Turns out, time wasn't the only thing stolen that day..
I haven't had chance to upload anything in aaages due to the fact that my laptop (Macchiato the MacBook (I know..I'm so cool.)) was injured due to water damage (well, I say water..I mean Vodka and Lilt and Dolly-trying-to-throw-her-drink-at-me damage but hey..) three weeks ago. Now it's back and I can finally upload a back-log of photos that I would have uploaded otherwise.
I took this in the week that I spent down in London at the house before my Grandma died and because of this, I love this photo. Yes, my face may not be perfectly in focus but hey..I like the contemplative look on my face..staring off into the distance as I try and position myself in time for the flash to go off. Yes, I failed at being ready for the camera to take the picture but I like this end result.
More pictures to follow either tonight or more likely over the next few days as I have since sold the camera that this picture was taken with and got myself a new one! I love it but it was a bit of a wrench getting rid of my PEN. Thankfully it has gone to a friend so that's not so bad :)
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Here's something I wrote for this picture whilst everything was still fresh last month..
Ok, so the title of this picture is in reference to an earlier picture on here of my mother and Grandma that has the title 'Time has been stolen' (see here - www.flickr.com/photos/scottjacksonvstheworld/6101745646/i... ). The reason for this picture (the one you're looking at now) and its title is basically because I've had a few thoughts about everything since whenever and basically I believe that because of the cancer, some of the emotions you would normally feel when someone dies are gone. Because we knew that time was short and we knew that death was the better of two evils, we dealt with whatever very quickly and now, as much as I may want to, I can't seem to shed a tear. I'm obviously very sad and my mind is all over the place at the moment (talk to anyone that knows me and they will tell you I'm even worse than usual) and I actually want to just break-down and cry as I feel I owe it to her more than anything. Not that she would want that…but I want that.
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Thankfully, since writing this I have been able to shed a tear or two. The worst thing at the moment is the dreams..I keep having nightmares and she's there. And even if it's not a nightmare, if my Grandma's there in the dream, somehow I know that when I wake up she'll be gone. So when the dream is nearing it's end, I hold on for dear life, but it is of course no use. I ruin those last few moments. It's not fair because it's lovely that I get to see her in my dreams but it's also taunting me with something that can never be again. All the things I can't say.
Looking at photos of her and putting them on facebook and writing on here is weirdly therapeutic..also, I can use this time and my feelings at the moment to influence my writing at Uni..hey, we all deal with things in our own way right..?
Turns out, time wasn't the only thing stolen that day..
I haven't had chance to upload anything in aaages due to the fact that my laptop (Macchiato the MacBook (I know..I'm so cool.)) was injured due to water damage (well, I say water..I mean Vodka and Lilt and Dolly-trying-to-throw-her-drink-at-me damage but hey..) three weeks ago. Now it's back and I can finally upload a back-log of photos that I would have uploaded otherwise.
I took this in the week that I spent down in London at the house before my Grandma died and because of this, I love this photo. Yes, my face may not be perfectly in focus but hey..I like the contemplative look on my face..staring off into the distance as I try and position myself in time for the flash to go off. Yes, I failed at being ready for the camera to take the picture but I like this end result.
More pictures to follow either tonight or more likely over the next few days as I have since sold the camera that this picture was taken with and got myself a new one! I love it but it was a bit of a wrench getting rid of my PEN. Thankfully it has gone to a friend so that's not so bad :)
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Here's something I wrote for this picture whilst everything was still fresh last month..
Ok, so the title of this picture is in reference to an earlier picture on here of my mother and Grandma that has the title 'Time has been stolen' (see here - www.flickr.com/photos/scottjacksonvstheworld/6101745646/i... ). The reason for this picture (the one you're looking at now) and its title is basically because I've had a few thoughts about everything since whenever and basically I believe that because of the cancer, some of the emotions you would normally feel when someone dies are gone. Because we knew that time was short and we knew that death was the better of two evils, we dealt with whatever very quickly and now, as much as I may want to, I can't seem to shed a tear. I'm obviously very sad and my mind is all over the place at the moment (talk to anyone that knows me and they will tell you I'm even worse than usual) and I actually want to just break-down and cry as I feel I owe it to her more than anything. Not that she would want that…but I want that.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thankfully, since writing this I have been able to shed a tear or two. The worst thing at the moment is the dreams..I keep having nightmares and she's there. And even if it's not a nightmare, if my Grandma's there in the dream, somehow I know that when I wake up she'll be gone. So when the dream is nearing it's end, I hold on for dear life, but it is of course no use. I ruin those last few moments. It's not fair because it's lovely that I get to see her in my dreams but it's also taunting me with something that can never be again. All the things I can't say.
Looking at photos of her and putting them on facebook and writing on here is weirdly therapeutic..also, I can use this time and my feelings at the moment to influence my writing at Uni..hey, we all deal with things in our own way right..?