The Ducks of Haphazzard: Yeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!!!
What is GARC racing? Where did it come from?
We have no idea.
But we have many, many credible leads and a few dodgy legends. The leads are dutifully recorded, competently researched, reliably attested; the legends, not much more than the drunken ravings of a space-mad miner of suspect principles. The first category has been exhaustively covered by professorial stuffed shirts and saltine cracker dry documentaries and are frankly, more boring than zoning commission’s minutes.
So the History Channel has teamed up with the Speed Channel to confuse the legitimate information and certifiable facts of those shows with needless dramatizations, heavily slanted reporting and emotionally manipulative voiceovers to bring you: the Legends!
Tonight’s episode, The Ducks of Haphazzard! By now, everyone knows GARC racing started in the Counties of the Asteroid Belt with rednecks and rockbillies souping up their mine carts and jalopies. And we could spend two hours talking about the economics of mining and free trade and competition and turnover and how speed equals turn around and turn around equals blah, blah, droolity, drool, blah…
But instead we found some colorful rock jockeys who use their 2069 Dodge Charger GARC racer, nicknamed the Generally, to run their Uncle Jephthy’s famous Marshine!
Meet Boo and Luck Duck, innocent orphans and absurdly dangerous racers taken in by their criminally irresponsible uncle and suckered by him as part of his Lilliputian criminal empire which includes their totally, smokin’ cousin who we actually introduced just for ratings and their grade-school drop-out mechanic buddy who keeps the Generally up and running, despite the two modern-day Robin Hood’s tendency of nearly wrecking it on every, single run. The Duck boys, it would seem, never met an asteroid they didn’t trade paint with.
We cannot talk about these scofflaw delinquents without mentioning the heroes of law and order vigilantly trying to take them down. Sheriff Rockett P. Coal-train, beacon of brilliance, shining like a binary system of justice in a dark world and his 2079 Dodge Monaco Patrol ship are out safeguarding the starways, blackroads and space-goattracks of Haphazzard county. Diligently chasing down those good ol’ boys and making the constantly shifting, slim space between the crushing granite gargantuans of the Belt safe again for decent, law-abiding road racers like you, me and Vin Turbine.
The Ducks of Haphazzard: Yeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww!!!
What is GARC racing? Where did it come from?
We have no idea.
But we have many, many credible leads and a few dodgy legends. The leads are dutifully recorded, competently researched, reliably attested; the legends, not much more than the drunken ravings of a space-mad miner of suspect principles. The first category has been exhaustively covered by professorial stuffed shirts and saltine cracker dry documentaries and are frankly, more boring than zoning commission’s minutes.
So the History Channel has teamed up with the Speed Channel to confuse the legitimate information and certifiable facts of those shows with needless dramatizations, heavily slanted reporting and emotionally manipulative voiceovers to bring you: the Legends!
Tonight’s episode, The Ducks of Haphazzard! By now, everyone knows GARC racing started in the Counties of the Asteroid Belt with rednecks and rockbillies souping up their mine carts and jalopies. And we could spend two hours talking about the economics of mining and free trade and competition and turnover and how speed equals turn around and turn around equals blah, blah, droolity, drool, blah…
But instead we found some colorful rock jockeys who use their 2069 Dodge Charger GARC racer, nicknamed the Generally, to run their Uncle Jephthy’s famous Marshine!
Meet Boo and Luck Duck, innocent orphans and absurdly dangerous racers taken in by their criminally irresponsible uncle and suckered by him as part of his Lilliputian criminal empire which includes their totally, smokin’ cousin who we actually introduced just for ratings and their grade-school drop-out mechanic buddy who keeps the Generally up and running, despite the two modern-day Robin Hood’s tendency of nearly wrecking it on every, single run. The Duck boys, it would seem, never met an asteroid they didn’t trade paint with.
We cannot talk about these scofflaw delinquents without mentioning the heroes of law and order vigilantly trying to take them down. Sheriff Rockett P. Coal-train, beacon of brilliance, shining like a binary system of justice in a dark world and his 2079 Dodge Monaco Patrol ship are out safeguarding the starways, blackroads and space-goattracks of Haphazzard county. Diligently chasing down those good ol’ boys and making the constantly shifting, slim space between the crushing granite gargantuans of the Belt safe again for decent, law-abiding road racers like you, me and Vin Turbine.