Marlene Azoulai
ELLIE MAE
I live with Dissociative Identity “Disorder”, formerly known as Multiple Personality. I choose to view my self/ves from a shamanic, creative place, rather than a pathological one. I try to maintain a dialogue with the various parts of my self, known as ‘alters’, through art-making and writing.
This is Ellie Mae. She has been with me/us for some years. She came out yesterday, and started to cry. I had tried to block her out of my system, because her need for affection and love, was not where I wanted to go, so to speak. We don’t do so well, in the system, with those parts that are more vulnerable. The ones who are hard, tough and angry have the stronger voices, usually. Or one who can verbally analyze her self into oblivion. Analyze the emotion, without feeling it. Vulnerability can be like admitting to weakness. This morning, I knew that I had to communicate with Ellie Mae, because what one ignores within one’s self, will surface one way or another, and that way will tend to be dysfunctional, if that part has been repressed. I ended up creating this portrait of Ellie Mae, because the words would not come easily. As I drew it, i could feel the two of us connecting with each other.
The situations I have to deal with, as a multiple, I believe, mirror what goes inside of all of us. I have different parts, with individual personalities, and so the emotional dynamic is that much more pronounced. Some principles remain the same, though. Giving voice to those parts of our selves that need healing is a necessary thing for all human beings, be they multiple or not.
(mixed media)
ELLIE MAE
I live with Dissociative Identity “Disorder”, formerly known as Multiple Personality. I choose to view my self/ves from a shamanic, creative place, rather than a pathological one. I try to maintain a dialogue with the various parts of my self, known as ‘alters’, through art-making and writing.
This is Ellie Mae. She has been with me/us for some years. She came out yesterday, and started to cry. I had tried to block her out of my system, because her need for affection and love, was not where I wanted to go, so to speak. We don’t do so well, in the system, with those parts that are more vulnerable. The ones who are hard, tough and angry have the stronger voices, usually. Or one who can verbally analyze her self into oblivion. Analyze the emotion, without feeling it. Vulnerability can be like admitting to weakness. This morning, I knew that I had to communicate with Ellie Mae, because what one ignores within one’s self, will surface one way or another, and that way will tend to be dysfunctional, if that part has been repressed. I ended up creating this portrait of Ellie Mae, because the words would not come easily. As I drew it, i could feel the two of us connecting with each other.
The situations I have to deal with, as a multiple, I believe, mirror what goes inside of all of us. I have different parts, with individual personalities, and so the emotional dynamic is that much more pronounced. Some principles remain the same, though. Giving voice to those parts of our selves that need healing is a necessary thing for all human beings, be they multiple or not.
(mixed media)