P1490113
GST Voles at Sandy Smith NR 8/3/2016
I love to get the match reports. So not much work done then??? Aahhh removing tree guards - one of our favourite duties. Nearly as much fun as litter picking - I send a picture of us doing the Clean for the Queen session last Friday. The Council didn't have time to arrange it so I took it on and we got 35 bags full. 12 helpers and happy to report that one of them was a Dave. We couldn't do without our Daves could we?
So pleased the Buxtons are OK and that Colin will soon be up and running as well. Missing you, Sue
On 08/03/2016 22:31, Malcolm J Willis wrote:
Match Reporter: Ivor Dampbottom.
Statistically this was a game of three halves. The Sandykneesters were hoping that home advantage would prove advantageous, but unfortunately for them and fortunately for the Voles the weather stayed away and so any advantage was lost. It seems the Voles, now well bedded in manage Mr T., has settled into his job well and his new signings are beginning to find their feet which should put them on a good footing for the future. Many members of the press were sceptical as none of his new recruits are named Dave, surely this would be a barrier impossible to hurdle? However, as I predicted but kept to myself so as not to appear smug, this hurdle has proved to be no barrier at all to the newcomers who are fitting in well, as could be seen as they calmly stood around and chatted just as easily as those brought up through the academy. Remember you heard it here in black and white first, just as I foretold.
The game started slowly, the Voles sticking to what they know best, sitting back waiting for the opposition to make a move and show its hand by making a false step. But as usual this stand off could not last for long and soon Dave 'Slash 'em down' Moffatt was in the thicket of it, barging in like a thing possessed, the demon that he is in the heart of the Voles defence. He was sooner or later joined by the rest of his team mates, and finally the rest of the team, as they got stuck in to the home side, some getting stickier than others.
Some in the crowd were bemused by the manager's use of the wingers who were so wide in the field, for a long time in the first quarter it seemed like they were out of the game altogether. However the manager managed to regroup his forces when several clashes of heads against the Reserves defensive wall brought about blood injuries and a delay in the proceedings. As usual the magic sponge, looking suspiciously like a doughnut, did the trick and after several minutes everyone was up on their feet and ready to do battle again. But yet again, and for the second time in this game, the Voles simply could not make their advantage count to their advantage. By halftime something new was needed if the points were to be in the bags along with everything else.
The halftime entertainment was supplied through Pitzy Pitts, that well known to all who know him, players' agent, introducing to the crowd two well loved players from the past, Colin, 'Carve 'em up' Atkins and John 'The Venerable' Buxton. Although both are now on the long term injury list it is to be hoped that they will soon be back fighting for their places. It would be an exaggeration to say the crowd went wild as they were already in the wilderness of a nil, nil, draw. However spirits were lifted when both players expressed the opinion that they will do better when they are better.
It was now and at this time that we saw the exceptional occurrence of the Manager handing over the reins to his Assistant Manager, Sue Raven. 'Ravenous' Raven was quick to live up to her nicked name and for many the end of halftime couldn't come quick enough.
And so to the second half, coming as it did, just after the first half. And now we saw a new approach to the game. 'Slash 'em Down' Moffatt was substituted as finesse was now the order of the day. No longer were we seeing the crawling game of the first half. Safety first was out of the window with a deafening crash that could be heard even by a blind man and his dog. Now the team was working as a team as it swooped down on its opponent as if from a great height as each player stood tall. Darting this way and that way, but always to an unspoken plan, the Voles were finally getting to grips with their rivals, the opposition. I say this as only Shakespeare could have typed it: This was a lean, mean fighting machine. And if that's not poetry to the eyes I don't know what is.
Man of the Match 'Will of the Wisp' Willis was soon on the score sheet again and again and again. Yes, six times in all, including a hat trick. The Reserves defences were now in tatters as the Voles took the game to them as they sat back. Soon the scoring became like a turkey shoot of fish in a barrel. The Voles just couldn't miss as their tally rose by the minute every sixty seconds. So Wiley Willis top scored with six, but who's counting when the score is 27 v 0? "l'm over the moon, Brian" he later said at the press conference to our reporter in the studio, Jackie Baker. And so by the end the game it was all over.
When asked about the change in management style half way through the match Mr T. exclaimed that it was all pre planned before the game and he was, quote, "Over the moon, Brian. I'd prefer not to comment about the referee or any today's officials in case I get into trouble about saying how poor they were. Typical bunch of 'homers' who were too frightened by the crowd to give anything to the away team. Anyway I've said enough. I've said too much already so don't ask me anything else. I'd pay monkeys peanuts but not them." When grilled, Ravenous Raven said she preferred deep fried, but apart from that was, "Over the moon, Brian. It was a game of two halves and clearly both of them belonged to us, even the first half when we didn't score. Any claims of some of our goals being offside are clearly a smokescreen and you should see through it. We could have had a penalty when Wendy went down. Claims that she took a dive and was already down there are nonsense and make no sense whatsoever. Had the referee been up to the job they'd have been down to eleven players at the end but I'm not saying anything about the atrocious decisions he made in case it gets me into trouble again. I will say he won't be getting a Christmas card off me this Easter." Later I approached Wendy to get her side of the events and she said, "I'm over the moon, Brian. It was a game of two halves and I thought we dominated all of them, especially the last quarter. Wasn't the referee a nice man, I wish we had him every week."
Match Stats:
Goals: Reserves 0; Voles 27.
Possession: Reserves 29%; Voles 83%.
Fouls: Reserves 72; Voles 0.
(Little Owl, Buzzards, Skylarks, Brown Things)
Corners: 4
Attendance: Not compulsory unless you didn't come.
Next game: Pheasants in aspic.
Any resemblance to football reports or reporters alive or presumed to be, are impurely intentional.
Okay so thanks to everyone who came and removed tree guards in the morning and then searched for harvest mice nests in the afternoon. Sue was well chuffed with us finding 27.
So good to see John B and Colin A at lunchtime thanks to the good offices of Mr Pitts. We trust Colin will eventually have his operation next Wednesday and then will soon be back with us. Also looking forward to seeing Audrey when she is given the 'all clear' and is feeling up to her Tuesday adventures.
Finally we hope Steve J had an electrifying day.
P.S. If your game is rugger you won't have understood any of this!
Malcolm
P1490113
GST Voles at Sandy Smith NR 8/3/2016
I love to get the match reports. So not much work done then??? Aahhh removing tree guards - one of our favourite duties. Nearly as much fun as litter picking - I send a picture of us doing the Clean for the Queen session last Friday. The Council didn't have time to arrange it so I took it on and we got 35 bags full. 12 helpers and happy to report that one of them was a Dave. We couldn't do without our Daves could we?
So pleased the Buxtons are OK and that Colin will soon be up and running as well. Missing you, Sue
On 08/03/2016 22:31, Malcolm J Willis wrote:
Match Reporter: Ivor Dampbottom.
Statistically this was a game of three halves. The Sandykneesters were hoping that home advantage would prove advantageous, but unfortunately for them and fortunately for the Voles the weather stayed away and so any advantage was lost. It seems the Voles, now well bedded in manage Mr T., has settled into his job well and his new signings are beginning to find their feet which should put them on a good footing for the future. Many members of the press were sceptical as none of his new recruits are named Dave, surely this would be a barrier impossible to hurdle? However, as I predicted but kept to myself so as not to appear smug, this hurdle has proved to be no barrier at all to the newcomers who are fitting in well, as could be seen as they calmly stood around and chatted just as easily as those brought up through the academy. Remember you heard it here in black and white first, just as I foretold.
The game started slowly, the Voles sticking to what they know best, sitting back waiting for the opposition to make a move and show its hand by making a false step. But as usual this stand off could not last for long and soon Dave 'Slash 'em down' Moffatt was in the thicket of it, barging in like a thing possessed, the demon that he is in the heart of the Voles defence. He was sooner or later joined by the rest of his team mates, and finally the rest of the team, as they got stuck in to the home side, some getting stickier than others.
Some in the crowd were bemused by the manager's use of the wingers who were so wide in the field, for a long time in the first quarter it seemed like they were out of the game altogether. However the manager managed to regroup his forces when several clashes of heads against the Reserves defensive wall brought about blood injuries and a delay in the proceedings. As usual the magic sponge, looking suspiciously like a doughnut, did the trick and after several minutes everyone was up on their feet and ready to do battle again. But yet again, and for the second time in this game, the Voles simply could not make their advantage count to their advantage. By halftime something new was needed if the points were to be in the bags along with everything else.
The halftime entertainment was supplied through Pitzy Pitts, that well known to all who know him, players' agent, introducing to the crowd two well loved players from the past, Colin, 'Carve 'em up' Atkins and John 'The Venerable' Buxton. Although both are now on the long term injury list it is to be hoped that they will soon be back fighting for their places. It would be an exaggeration to say the crowd went wild as they were already in the wilderness of a nil, nil, draw. However spirits were lifted when both players expressed the opinion that they will do better when they are better.
It was now and at this time that we saw the exceptional occurrence of the Manager handing over the reins to his Assistant Manager, Sue Raven. 'Ravenous' Raven was quick to live up to her nicked name and for many the end of halftime couldn't come quick enough.
And so to the second half, coming as it did, just after the first half. And now we saw a new approach to the game. 'Slash 'em Down' Moffatt was substituted as finesse was now the order of the day. No longer were we seeing the crawling game of the first half. Safety first was out of the window with a deafening crash that could be heard even by a blind man and his dog. Now the team was working as a team as it swooped down on its opponent as if from a great height as each player stood tall. Darting this way and that way, but always to an unspoken plan, the Voles were finally getting to grips with their rivals, the opposition. I say this as only Shakespeare could have typed it: This was a lean, mean fighting machine. And if that's not poetry to the eyes I don't know what is.
Man of the Match 'Will of the Wisp' Willis was soon on the score sheet again and again and again. Yes, six times in all, including a hat trick. The Reserves defences were now in tatters as the Voles took the game to them as they sat back. Soon the scoring became like a turkey shoot of fish in a barrel. The Voles just couldn't miss as their tally rose by the minute every sixty seconds. So Wiley Willis top scored with six, but who's counting when the score is 27 v 0? "l'm over the moon, Brian" he later said at the press conference to our reporter in the studio, Jackie Baker. And so by the end the game it was all over.
When asked about the change in management style half way through the match Mr T. exclaimed that it was all pre planned before the game and he was, quote, "Over the moon, Brian. I'd prefer not to comment about the referee or any today's officials in case I get into trouble about saying how poor they were. Typical bunch of 'homers' who were too frightened by the crowd to give anything to the away team. Anyway I've said enough. I've said too much already so don't ask me anything else. I'd pay monkeys peanuts but not them." When grilled, Ravenous Raven said she preferred deep fried, but apart from that was, "Over the moon, Brian. It was a game of two halves and clearly both of them belonged to us, even the first half when we didn't score. Any claims of some of our goals being offside are clearly a smokescreen and you should see through it. We could have had a penalty when Wendy went down. Claims that she took a dive and was already down there are nonsense and make no sense whatsoever. Had the referee been up to the job they'd have been down to eleven players at the end but I'm not saying anything about the atrocious decisions he made in case it gets me into trouble again. I will say he won't be getting a Christmas card off me this Easter." Later I approached Wendy to get her side of the events and she said, "I'm over the moon, Brian. It was a game of two halves and I thought we dominated all of them, especially the last quarter. Wasn't the referee a nice man, I wish we had him every week."
Match Stats:
Goals: Reserves 0; Voles 27.
Possession: Reserves 29%; Voles 83%.
Fouls: Reserves 72; Voles 0.
(Little Owl, Buzzards, Skylarks, Brown Things)
Corners: 4
Attendance: Not compulsory unless you didn't come.
Next game: Pheasants in aspic.
Any resemblance to football reports or reporters alive or presumed to be, are impurely intentional.
Okay so thanks to everyone who came and removed tree guards in the morning and then searched for harvest mice nests in the afternoon. Sue was well chuffed with us finding 27.
So good to see John B and Colin A at lunchtime thanks to the good offices of Mr Pitts. We trust Colin will eventually have his operation next Wednesday and then will soon be back with us. Also looking forward to seeing Audrey when she is given the 'all clear' and is feeling up to her Tuesday adventures.
Finally we hope Steve J had an electrifying day.
P.S. If your game is rugger you won't have understood any of this!
Malcolm