of breast cancer. If you find that one breast is growing larger in size as comparison to the other then you must consult a doctor.
The Symptoms of Breast Cancer
If during the examination, you encounter any of the following symptoms, it's important that you make an appointment to see your doctor at the earliest opportunity. Don't panic, but play it safe nevertheless.
• Changes in the breast: Do your breasts look swollen? Does part of your breast look swollen or misshapen?
• Changes in the skin: The skin may become dimpled, or there may be a rash that is scaly.
• Lumps: it goes without saying that lumps are the most common sign of breast cancer. Are there any painless hard lumps in your breast?
• Nipple changes: Your nipples may change appearance (often becoming inverted) and sometimes there will be discharge from the nipple.
Women need to check their breasts often to give themselves the best possible chance of successful treatment. Indeed, if you want to increase your chances of catching cancer early, you should examine your breasts every month and talk to your doctor if any of the above changes occur. The best way to stop breast cancer is early detection.
(CC) Phillip Jeffrey. www.fadetoplay.com. Feel free to use this photo. I request that you link back to the original picture on Flickr and credit as shown above.
73/365
Canon XSi+50mm f/1.4 | ISO 400, f/6.3, 1/4
June 2012
igG 35.9
Beta II fraction 35.4
Hemoglobin 121
White blood cells 2.3
Feb 2012
igG 40.1
Beta II fraction 39.9
Hemoglobin 121
White blood cells 2.0
I am a multiple myeloma and anemia patient. It is a cancer of the blood plasma. It is treatable, but incurable.
In Aug 2008-Dec 2009 when I was on Revlimid. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with TTP and had a stroke so I was taken off of it. Since then I have had no cancer drug treatment and my igG (cancer levels) have slowly risen from the teens up to a high of 40.1 last Feb.
When I went in today for my quarterly specialist appointment, I didn't know what my igG number would be. I was worried it would be high 40s or even above 50. Thankfully it has actually dropped without any cancer treatment. My specialist was pretty amazed, but I know the reason - SuperBetter.
This is Day 89 of me participating in the SuperBetter project. I created a goal of taking a self-portrait a day on campus and after a couple of weeks I decided to do this 365 project as well. I have benefited from SuperBetter by setting an obtainable goal of taking a creative photograph a day on campus and creating a doable obstacle as it had to be done by midnight. It has helped improve my creativity and make me feel better about my photography and more confident about wandering around my campus with my camera and tripod looking for a photoshoot spot.
I feel awesome and I truly believe that my SuperBetter participation has contributed towards my cancer levels reversing.
Remaining positive, happy and focused as I continue to fight cancer through photography.
Cancer can be treated in a number of ways. Surgery, Chemotherapy, Radiation Therapy, Immunotherapy, and Monoclonal Antibody Therapy are among the most popular. The choice of cancer therapy is made by looking at the stage of the disease and the state of the patient. The goal of cancer treatment is the complete removal of the cancer without significantly damaging the rest of the body. Sometimes a surgeon can remove the cancer easily, other times this is not possible. Chemotherapy and Radiation can be quite affective in killing cancer cells, but they are also toxic to healthy cells.
The Breast Cancer Run
Surgery
Theoretically, non-blood based cancers can be cured if entirely removed by surgery. This is easier said than done. If the cancer spreads to other parts of the body before surgery, it is usually impossible to remove all the cancer through surgery. Two of the most well know surgical procedures for removing cancer are mastectomy (where one or both of the breast are removed in an effort to treat breast cancer) and a prostatectomy (where all or part of the prostate gland are removed). Cancer can recur if a single cell is left behind after surgery. With this in mind a pathologist will carefully examine your surgical specimen to make sure there is a margin of healthy tissue present.
Surgery is also used to determine the stage (extent) of cancer. Staging is very important for determining a prognosis and treatment.
A Radiation Mask
Radiation Therapy
Radiation Therapy is the use of radiation to kill cancer cells and shrink tumors. Radiation can be giving externally through External Beam Radiotherapy (EBRT) or internally through Brachytherapy. The effects of radiation are concentrated on the area being treated. Radiation Therapy damages the DNA of the cancer cells making it impossible for them to grow and divide. Radiation Therapy damages both healthy and cancer cells, but healthy cells are able to recover from the Radiation. Radiation is given over several rounds so the healthy cells have a chance to recover between treatments.
Radiation is used to treat almost every type of cancer. The amount of Radiation that is given depends on the type of cancer and how close it is to major organs. As with every form of cancer treatment, radiation is not without side effects.
Steve after Radiation
Side Effects of Radiation Therapy
The side effects of Radiation Therapy can appear during treatment or years later. The nature of the side effects depend on where the radiation was received and how much. Some of the immediate side effects from radiation are burning on the skin, swelling, infertility, and fatigue. Some of the long term side effects fibrosis (loss of elasticity in the tissue that was treated), hair loss, dryness, and cancer.
Mia in the Hospital
Chemotherapy
Chemotherapy is the treatment of cancer with anticancer drugs. Most chemotherapy targets all rapidly dividing cells, and not just cancer cells. This means that often chemotherapy damages healthy cells as well as cancer cells. However, most healthy cells repair themselves after the chemotherapy has ended. Most patients are given a combination of chemotherapy drugs. It is important that you talk all drugs that are prescribed in combination with your chemotherapy.
Targeted Therapy
Targeted Therapy first became available in the late 1990s and it has proven to be very effective in treating some types of cancer. If you have questions about Targeted Therapy and how it can help you or your loved one, talk to your doctor. Your doctor will know what Targeted Therapies may be right for your cancer.
Josh and his family after surgery
Immunotherapy
Immunotherapy is a set of strategies that will trigger a patient’s immune system to fight the tumor. Immunotherapy has been very affective on Renal Cell Carcinoma, Melanoma, and prostate cancer.
Hormonal Therapy
Hormonal therapy is used to block or provide certain hormones. They have been particularly effective in Breast and Prostate Cancers.
Tom getting chemo
Symptom Control
Some treatments are designed not to kill the cancer cells, but to control the symptoms of the cancer. This is very important for helping maintain a high quality of life for the cancer patient. Symptom Control is used for all stages of cancer, but particularly for end of life care. There is somewhat of a social stigma attached to the use of high power pain killers. Cancer patients should feel free to ask their doctor or Hospice provider about any medicine they take, especially if the patient feels the medicine is doing more harm than good. That being said, do not stop taking any medicines without consulting your health care provider first.
Complementary and Alternative Medicines
Consult your doctor and do lots of research before beginning any alternative treatment. Do not stop your other therapies or medicines in order to take an Alternative Medicine. No Alternative Treatments have been shown to effectively treat any form of cancer, and none are FDA approved.
Roger perparing for surgery
Clinical Trials
Clinical Trials test new treatments on people with cancer. The goal of these studies is to find better ways to treat cancer and help cancer patients. Patients who take part in clinical trails get the best available standard of care for their cancer, however there is no guarantee that the new treatment will work. If the treatment does work, those in the trial are among the first to benefit from the new treatment.
Article From www.cancer.sc/content,treatment/
Creative photographers have long experimented with superimposing images, one over the other, to produce striking visual effects. Now a group of NIH-supported scientists at Houston Methodist Research Institute and their colleagues have done the same thing to highlight their work in the emerging field of cancer nanomedicine, using microscopic materials to deliver cancer treatments with potentially greater precision. In the process, the researchers generated a photographic work of art that was a winner in the Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology 2015 Bioart competition.
More information: directorsblog.nih.gov/2016/06/23/snapshots-of-life-findin...
This image is not owned by the NIH. It is shared with the public under license. If you have a question about using or reproducing this image, please contact the creator listed in the credits. All rights to the work remain with the original creator.
Credit: Jenolyn F. Alexander and Biana Godin, Houston Methodist Research Institute; Veronika Kozlovskaya and Eugenia Kharlampieva, University of Alabama at Birmingham.
NIH funding from: National Cancer Institute (NCI)
Prostate Cancer is the most common cancer among men, excluding skin cancer. It is the third leading cause of cancer death in men. The American Cancer Society estimates that about 235,000 new cases of Prostate Cancer will occur this year. However, Prostate Cancer can be treated effectively if it is caught in the early stages.
How much you know about Prostate Cancer detection? The following information explains what Prostate Cancer is and how to recognize early warning signs
The prostate gland is about the size of a walnut and is located below the bladder and in front of the rectum. Tumors found in the prostate gland may be benign, or noncancerous, or they may be malignant, or cancerous. Benign tumors can usually be removed, seldom come back, and are not life-threatening. Tumors that are malignant are usually slow-growing, and mostly affect men over age 65. The cancer cells can break away from a malignant tumor and enter the bloodstream, causing the cancer to spread.
In general, all men are at risk for Prostate Cancer. A risk factor is anything that increases a person’s chance of developing a disease. However, having a risk factor does not mean you will get the disease. Some risk factors that cannot be changed are race, genetics, family history, and aging. Other risk factors that can be changed are diet, obesity, and having a vasectomy.
Some men with risk factors never develop Prostate Cancer, while some men without apparent risk factors develop the disease. The Prostate Cancer incidence is higher for African-American men than for any other racial or ethnic group, and conversely, Asian-Pacific Islanders have relatively low rates of Prostate Cancer.
Symptoms Linked To Prostate Cancer Are:
* Frequent urination
* Inability to urinate
* Painful or Burning Urination
* Blood in the urine or semen
* Pain in the lower pelvic area
* Difficulty having an erection
* Having a painful ejaculation
* Frequent pain or stiffness in the lower back, hips, or upper thighs
* Unexplained Weight Loss
A man who has these symptoms should see a physician immediately. Any of these symptoms could be caused by Prostate Cancer or by a benign condition, such as a bladder or urinary tract infection or BPH - Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia, a condition where the prostate becomes enlarged - aka: Enlarged Prostate.
Screening for Prostate Cancer usually includes two tests, a blood test for PSA:Prostate-Specific Antigen and a DRE: Digital Rectal Exam.
* A PSA test is sent to the lab to measure for levels of PSA in the blood, which usually is elevated in men with Prostate Cancer (but, sometimes elevated in BPH or infection as well).
* The DRE is a test in which a physician inserts a lubricated, gloved finger into the rectum and feels the prostate through the rectal wall.
Testing for Prostate Cancer may include transrectal ultrasound (TRUS uses sound waves to create an image to visually inspect for abnormal conditions) or computed tomography (CT scan uses a combination of x-rays and computer technology to produce cross-sectional images).
When any of these tests indicate that cancer may be present, a biopsy will be required. A biopsy is a procedure in which tissue samples are removed surgically from the Prostate Gland to determine if cancer cells are present.
Cancer Research continues to add valuable information to the understanding of Prostate Cancer.
* Health experts are looking for new ways to prevent Prostate Cancer, but they are not in agreement on the risks for developing the disease.
* The American Cancer Society recommends that men eat a diet high in plant sources (tomatoes, pink grapefruit, and watermelon) and low in red meat (high-fat and processed).
* A study at the National Cancer Institute is looking at selenium and Vitamin E supplementation as a prevention measure.
* Because obesity is a risk factor, experts recommend exercise to lower the risk of Prostate Cancer.
* Prostate Cancer is often found confined to the prostate gland or regional area, and the majority of patients with this type of cancer can live for years with no problems.
* With early detection and improved treatment, the five-year survival rate for Prostate Cancer found in a local or regional state is 100 percent.
* Over the past 20 years, the five-year survival rate for all stages has increased from 67 percent to 98 percent.
Incorporate your knowledge regarding Prostate Cancer prevention and detection into a healthy lifestyle.
Become knowledgeable about Prostate Cancer risk factors that may apply to you, and take appropriate actions including changing behaviors and being clinically monitored for the disease. Experts recommend that you contact your physician to develop a plan for Prostate Cancer screening based on your personal profile.
You can find more information on Prostate Cancer on the Prostate Cancer Resources Page
Artical From:http://www.cancer.sc/content,prostate-cancer-can-be-treated-effectively-if-it-is-caught-in-the-early-stages/
This is a Lung cancer Cell.......and as you probably know it...........it kills people.
As do a lot of cancerous cells.
I do not have cancer.....but many people do.......
A good friend and his missus told me of their son's attempt to raise a little cash to help in this fight against the big "C" and i said i would.
So here I am........a bottle of red, watching the film "The Spirit of St Louis"
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Spirit_of_St._Louis_(film)(come... on Charles you can make it!!!) and I am a few days late cos I'm a dickhead and cos Jesus would have to get himself crucified at a most inconvenient time............
Where was I?
Oh yes...........
This pic is obviously not mine..........I snapped it at the "Welcome Image Awards"...London........
www.wellcomeimageawards.org/default.aspx
It's an Original by Anne Weston..scanning through an Electron Micrograph.....I snapped it as it hung on the wall...............
Come on Charles..........it's Ireland.........I'm screaming along with Jimmy Stewart at the moment...........why the hell would that be important when London was just a few clicks down the road?.........life is so mysterious,,,,,,,,,,!!!!!!!
Where was I..?
Oh yes...........
I'll leave you all the various links..........
If you can help.......with cash,links or help..................or maybe you can knit a pair of socks if you are a woman.................then please do.........
Not many people know it, but over 200,000 children all over the world develop cancer each year. As a single entity, cancer is the world’s leading killer, being the cause of 8.26 million deaths in 2012.
I recently photographed 10 children who survived cancer.
You can see their story and how I lit them here:
petapixel.com/2016/02/27/lighting-tutorial-story-10-child...
Strobist info:
160watts studio strobe thru big mama back of subject @ 1/2
160watts strobe thru big umbrella camera right @1/4
Microscopy of human colorectal cancer cells. DNA is labelled red. Credit: S. Regmi and M. Dasso, NICHD/NIH
Cancer Bats are a hardcore punk band from Toronto, Canada. They have released four studio albums and six extended plays. The band is composed of vocalist Liam Cormier, guitarist Scott Middleton, drummer Mike Peters and bassist Jaye R. Schwarzer.
Sam 8-16-09
My best friend, Sam, lost his life from cancer last night.
Here's a guy who helped family, friends and what ever. This story is about him and that he did for me.
I met him years a go in business. We were instant friends. After I moved away we didn't keep in touch(I think). On one trip back home, I saw Sam. At that point I told me about my cancer.
I came back to live in Little Rock for family and friends. Sam lives 1 1-2 hours away.
He travels. When he is in town we visited. He then took me to my doctors, grocery store and you name it. He got me some speech and other theraphy. I beat cancer. Thanks, Sam!
Now Sam is gone. Sams family took me to the hospital last night. It was not something you would like to see. I left and later on he died.
Vito Quaranta, M.D., seated, and colleagues, from left, Darren Tyson, Ph.D., Shawn Garbett and Peter Frick, are using a new tool to observe how cancer cells respond to therapy. www.mc.vanderbilt.edu/vanderbiltmedicine/index.html?artic...
Photo by Anne Rayner.
Secondary breast cancer, also called metastatic breast cancer, occurs when the disease spreads from the breast to elsewhere in the body. Some patients will have their first diagnosis of breast cancer only to discover that it has spread and is in fact metastatic breast cancer. Many women who are diagnosed with secondary cancer have had breast cancer at a previous time. Secondary cancer is caused by cancerous cells breaking away from their first place of infection to travel via the bloodstream to other parts of the body. Obviously metastatic breast cancer is serious and harder to fight because the disease is not confined simply to the breast.
When metastatic cancer develops, the most likely places it will spread to are the liver, lungs, bones and the brain. But because this type of cancer spreads, it does not mean it will necessarily spread to most or all of these places.
Because every woman is unique, those who develop metastatic breast cancer will have their own set of symptoms. These are determined by the location of the secondary cancer. If in the bones, the symptoms will usually mean aches and pains in the bones and particularly so when moving. It can also be difficult to sleep.
Epidemiology
The pain in cancer patients is usually multifactorial, may arise from the process itself, treatment side effects or both. For these reasons the approach and management of this symptom should be multidisciplinary. Pain syndrome occurs either by local proliferation or tumor invasion of a metastatic tumor from a distance. With metastatic bone pain often reflects the presence of a tumor in breast, thyroid, prostate, kidney, lung or adrenal.
Physiology of bone pain
Bone pain is associated with tissue destruction by osteoclast cells. Normally, osteoclastic bone resorption are in balance with bone formation mediated by osteoblasts. In neoplastic osteolytic activity is increased and there are substances such as cytokines, local growth factors, peptides similar to parathyroid hormone and prostaglandins. Autacoids are also released other owners as potassium ions, bradykinin and osteoclast activating factors. These tissue substances play an important role in sensitizing the neural tissue against chemical and thermal stimuli, lower thresholds for discharge of the neuronal membrane, produce exaggerated responses to stimuli above the threshold and result in discharges of tonic impulses normally silent nociceptors. This phenomenon is called peripheral sensitization and primary hyperalgesia and is understood as events occurring within the ranks of the injured tissue and stimulate peripheral nociceptors (C fibers and A delta fibers) translating pain. In bone tissue of the sensory receptors are located primarily in the periosteum, whereas the bone marrow and bone cortex are insensitive. This phenomenon of peripheral sensitization results in abnormal sensitivity to pressure surrounding skin (allodynia and hyperalgesia), pain in muscles, tendons, joints and deep tissues in contact with bone. This is limited to ensure that the peripheral ends have a greater capacity for alarm response to injury.
The constant presence of harmful process, stimulating nociceptive receptors gives the introduction of a subacute pain that tends to be chronic with the growth of bone metastases. These stimuli lead to another prevalent phenomenon called central sensitization important which includes abnormal amplification of incoming sensory signals to the central nervous system, particularly the spinal cord. The phenomenon occurs because of the persistent input stimulus through the fibers C. This spinal cord triggers a temporary increase in the power of silent synaptic terminals. In this process plays an important role of glutamate receptor N-methyl-D-aspartate (NMDA). The resulting amplification of the signal generated in the postsynaptic neuron sends a message to the brain which is interpreted as pain. In short central sensitization amplifies the sensory effects of both peripheral nociceptive inputs (C fibers of pain) and non-nociceptive fibers (A of touch).
In practice the two phenomena come together in the genesis of metastatic bone pain and peripheral sensitization occurs acutely metastatic lesions to appear nociceptors and translate the information conveyed through the afferent myelinated A-delta or unmyelinated C fibers to the spinal cord where the information is modulated by various systems. With the set up process subacute begins the process of central sensitization which sensory synapses begin to activate silent. And there is a state of increased central perception. By becoming chronic pain phenomenon becomes even more complex because all that is in contact with the area of injury becomes a powerful generator of pain. The touch, muscle movement or joint pain result, manifesting the phenomena of allodynia and hyperalgesia much more marked.
Our little man relapsed. 3 years since he rang the bell. Docs say that is a good thing for the upcoming treatments
This month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have created bracelets, Hello Kitty Victorian Rings and Pins to help the foundation. Last year with your help, YourSweetTreat has donated over $450! On the side we also helped Haiti's Relief. Here are the new items I have posted today! You can also directly go to www.YourSweetTreatStore.etsy.com and click on the categories "Breast Cancer Awareness" to view the items. I hope you will enjoy these items and help out by either purchasing one item or even telling a friend about it. Thank you for all of your support.
The incidence of breast cancer among women worldwide has been on the rise. An increasing number of cases are reported in the US too. This prevalence of breast cancer can be attributed to several factors. However, there are two major aspects that multiply the risks associated with this disease. The first risk is associated with aging. As you get older, your risk of being diagnosed with it increases. The second risk is linked to being female as this type of cancer is more common among women and rare among men. The radiation or surgery is one of the most common methods employed for treating such cancers.
Over the years, extensive research has been carried out on this cancer to understand the conditions that lead to its occurrence. Here are some conditions that might be directly or indirectly responsible for causing this cancer among women:
If you have had a non-cancerous disease of the breasts, you are more vulnerable to being diagnosed with breast cancer in the subsequent years. The fact that you have heavy or dense breasts could also multiply your risks. Similarly, women who have been diagnosed with this could have a recurrence.
If women in your family (especially your grandmother, mother, sister, or cousins) have a history of this cancer type, your risk increases too. If you have such a family history, it is advisable to get genetic test done to assess your risk and take preventative measures at an early age.
Certain studies have also established that the intake of more than one alcoholic drink per day, or more than seven drinks per week could increase your cancer risk.
Your race could be another deciding factor. It is seen more commonly in White women than those of Hispanic, Asian, or Black descent.
Hormonal factors could also affect the occurrence of this type of cancer. For instance, prolonged estrogen-progestin hormone therapy has in some cases been linked to the prevalence of cancer. Having your first baby late or not bearing a child at all could also be linked to this cancer. There are several other hormonal factors that your medical doctor can throw light on.
The treatment process when undergoing radiation therapy is painless, but some patient can experience side effects. These may include dryness and discomfort of the skin that can be treated by your general practice if it occurs. However, it can take up to twelve months for the effects to completely heal. There is also the inevitable side effect of fatigue which normally happens around a fortnight into treatment. Fatigue can last up to a month after treatment is completed, but can be countered by getting more rest and having early nights.
Blood will need to be checked regularly for reduced counts and some women will experience a sore mouth or throat if treatment is carried out around that particular area. There are also significant lifestyle changes that may have to be made while radiation therapy is taking place. Rest is imperative and close attention needs to be paid to a healthy diet.
Regular blood tests will be necessary, and visits to the doctor should be made if unusual symptoms such as coughing, sweating, fever or pain occur. The affected area should receive extra care and be treated gently. Tight clothes around the area should be avoided to prevent rubbing. It's also important to moisturize the affected area after radiation therapy is complete and the treated area must also be kept out of direct sunlight.
The advances in radiation therapy means that long-term side effects are quite rare but they do still occur. Rib fractures, lung inflammation, damage to the heart, scarring and the association of other tumors like sarcoma are all possible but not as common as they once were.
Summersome ward has approximately twenty six patients when at capacity, mostly it had seventeen or so. Of those, five were long term patients like myself. We would pass each other in the corridors and greet one another, asking how we are but never enquiring about details. We all knew each other to some degree. I knew some better than others. On nights I couldn’t sleep I would sit with the night shift nurses at the station where others would be. We would talk about a wide range of topics. Despite the differences in opinions we were all united in one thing. There was a camaraderie because each of us there were fighting a weapons grade cunt called cancer.
I hadn’t slept in the night so ended up at the station where I learned that a long term patient had died in the early hours. She was a lovely lady, a fight in her that burned behind her kind eyes. She had been progressively weaker over the weeks. However nothing prepares you for their death. Nothing. You can’t help but get emotional, at this stage in my life I have given up fighting back the tears, clenching my jaw in defiance of the emotion that wells up from deep inside. I will miss her.
There was a knock on my door and Dr Hardy came in. Smiling she pulled the chair closer to my bed.
“It’s good to see you again Jack, how are you?” she asked.
“Dr Hardy, is it eleven already? Time flies when you are having fun I guess. I’m okay, no real pain, a few new bruises from the insulation injections.” I replied.
“Please call me Ann, I prefer less formality. Do you mind if I sit down?” she asked.
“Of course not, please do” I said motioning to the chair with a nod.
Pulling the chair further towards me she sat down and wriggled to get comfy. Crossing her legs she rested my medical notes on a knee and began turning over the pages.
“Major abdominal surgery, bowel cancer metastasised to the liver, pancreatic internal bleed. Diabetic. Chemo toxicity. You’ve been through it” she said casting a confirming glance at me.
“It’s been quite a ride” I replied.
I still wasn’t sure whether this was real world or the morphine again. The afternoon before she had touched my shoulder though, I had felt that. She was real therefore this wasn’t a hallucination I concluded. I would open up to her.
“Also have erratic heart rates that Dr Crusic has concerns about. Full house I guess” I added and smiled at her.
Ann got up and replaced the notes at the bottom of the bed, sitting back down. She crossed her legs again and leaned back in the chair. She pursed her lips.
“How do you feel following that conversation with Billy, sorry I mean Dr Crusic?”
I paused to think about this. I hadn’t really determined how I felt about it. Sounds ridiculous I know but I really hadn’t.
“I appreciated his direct approach in stating the facts. I don’t want to sound complacent to any of this, I accept I’m on the clock now and I have fantastic teams all helping me fight to stay alive. I appreciate every single one of them. However I know I could die at anytime now. Deep down I’ve known and accepted this when I was first told the seriousness of my condition.” I said.
Pausing for a moment I glanced at Ann. She was regarding me carefully but said nothing and in doing so encouraging me to continue.
“Without rambling on… I think that accurately describes how I feel about the conversation we had, and indeed how I feel now. I have my distractions, my blog, my music, and my exercise. All of these I believe keep me sane, objective and a desire to keep fighting. I have my memories.” I concluded.
“Is that your greatest fear as of now, death?” she asked as she rubbed her leg, one of those itches that just had to be scratched I guess.
“Not really no. Sepsis closing down my organs and the excruciating fucking pain. The many times I have been so ill that it was unlikely I would make it through the night. I think any fear I had of death… well I would just say it’s not a fear I have. My greatest fear right now is that I am ignoring someone so very near and dear to me” I said.
“Do you mind if I recline the bed a little, I am finding sitting up like this to be rather uncomfortable on my bum” I asked glancing back to her.
She reached for the bed control and it began to flatten out.
“Say when?” she said.
“When!” I exclaimed smiling back at her. “Thank you, that’s much better.”
“Who are you ignoring and why Jack?” she asked as she attempted to replace the control on the hook, missing it several times before finally finding the right angle so it caught.
You ought to try doing it in the dark, on morphine and while laying down, most of the time the control ended up on the floor shortly followed by me muttering ‘fuck it’.
There was a knock at the door and Caitlin appeared, time for the vitals. Caitlin was really kind with me, would always stay and chat. She saw Ann was sat at my side, greeted her and said that she wouldn’t be long.
“Short pain” Caitlin said as she pressed the button, the lance launching the needle into my finger.
“How come you don’t say sharp scratch, I was under the impression that was the default announcement before stabbing anyone” I asked Caitlin, offering her a smile.
She looked up from the monitoring phone and appeared to be considering my question. Apple iPhones by the way, it seems there is no industry that they haven’t penetrated with their kit.
“It’s not really a sharp scratch though is it, more like a little prick” she giggled.
Packing up the trolley she made for the door. Stopping in the open doorway, “but we can’t say little prick, it sounds rude” she added.
“I’ve been called much worse” I said after her. The door quietly shut and I was left with Ann looking at me with what I would describe as a rather quizzical expression.
“It’s true, I have been called much worse in my time. Most of it underserving I hasten to add, some of it I did deserve. Certainly no angel by any stretch of the imagination” I said.
Ann bowed her head laughing. Scratching that leg again she looked up and gave me a friendly smile. Running her fingers through her ponytail I sensed she was wondering what to say. However she wasn’t wondering at all, she probably knew what she was going to ask three or maybe four questions ahead.
“You had said your greatest fear was that you were ignoring someone important to you. I had asked who it is and why you feel the need to ignore them?” she persisted.
The feeling came over me very quickly, this was not a subject I wanted to discuss with anyone. I was ashamed of my actions. I needed to say goodbye but the hurt I knew I was causing to someone who did not deserve it. I could feel myself closing off, becoming guarded as if Ann had asked a deeply personal question. Which she had. She just didn’t realise maybe.
“Would you mind if this conversation was discussed at a later point, I don’t mean to be rude or appear unappreciative of your help and time. It’s because I am so ashamed of myself for not doing what is right, that it is hard for me to put this into words. Coherent words I mean. Coherent enough to convey the who and why” I asked.
“Of course. When you are comfortable with talking about it you can let me know. If it weighs heavily on your mind then I would recommend that you share it. It is clearly important you” she replied.
I quietly thanked her, not lifting my head from staring at the bed sheets. Now this was fucking rude of me. Ann wanted to help. I looked at her, into her eyes as tears rolled from mine.
“Jack, I am going to let you rest now. I will call in to see you tomorrow around the same time if that’s okay with you?” she asked placing her hand on my shoulder.
“Yes please, thank you Ann. I will look forward to that and I am so very sorry for all this. I don’t know what has come over me” I replied.
“You have nothing to apologise for Jack, I am here to help you where I can, whatever the issues” she said. The slight pressure from her hand went as I closed my eyes, the sound of the door quietly closing. I tapped the music app on the laptop, set it to shuffle and tried to sleep.
I vaguely remember Caitlin coming in, offering my arm for the vitals check. She was humming along to Pauly Fuemana’s ‘how bizarre’ playing on my laptop. It was a soft hum that relaxed me, sending me back to sleep. When I finally did open my eyes, the room was dark except for the small light that remained on all the time. I had slept through the rest of the morning and all of the afternoon.
A knock at the door. It was Clarissa. “Can I get you a drink love?” she asked.
“I’d love a highball Clarissa” I replied grinning.
“What’s a highball, never heard of that? Is that one of those funny coffee concoctions because we can’t do anything clever with the hot drinks I’m afraid”
“Typically, a highball is a shot from each bottle across the optics, a splash of mixer. If you ask for one in the Viper Room that is.”
Clarissa boomed out her contagious laugh. “You would be so lucky love, I can offer a cup of tea, white, two sugars?” she said still laughing.
“That would be perfect, thank you. Oh and if you see anyone from the diabetes team, don’t mention the sugar?”
She winked at me, the door slowly closed behind her.
And John was belting out God Save the Queen. Indeed John, God save her.
If you enjoy this content, please consider buying me a coffee at www.buymeacoffee.com/grifandesqz- Thank you.
I am diagnosed with terminal stage 4 colon cancer that has metastasised to my liver. I now have Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes and as a result of the colon cancer, I have an ileostomy called Elvis.
When I was first diagnosed with cancer (more than 15 years ago), I figured it might be a death sentence. I worried even more when I was later diagnosed with a second cancer, lung cancer. But so far, it has been a succession of treatments and tests. The treatments vary all over the place, but the tests pretty much fall into one of two categories: someone takes your blood and looks at it, or someone takes your body and peers inside of it using some type of scanning device. This is not at all what I expected, which is the good news.
医学和生活类：第1名“癌细胞运动”(“Cancer Cell Movement”)；作者：安妮·伟斯顿(Anne Weston)。
安妮是一名医学研究人员，她是利用一台电子显微镜拍摄到上面这张照片的。当癌细胞慢慢“爬进”一个试验室过滤器上的小孔时，安妮拍下了照片，以阐明癌细胞是如何运动的。
Had 2 appointments today back to back, and this... it’s not so much the Cancer itself I need to talk about, but more… the side effects of it on my body and what I have to get through in my head.
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See, before all this— Cancer stuff started, I had finally (for the first time in 20 years) reached a point where I really and truly learned to love and accept and cherish the body Ihave. I’d memorized it’s shape, caressed it with my hands, at night if I was feeling a little of the old body-hating ways come back, I’d soothe myself to sleep by running my hands around the roundness of my belly- memorizing the dips and valleys of my stretch marks, raising fingers over the leftover scars on my breast… left behind by years of self-mutilation caused by the sheer force of my self-hatred. And I’d remind myself that thisi s my body. For better or worse, whether I wanted to change it or not- this is my body.
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And I came to be at peace with it’s roundness. With the softness of my skin, the cellulite on my thighs, the dimples of my ample ass. I learned, one piece at a time (truly) to love the body that carries me from place to place. I learned (especially as my disease raged silently forward) to appreciate my stunning good health. The strength of my legs and arms, the smooth breathing of my lungs, the steady and healthy pumping of my heart. My clockwork blood pressure, healthy appetite. I learned about my body and I loved it.
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I stopped spending all of my time wishing, wanting, trying to lose weight. I recognized that perhaps the 40 lbs I lost but couldn’t break past was a plateau for a reason. After all… even before I’d lost it- I was equally healthy. And when it came back, when my appetite went rampant, and the pain of my unknown tumor left me struggling to dull the raging pain with anything but food, I learned to accept that too. To accept that I didn’t have control, and that my body needed something I hadn’t wanted to let it have.
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But then the Cancer came. The tumor. The pain. And in the days before my surgery, in the weeks before it all went to hell— everything changed. I couldn’t eat. Not really. 2 weeks of cream soups and proteins… carb free because the pain of trying to digest fruit, vegetables, and carbs was so horrifying it would send me crying and rocking into my bed for days. And the weight loss started then.
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Today, at both appointments I got weighed (they were in the same building, but one was with the radiation guy for the first time, and the other was with my oncologists PA). The last time I was in, I had lost only a few pounds since surgery. But today the scale showed something much more drastic. I have lost 12 pounds. 12. A weight loss I’ve never had except on rare occasions of severe deprivation and dieting. I am almost back to where I was in 2010 when I was actively TRYING to lose weight.
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But the thing is, I spent so much time loving that body. That 40lb heavier body with all it’s seeming drawbacks. And it’s not just the weight loss that messes with my head— my shape is so different now. There is still a hole in my belly above my belly button. Currently filled with the foam from the wound vac which suctions away the raw tissue of my incision, which protects me from the infectious abscess that necessitated it in the first place. But there are also new scars. Slashes and dots where scopes and tools were inserted during my surgery to help guide my Oncologist as she removed an 8cm tumor that had grown into and out of my uterus (also removed).
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My whole shape has changed. And at night sometimes I try to fall back on my old acceptance trick. To go back to memorizing this new landscape. So that I can make peace with my gutted self. So that I can accept these changes and learn to maybe love them too… 30+ pounds less than when we started more than a month ago… so that I can accept these changes and learn to maybe love them too… this new shape and curve and dip. The line that mediates between my belly and my lower abdomen. What once was smooth and round now… interrupted. My weight loss leaving odd pockets in what was once a soft landscape that curved out and then back down in solid state.
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But I cannot use that tool just yet. Because there is the wound-vac… with it’s foam, and tape, and tubing in the way. Because some of those scar marks are still tender, because there is a patch of irritated skin that I should not touch over-much.
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And so I struggle to come to grips with this new and still-changing body in the mirror when I stop to shower. But it’s not my body anymore. It’s Cancer’s body. It is my tumor’s body. It is a fearful body: That will no doubt change more, and more drastically in the coming months as I’m bombarded not only with chemo but with radiation.
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And as I struggle to accept this fluid and changing vision of my own self, I struggle too with other’s ignorance. With other’s well-engrained ideas of the social acceptability (or rather… not) of fatness. I have actually had someone comment on my weight loss to congratulate me. Another to try and call it a silver lining of my ordeal. As thought it were a disciplinary change, a choice… or even— wanted.
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I struggle. I struggle more now than I have in a very long time. To try and accept what seems to change on a daily basis. To stand in front of a mirror naked, and ignore the tube of my machine and try,try to connect this new and fluctuating body with the person that lives within it.
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I have to believe I will rediscover the peace I once had. In stages, in steps. I have to believe that wherever I end up when this is all over, that I will rediscover my peace with whatever that body may be.
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But right now, I struggle. And I cry. And I miss my solid fatness, the well-known paths my fingers and palms once traveled late at night. I miss the fat and healthy body that carried me through 30 years of life. I miss the body that Cancer continues to quickly and mercilessly destroy. I miss the girl I was… not so long ago. And all the space that she occupied- physically, mentally, emotionally.
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Right now, I still do not recognize the person I’m becoming. This body does not feel like mine anymore. This body belongs to Cancer.
There is a small park in Downtown New Orleans not far from the Union Station Dedicated to Cancer Survivors.. I cut out the statues and changed the background to B/W and did some other stuff most of which i have forgotten OK bye....
Here is me and the love of my life, on a quick break away as my darling wife starts chemotherapy again in the morning, she as been battling cancer on an off for just over 4 years now,she is one courageous and brave lady..