Forgiveness
Forgiveness is easy. It's when you say "I am OK with you." following a time when you may not have been. This can be reached through either strength or weakness. Dogma or logic. Kindness or apathy. It isn't exactly a reset of things, nor is it a second chance or clean slate. It's none of those things because you don't forgive a person for their actions; you forgive a person for how the actions affect you. Think of it as the driver who crashes a bus/train/car of people: you don't forgive the driver for his misdeed ... you forgive him for the pain and suffering which you have endured. Justice, punishment, atonement ... these are NOT parts of forgiveness.
Arriving at this state isn't always so easy, however, because sometimes people cannot bring themselves to that level of acceptance. Sometimes, things are NOT OK. There are extremes of non-forgiveness where a person fights against acceptance, apologies, healing time, trust, family bonds, and all of the other things which should help resolve issues. What results from this is a grudge, and it's an ugly thing. It's a bitterness and resentment which feeds itself from stubbornness, grief, unhappiness, blame, or even hatred. I've tried reasoning with people with grudges, and have always ended up backing away slowly with one of those 'omg yikes' looks on my face. Not all unforgiveness is awful, I don't think. You can just walk away from a bad experience, putting it behind you. Or if you can't separate, you can try to coexist ... but it's a chancy move which can lead you down either a path of unhappiness or back on track to actual forgiveness.
Some people think that you have to get over your problem/pain before you forgive. I think that quite often it's the opposite: forgiveness can come first. 'Forgive and Forget', we've all heard. This makes a ton of sense to me, as you forgive (emotionally), then later forget (mentally). Hmmm. I think those can go either way.
As with apologies, it is never to late to forgive.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is easy. It's when you say "I am OK with you." following a time when you may not have been. This can be reached through either strength or weakness. Dogma or logic. Kindness or apathy. It isn't exactly a reset of things, nor is it a second chance or clean slate. It's none of those things because you don't forgive a person for their actions; you forgive a person for how the actions affect you. Think of it as the driver who crashes a bus/train/car of people: you don't forgive the driver for his misdeed ... you forgive him for the pain and suffering which you have endured. Justice, punishment, atonement ... these are NOT parts of forgiveness.
Arriving at this state isn't always so easy, however, because sometimes people cannot bring themselves to that level of acceptance. Sometimes, things are NOT OK. There are extremes of non-forgiveness where a person fights against acceptance, apologies, healing time, trust, family bonds, and all of the other things which should help resolve issues. What results from this is a grudge, and it's an ugly thing. It's a bitterness and resentment which feeds itself from stubbornness, grief, unhappiness, blame, or even hatred. I've tried reasoning with people with grudges, and have always ended up backing away slowly with one of those 'omg yikes' looks on my face. Not all unforgiveness is awful, I don't think. You can just walk away from a bad experience, putting it behind you. Or if you can't separate, you can try to coexist ... but it's a chancy move which can lead you down either a path of unhappiness or back on track to actual forgiveness.
Some people think that you have to get over your problem/pain before you forgive. I think that quite often it's the opposite: forgiveness can come first. 'Forgive and Forget', we've all heard. This makes a ton of sense to me, as you forgive (emotionally), then later forget (mentally). Hmmm. I think those can go either way.
As with apologies, it is never to late to forgive.