HEY, YA GOTTA REMEMBER THIS IS THE BIBLE BELT.

* NO PARKING [EXCEPT FOR CONCERTS AND POLITICAL RALLIES?]

* NO LITTERING [KEEP THE NEIGHBORHOOD CLEAN.]

* NO ALCOHOL [NO BOOZE? WHERE WILL OUR TEENAGERS PARTY?]

* NO PANHANDLING [UH, THEY'RE DEAD!]

* NO GAMBLING [NO WHAAAAAAAAAT?]

* NO SKATE BOARDING [OK, THIS RULE KIND O' MAKES SENSE.]

* NO GUNS [SOMEONE MIGHT GET KILLED]

* NO LOUD NOISES [YA WANNA WAKE THE DEAD?]

* NO ANIMALS [YA DON'T WANT ONE OF THE RESIDENTS STEPPING IN A PILE OF STUFF.]

* NO SEX OFFENDERS [IN A CEMETERY? WHAT ABOUT THE NECROPHILIACS?]

* NO DAMAGING VEGETATION [HEY, MOST FLOWERS ARE PLASTIC ANYWAY.]

* NO PLANTING [YEAH, WELL WHO'S BEEN PLANTING THOS PLASTIC FLOWERS?]

* NO DRUGS [REMEMBER, DRUGS CAN KILL YOU]

* NO SMOKING [REMEMBER, CIGARETTES CAN KILL YOU, TOO.]

 

AND

 

* NO CAMPING. [CAMPING? CAMPING? CAMPING? C'MON, YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG.]

 

ASHEVILLE NC:

Done