August 30, 2023 Subverted Selfie Project Post
August 30, 2023: I’ve been hanging low lately. As a result, my days now are filled with sleeping, watching random proclivities recommended to me by YouTube, & driving to & from the hospital for the IV antibiotic & wound therapy treatments which I’ve been getting everyday now since I took myself to the ER on August 14. I’m on a schedule now where I’m to receive these treatments daily until the end of September.
On August 18, I remember breaking down in tears, my whole body shaking in the blue hospital recliner patients sit in during treatments for infections. My voice cracked as I hit myself, loudly declaring what a fucking nightmare of a human being I was, & that I’d been so stupid not to take my health more seriously. And the words of mg Mom echoed in my head, as she’d warn me this could happen if I didn’t look after my feet more carefully than I had been.
You see, the doctor examining my right foot declared that my toe would need amputation within seconds of looking at it. “Look at it, it’s all mush,” she said of the wound to the nurse, prodding at it with some metal tweezers. She wasn’t wrong, my right toe had been a horror to observe for weeks now. Plump & purple from swelling, which also continued from the base of my ankle up into the middle of my lower leg. My nail already looked frightening due to a bad ingrown hangnail I had earlier this year, eventually leading to bleeding that got in under my nail, eventually turning to black.
The head of the unit was alerted to my cries, & did her best to comfort me, telling me it was okay & that they’d do all they could to continue treating the wound.
Since August 14, I’ve been trying to eat better again & following the intermittent fasting & almost keto regimen I adopted upon being released from hospital following my stroke. I’ve watched videos on healing wounds, & added several supplements to help heal the wound and prevent swelling. But I can’t exercise. Or do much work. The doctor I saw on August 23 said to stay off my feet as much as possible, & even said they’d get me a special shoe to help me keep pressure off of the foot so the wound would stop bleeding.
I feel so alone.
(242/365).
August 30, 2023 Subverted Selfie Project Post
August 30, 2023: I’ve been hanging low lately. As a result, my days now are filled with sleeping, watching random proclivities recommended to me by YouTube, & driving to & from the hospital for the IV antibiotic & wound therapy treatments which I’ve been getting everyday now since I took myself to the ER on August 14. I’m on a schedule now where I’m to receive these treatments daily until the end of September.
On August 18, I remember breaking down in tears, my whole body shaking in the blue hospital recliner patients sit in during treatments for infections. My voice cracked as I hit myself, loudly declaring what a fucking nightmare of a human being I was, & that I’d been so stupid not to take my health more seriously. And the words of mg Mom echoed in my head, as she’d warn me this could happen if I didn’t look after my feet more carefully than I had been.
You see, the doctor examining my right foot declared that my toe would need amputation within seconds of looking at it. “Look at it, it’s all mush,” she said of the wound to the nurse, prodding at it with some metal tweezers. She wasn’t wrong, my right toe had been a horror to observe for weeks now. Plump & purple from swelling, which also continued from the base of my ankle up into the middle of my lower leg. My nail already looked frightening due to a bad ingrown hangnail I had earlier this year, eventually leading to bleeding that got in under my nail, eventually turning to black.
The head of the unit was alerted to my cries, & did her best to comfort me, telling me it was okay & that they’d do all they could to continue treating the wound.
Since August 14, I’ve been trying to eat better again & following the intermittent fasting & almost keto regimen I adopted upon being released from hospital following my stroke. I’ve watched videos on healing wounds, & added several supplements to help heal the wound and prevent swelling. But I can’t exercise. Or do much work. The doctor I saw on August 23 said to stay off my feet as much as possible, & even said they’d get me a special shoe to help me keep pressure off of the foot so the wound would stop bleeding.
I feel so alone.
(242/365).