So Why Do I Still Feel So Goddamn Inferior?

Can't be too loud

Can't be too busy

If I don't answer now, are they still gonna need me?

Can't be too proud

Can't think I'm pretty

Do they keep me around, so their flaws just seem silly?

 

 

Today, I was inspired by Strawberry Singh's "Then and Now" challenge, though in a bit of an unconventional way. You'll notice you're not seeing a side-by-side of my old avatar and my current... instead you're just seeing my current. And honestly, that's probably best for you - I change my avatar *constantly*.

 

Have you ever wondered why?

 

Second Life makes it so easy for us to change our appearance as dramatically (or subtly) as we want at the push of a couple sliders or the purchase of a new skin or body... or both. We can change as often or as little as we'd like. Nothing and no one - aside from maybe our linden balance - is stopping us.

 

I personally tend to change my avatar when I'm particularly at war with my own body image in RL. When I can't look in the mirror at myself because I hate what I see... when I don't eat in a day because I hate myself every time I try... those are the times that I immerse myself in my virtual dress-up doll and change her appearance to reflect whatever looks pretty to me at the time.

 

Some of you don't know how much I've struggled with this for most of my life. Some of you don't know that I took the step last year to get weight loss surgery along with the necessary lifestyle changes required for post-surgery in order to help with this.

 

And even if you did know those things, some of you don't know that I still hate myself and my body. And part of me is terrified that this is all it will ever be, no matter how hard I try to make it not be.

 

I did everything right... I made the changes... I got the surgery... so why do I still hate myself?

 

Or, as the song says, "Why do I still feel so goddamn inferior?"

 

 

.:| Shape |:. Personal Shape

.:| Head |:. EvoX Gaia Head (v3.1) - Lelutka

.:| Body |:. Reborn Body - Ebody

.:| Ears |:. Gauged S Lel EvoX Ears - Swallow

.:| Skin |:. Una Skin (Snow Tone) - Heaux

.:| Lipstick |:. Starlight Lips - MILANI

.:| Hair |:. Ryan Hair - Doux

.:| Top & Shorts |:. Rufina Set - MeHoney

.:| Septum Ring |:. Ho-oh Septum - ZOOM

.:| Earrings |:. Gauged S01 Earrings - Swallow

.:| Necklace |:. Jessa's Necklace (Gold) - Kibitz

.:| Phone |:. Daisy Refresher with Phone - Lyrium @ Equal10

 

.:| Pose |:. Ayashi 2 - Versuta

.:| Backdrop |:. Pastel Love (School of Hard Pinks) - Foxcity

 

.:| Taken at Backdrop City |:.

 

.:| Tuneage |:. "Fat Funny Friend" - Maddie Zahm ♥

Done