Masking: Conflict

It is important for researchers and doctors to understand more about how people camouflage, because camouflaging might make people unwell. For example, some studies have found that people who camouflage more also have more mental health problems, such as depression or anxiety. It is important that we learn more about why these mental health problems happen, so we can help people to feel better..." Laura Hull and Will Mandy via kids.frontiersin.org/article/10.3389/frym.2019.00129 💙

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I find that we must reflect on the good and the bad that comes with autism. My experiences vary: I can be so happy and joyous that I will stim (reactions/movements that autistic people may do when there's a sensory overload or an overwhelming sense of joy or stress.) But then I can also feel very low and drained, this can be due to masking for a lengthy period of time; long social interactions and intense 1-1 situations- often with strangers. 💙

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These opposite sides of the masking spectrum can be very varying and inconsistent. Now that I am aware of masking and how it is something I do, I worry about the implications from this; how will it affect me as I grow further into adulthood: building my own family and my business. Will I be happy, healthy and me? 💙

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This photo is a portrayal of the conflict that comes with masking. How it feels to be in the centre of masking, particularly for a long period of time. You feel yourself doing whatever you can to successfully mask, to hide any autistic traits that people might judge. I often feel exposed when trying to mask, like I can't hide and am a witness to my own insecurities. 💙

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‘Masking: Conflict’ Part 2 of my masking triptych. #Autismus

Done