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23.12.365.
we're here!: humanity.
(the more vulnerable side. or something.)
more christmas tree lighting.
everything single thought i've had today has been for the most part depressing. i'm not usually like this, really.. i have these down on myself moments. and i mean-i get REALLY down. today for example. i feel like i'm going to go crazy before this day is over.
first there is the always pleasant thought and fear of lack of talent. not only in my major in school, but in any and everything. Looking at this flickr, i see juvienille work from a mediocre photographer. i would never even pretend to put anything i have taken up for sale. i wish i could write more regularly.. but then i feel like i'm only good at it SOMETIMES, when i'm extremely emotional. even then i don't feel like i can fully write what i feel.
i also just have this insanely horrible self hatred, i couldn't even tell you where it comes from. not so much of me-me..but of my appearance. it seems to me that no matter how hard i try i will never see in the mirror what i want. in terms of losing weight, most defintely. the dumbest thing i hate SO much about myself are my freckles. i don't know why i hate them so much..i just feel like a lepar--[i'm not even pretending to know how to spell that.] its just frustrating when you find most things about yourself disgustable.
i'm giving my two weeks at work and i feel guilty becasue two people just quit and i feel like i'm leaving them high and dry. but i simply cannot handle it anymore. theres too much going on. school is stressing me out enough for 3 jobs.
i feel pretty distant from my friends recently.
my family..we just need help.
long distance relationships completely suck. i've always looked down on the strange people who try to make them work, wondering how anyone could have so much faith in such a hopeless situation. now that i am one of those people, i feel so so indescribably empty. the worst thing to do is sit and think about this..but i miss him so much. i would settle for 3 minutes holding him tonight.
this is not a feel sorry for me thing.. not by any means..its just me trying desperately to get this feeling out of my chest. okayy.
Norden is a village North West of Rochdale. It has a carnival in June each year. These are some of the happy people in the parade.
On the big float distributing sweets (sponsored by a dentist?) - all I got was a thumbs up!!
11 февраля 2009
я в своих дурацких заблуждениях совсем потеряла край. и вроде не хочется совсем делать гадость, но делаю потому, что просто интересно. но все вместе складывается - весь день хохочу от песни диминой группы, потом провожаю его, и так не хочется, чтобы он уезжал, даже на три дня. потом вечером скачала новый выпуск комбы. и все стало на свои места. больше не хочу делать гадость даже из любопытства