Something Spectacular
87/365
Something spectacular happened exactly a year ago today. I woke up with a spring in my step, a sparkling mind, the skies were blue and there was a faint quiver of wonder in the air - Autumn was just about to begin, and I felt extremely happy.
A set of entirely unforseen circumstances had seen me cancel my appointment at the Royal Exchange costume hire place the week before, and reschedule for September 10th. I went to hunt for costumes, and was excitedly rummaging through the racks, when at about 2pm I laid eyes on the most wonderful person I'd ever encountered. Someone spectacular.
Of course, I didn't know it at the time, he was just a man with a twinkle in his eye, blue jeans, a white shirt, and a confidence I recognised and gelled with immediately. I didn't intend to fall in love with him. Infact, I didn't intend for anything to happen at all - but when he told me about his costume ball, I couldn't resist being playful with him and inviting myself along. He looked too interesting to pass by. He told me his name, Tim, and we shook hands and glowing smiles, exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.
Of course, I had no idea what was to come. No one ever does. It's better that way, because it makes the future ever so exciting, and had I known all the brilliance I'd encounter, I'd have been far too over excited and probably spoilt the whole thing :-) Instead, I held him at arms length, questioned him, challenged him, opened him up and poured myself in, and let him do the same. Falling in love with him was like being a child again, and "climbing a tree without any idea of how I would get down" as Lang Leav would say.
As the autumn rolled into winter, sometimes I cast my eyes back to that day, and wondered just what the bloody chances were that someone who fit me so beautifully would intersect my life so spectacularly like that - exactly the right time, exactly the right day. At a point in our lives when we were both free to love, when love was exactly what we both needed to ignite the months ahead. We didn't know how long Tim had to live, we expected longer than the 8months from that he got. He deserved more than he got. But we got to fill those months with laughter, happiness, craziness and recklessness. We lay on the grass in the middle of the night outside his house, and laughed at each other and talked about the universe being a rubix cube, that every single moment and thing was a tiny square, and we would never understand how it moved and changed and yet stayed so beautifully one. I still don't understand, and I miss him with my entire heart, but I know he is here, somewhere in the cube. He's alive in my mind, alive in my heart, as beautiful and spectacular as he ever was.
A few days before he died, we were talking about past loves on the bed. I told him about one of mine, about how he had a backpack always ready to go and a nomad spirit. He was smiling at me, and he said, "I wonder how you will describe me one day."
Well, Tim, you were something spectacular. And so, so, so much more. I still haven't found the words, but I'm getting there.
Something Spectacular
87/365
Something spectacular happened exactly a year ago today. I woke up with a spring in my step, a sparkling mind, the skies were blue and there was a faint quiver of wonder in the air - Autumn was just about to begin, and I felt extremely happy.
A set of entirely unforseen circumstances had seen me cancel my appointment at the Royal Exchange costume hire place the week before, and reschedule for September 10th. I went to hunt for costumes, and was excitedly rummaging through the racks, when at about 2pm I laid eyes on the most wonderful person I'd ever encountered. Someone spectacular.
Of course, I didn't know it at the time, he was just a man with a twinkle in his eye, blue jeans, a white shirt, and a confidence I recognised and gelled with immediately. I didn't intend to fall in love with him. Infact, I didn't intend for anything to happen at all - but when he told me about his costume ball, I couldn't resist being playful with him and inviting myself along. He looked too interesting to pass by. He told me his name, Tim, and we shook hands and glowing smiles, exchanged numbers and went our separate ways.
Of course, I had no idea what was to come. No one ever does. It's better that way, because it makes the future ever so exciting, and had I known all the brilliance I'd encounter, I'd have been far too over excited and probably spoilt the whole thing :-) Instead, I held him at arms length, questioned him, challenged him, opened him up and poured myself in, and let him do the same. Falling in love with him was like being a child again, and "climbing a tree without any idea of how I would get down" as Lang Leav would say.
As the autumn rolled into winter, sometimes I cast my eyes back to that day, and wondered just what the bloody chances were that someone who fit me so beautifully would intersect my life so spectacularly like that - exactly the right time, exactly the right day. At a point in our lives when we were both free to love, when love was exactly what we both needed to ignite the months ahead. We didn't know how long Tim had to live, we expected longer than the 8months from that he got. He deserved more than he got. But we got to fill those months with laughter, happiness, craziness and recklessness. We lay on the grass in the middle of the night outside his house, and laughed at each other and talked about the universe being a rubix cube, that every single moment and thing was a tiny square, and we would never understand how it moved and changed and yet stayed so beautifully one. I still don't understand, and I miss him with my entire heart, but I know he is here, somewhere in the cube. He's alive in my mind, alive in my heart, as beautiful and spectacular as he ever was.
A few days before he died, we were talking about past loves on the bed. I told him about one of mine, about how he had a backpack always ready to go and a nomad spirit. He was smiling at me, and he said, "I wonder how you will describe me one day."
Well, Tim, you were something spectacular. And so, so, so much more. I still haven't found the words, but I'm getting there.