Holes / One More Dance

There are many holes on my body. Get your mind out of the gutter. I like piercings. There are many ways you can add tiny little voids to your body to create beautiful visions. You yourself can become a diamond. Why wear them when you can be them. I've had so many piercings done and I know the pain well by now - it's pleasure. It's joy. It's calmness. It's like the animal inside my head finally has an opportunity to rest rather than sharpen its nails on the walls of my mental palace.

 

There are many holes on my body. None of them are some sort of magnum opus for jewellery. I just like being able to change things on the fly. I like being like water - flexible, fitting in in my own way. So much can go into an outfit. It's not just clothes. It's underwear, it's hairstyle, it's perfume. It's a hole filled with a piece of metal. They all come together to form a magnum opus of a you.

 

There are many holes on my body. I value each of them. They're me. I'm them. What you might call "trashy" today (but I hope you morons who call piercings trashy are not following me. If you are, please fuck off.) can grow into something beyond beautiful. It starts off with one tiny little void.

 

But there's also one single void inside me, deeply nestled in my heart. It's the void that is my dear Tristyn. It's a void that grows and grows and grows. It's a void that provides comfort and reprieve from the world's torturous methods. It's a hole that you stretch over time so more of us voidlings can fit.

 

This single void houses so many of us. We're the weirdos. The outcasts. The shunned ones. The abstract. The odd. The bizarre. We're the little holes that are inside this void and what happens when empty meets empty? They grow.

 

These outcasts, these weirdos, they became... I'm going to say something that often makes me cringe when I read it in SL spaces but they became family. Family. Me calling something family is absurd. I feel like I'm going to puke.

 

When I started blogging for PANIQ it was weird, I broke many of my own rules. I even joined the discord. Imagine that. I was a menace to many a few of the members, I think everyone's received the loving threat going "I will choke you" on that space. And I'd gladly choke each and every member there (with their prior consent, of course). I'd choke them the way I'd want to be choked. With love, passion, an intense connection and warmth.

 

It feels like an era's coming to an end and inside it feels like I'm saying goodbye to close friends. But that's not the case. I'm not saying goodbye to anyone. I'm saying good luck. I'm saying "I love you too, Tristyn, I just suck at writing it". I'm saying "Thanks for the incredible banter, Rae, I'll water you in a bit with kisses". I'm saying "Doxie, why are you me?". I'm saying "It'll be alright, Ellesmere.". I'm saying "I hope you know how much I cherish you, Myka". And more. So much more.

 

I write for a living. Yet words are failing me. It's not even that PANIQ's closing down. Tristyn's going to be doing some weird mindgames where "yeah it's kinda open but not quite I mean I'll be doing this from time to time but oh you know" or whatever. Yeah go and translate that. This isn't a direct quote, by the way. A direct one would be more like "Listen." and then a bunch of words. It'd be interrupted a few times by someone hornyposting in the blogger chat. Someone will say something abstract. Rae will jump in with "hell yeah hot". Myka will say something obscene yet incredibly polite and nice and warm and welcoming. She's our mommy basically. Someone will react, respond, say something. And it'll feel like a bunch of comrades sitting around a table in odd positions (I can already bet me and Doxie would have the most abstract sitting position) saying random shit. It'll feel like home.

 

That's what it all is, isn't it? Home. Home is where the heart is. And if home is the void inside my heart, I'll gladly take a room there. Because PANIQ's my home. And my family lives there. Doing their thing. Sharing their thoughts. Baking bread, taking meds and saying stuff.

 

I'm not saying goodbye. I'm saying good luck and safe journey. Wherever you guys go, you're staying here lodged in my heart and I can punch shit for hours on end until my fists are bleeding and my lungs are burning and my skin is wet from sweat but I'll not be able to dislodge you.

 

I'm not saying goodbye. And I'm not fucking crying shut the fuck up.

 

~~~~~~~

 

One more dance, lover, that's all I want, that's all I need, that's all I ask for

A dance to guide me out of the nightmare around me, surrounds me

One more kiss, lover, that's all I want, that's all I need, that's all I beg for

A kiss to shield me from the darkness around me, it haunts me

 

A dance to beat the setting of the sun, the nightmare, the darkness

A kiss to beat the pain, the heartache, the tremors

A dance before your banners, behind your shield, under your bed covers

A kiss to seal this deal and make it real, oh so, so real

 

~~~~~~~

 

Mysteria x PANIQ - Danza De Le Luna Solo Poses

PANIQ - Starlight Bindi

PANIQ - Venamas Sunglasses

Violetility - Morta Tank

 

And the most important part of the credits list

 

Each and every person out there who supported, loved and appreciated PANIQ and the blogger team. And each and every person that was part of the PANIQ family.

 

P.S: I can bet Tristyn's going to jump in with some cryptic shit like "Well actually I'm not closing PANIQ but I am going to reintroduce the birthing of phoenix godmothers and their neural pathways into the daffodils" or something.

Done