Spi-V
268/365
I met with a photographer today at a coffee place in town. I was so nervous about it ! I hate going to coffee places!! My anxiety just goes through the roof. The fact that she was a woman was easing my mind a bit cause I knew this is a photographer that really is interested in talking to me and not looking to get me naked you know… I just never know with men. Anyway she's an amazing fashion photographer and she also shoots " real " woman nude. When she told me about the process she puts them through finding that voice inside of them and letting them move on their own and each woman is nervous in a different way and relaxes in a different way it was making me want to cry right there and then cause it's so fuking scary!!! How do they do it?!?! Just stand naked infront of a photographer and eventually just dance and move around?!?! WTF!??!
It just made me petrified and I wasn’t even going through with it.
She told me about this woman who wasn’t young but for the first time is loving and excepting herself now that her boobs are falling and everything .
she has a man in her life who tells her shes beautiful and she finally sees it in her.
I starting tearing up!! She asked me why am I crying
- "Cause its beautiful and sad at the same time!"
-" why is it sad?"
- "its sad that she has to be so old to finally see it! Wasting all those years "
imagine not loving yourself when your young and your skin is tight and your boobs are up! Wasting all those amazing years!
you know I never knew what my boobs looked like when I was growing up I never looked at them. I would hide them in minimizer bras all the time. And that was that I think I even slept with a bra on at some point.
when my sister was growing up and I saw her boobs that were and are amazing I realized that I never saw mine at that age I think I only looked at them for the first time about 4 or 5 years ago all those years that they were standing so beautifully I missed!! And now im still hating myself! Wasting some more time.
So I shot myself naked today sitting!! With my tire and everything and I'm sorry but it's so ugly!and so unattractive I had to go put a shirt on. I hope I don’t get to be really old to be accepting myself and I HATE !! that im so superficial and obsessed with it. I hope it ends really really soon!
And so my photos will suck for a while now … I apologize in advance (to my self of cours)
-------------------------------------
QUICK MESAGE
im not saying this to get comments telling me in beautiful and that my curves are sexy i know my curves are sexy thats not the problem. and not the issue . im just speaking my mind and my insecurities that are taking over again... thats all.
268/365
I met with a photographer today at a coffee place in town. I was so nervous about it ! I hate going to coffee places!! My anxiety just goes through the roof. The fact that she was a woman was easing my mind a bit cause I knew this is a photographer that really is interested in talking to me and not looking to get me naked you know… I just never know with men. Anyway she's an amazing fashion photographer and she also shoots " real " woman nude. When she told me about the process she puts them through finding that voice inside of them and letting them move on their own and each woman is nervous in a different way and relaxes in a different way it was making me want to cry right there and then cause it's so fuking scary!!! How do they do it?!?! Just stand naked infront of a photographer and eventually just dance and move around?!?! WTF!??!
It just made me petrified and I wasn’t even going through with it.
She told me about this woman who wasn’t young but for the first time is loving and excepting herself now that her boobs are falling and everything .
she has a man in her life who tells her shes beautiful and she finally sees it in her.
I starting tearing up!! She asked me why am I crying
- "Cause its beautiful and sad at the same time!"
-" why is it sad?"
- "its sad that she has to be so old to finally see it! Wasting all those years "
imagine not loving yourself when your young and your skin is tight and your boobs are up! Wasting all those amazing years!
you know I never knew what my boobs looked like when I was growing up I never looked at them. I would hide them in minimizer bras all the time. And that was that I think I even slept with a bra on at some point.
when my sister was growing up and I saw her boobs that were and are amazing I realized that I never saw mine at that age I think I only looked at them for the first time about 4 or 5 years ago all those years that they were standing so beautifully I missed!! And now im still hating myself! Wasting some more time.
So I shot myself naked today sitting!! With my tire and everything and I'm sorry but it's so ugly!and so unattractive I had to go put a shirt on. I hope I don’t get to be really old to be accepting myself and I HATE !! that im so superficial and obsessed with it. I hope it ends really really soon!
And so my photos will suck for a while now … I apologize in advance (to my self of cours)
-------------------------------------
QUICK MESAGE
im not saying this to get comments telling me in beautiful and that my curves are sexy i know my curves are sexy thats not the problem. and not the issue . im just speaking my mind and my insecurities that are taking over again... thats all.