P1140893
Yesterday at Voles
"The Voles started appearing in dribs and drabs.
1st Vole: That’s a nice Drab you’ve got there.
2nd Vole: Thanks, my old Drib was getting a bit drab so I thought I’d change it for a Drab.
1st Vole: Is that the one that at the mere push of the off-road button, it turns into a highly capable off-road vehicle, adept at climbing slippery slopes, descending steep hills and maintaining control on difficult terrain using the very latest 4x4 systems. Does the interior meet even the most exacting of standards, the cabin spacious, airy and flexible and containing a variety of standard features and does it take safety very seriously too, so all the trims have driver and passenger, front, side and curtain airbags as standard.
2nd Vole: I don’t know, but it’s silver.
1st Vole: Oh.
Just then Mr T. Strode into their midst.
3rd Vole: Hey, watch my midst. You’re striding right into it!
Mr T.: Right, listen up. You all remember what you did when we were last here.
1st Vole: It wasn’t me, I wasn’t here.
2nd Vole: She told me to do it, honest.
3rd Vole: I didn’t do it and even if I did, you can’t prove it ‘cause I burnt the evidence.
4th Vole: I’m clinically insane, no court in the land will convict me.
The remaining Voles looked sheepish. It was the thick Arran sweaters that did it.
Mr T.: I mean planting the trees in straight rows, two point five metres apart. However so that it doesn’t look like you’ve planted them in straight rows, two point five metres apart, you shall only plant them in straight rows in one direction and not the other. So where the canes have been put in straight lines, two point five metres apart, it will be your job to follow on behind planting the trees in a straight line in one direction but not the other and more than or less than two point five metres apart. Remember?
The Voles remembered and several fainted, two had the recurrence of their nose bleeds and three again escaped across the fields. [Note to self; must replace the razor wire with electric fencing].
Mr T.: Anyway so that we can plant another 900 this week I want you to get into four groups of three. One making holes, one planting and one putting the guards on.
1st Vole: What do the other nine do?
Mr T.: What other nine?
1st Vole: Well if three are doing what you said that leaves nine watching.
Mr T. Speaking slowly: No, I want four group of three and in each group one will make holes, one will plant and one will put guards on.
2nd Vole: So the lines are already there?
Mr T. Speaking slowly and quietly: No, one group will measure out leaving three groups to do the planting, except that I’m going to do some pruning so the other two can help the other groups.
3rd Vole: So two groups will be four?
Mr. T. Speaking very slowly and quietly: Yes.
4th Vole: So there will be one group of three measuring the lines, two groups of four doing the work of three, one group of three and one pruning?
Mr. T. Speaking very slowly and very quietly: Yes.
5th Vole: What happens when Maryla comes?
Mr. T. Speaking very slowly, very quietly and sobbing: We can have another group of three with Maryla and the two who were in the two groups of four.
6th Vole: What happens when Ros comes?
Mr. T. Speaking very slowly, very quietly, sobbing and pulling out chunks of hair: I’ll sort it out later.
1st Vole to 2nd Vole as they wander off in the general direction of where they are going: Typical management, never think things through. Anyway this Drab of yours, it seems to me it strikes the perfect balance between on road performance, family orientated practicality and rugged 4x4 styling and with a choice of two or four wheel drive systems on both diesel and petrol engines, as well as flexible varioflex rear seating, sizable boot space and higher ride height as standard, it is perfect for life in towns and cities.
2nd Vole: I like the colour.
Later that same day:
Mr T.: Okay then, I think we’re all happy now?
Voles: Oh no we’re not
Mr T.: Oh yes we are.
Voles: Oh no, we’re not.
Mr T.: I see, it’s the pantomime season is it?
Voles: Oh no it isn’t.
Mr T.: Oh yes it is.
Voles: Behind youuuuuuu.
Mr T.: I’m not falling for that.
Even later that same day:
3rd Vole to 4th Vole: Who’s going to tell him Jock peed up his leg?
Thanks to:- The Venerable Buxton for the gallons of tea and the hot pot, Lady Buxton for the Badger pudding, [no badger was culled in the making or eating of this pudding], and everyone who worked so manfully and womanfully throughout the day.
Malcolm"
See what we have to suffer on Tuesdays! I am glad I was late for the briefing so didn't hear any of the instructions as I wouldn't have understood them anyway :)
P1140893
Yesterday at Voles
"The Voles started appearing in dribs and drabs.
1st Vole: That’s a nice Drab you’ve got there.
2nd Vole: Thanks, my old Drib was getting a bit drab so I thought I’d change it for a Drab.
1st Vole: Is that the one that at the mere push of the off-road button, it turns into a highly capable off-road vehicle, adept at climbing slippery slopes, descending steep hills and maintaining control on difficult terrain using the very latest 4x4 systems. Does the interior meet even the most exacting of standards, the cabin spacious, airy and flexible and containing a variety of standard features and does it take safety very seriously too, so all the trims have driver and passenger, front, side and curtain airbags as standard.
2nd Vole: I don’t know, but it’s silver.
1st Vole: Oh.
Just then Mr T. Strode into their midst.
3rd Vole: Hey, watch my midst. You’re striding right into it!
Mr T.: Right, listen up. You all remember what you did when we were last here.
1st Vole: It wasn’t me, I wasn’t here.
2nd Vole: She told me to do it, honest.
3rd Vole: I didn’t do it and even if I did, you can’t prove it ‘cause I burnt the evidence.
4th Vole: I’m clinically insane, no court in the land will convict me.
The remaining Voles looked sheepish. It was the thick Arran sweaters that did it.
Mr T.: I mean planting the trees in straight rows, two point five metres apart. However so that it doesn’t look like you’ve planted them in straight rows, two point five metres apart, you shall only plant them in straight rows in one direction and not the other. So where the canes have been put in straight lines, two point five metres apart, it will be your job to follow on behind planting the trees in a straight line in one direction but not the other and more than or less than two point five metres apart. Remember?
The Voles remembered and several fainted, two had the recurrence of their nose bleeds and three again escaped across the fields. [Note to self; must replace the razor wire with electric fencing].
Mr T.: Anyway so that we can plant another 900 this week I want you to get into four groups of three. One making holes, one planting and one putting the guards on.
1st Vole: What do the other nine do?
Mr T.: What other nine?
1st Vole: Well if three are doing what you said that leaves nine watching.
Mr T. Speaking slowly: No, I want four group of three and in each group one will make holes, one will plant and one will put guards on.
2nd Vole: So the lines are already there?
Mr T. Speaking slowly and quietly: No, one group will measure out leaving three groups to do the planting, except that I’m going to do some pruning so the other two can help the other groups.
3rd Vole: So two groups will be four?
Mr. T. Speaking very slowly and quietly: Yes.
4th Vole: So there will be one group of three measuring the lines, two groups of four doing the work of three, one group of three and one pruning?
Mr. T. Speaking very slowly and very quietly: Yes.
5th Vole: What happens when Maryla comes?
Mr. T. Speaking very slowly, very quietly and sobbing: We can have another group of three with Maryla and the two who were in the two groups of four.
6th Vole: What happens when Ros comes?
Mr. T. Speaking very slowly, very quietly, sobbing and pulling out chunks of hair: I’ll sort it out later.
1st Vole to 2nd Vole as they wander off in the general direction of where they are going: Typical management, never think things through. Anyway this Drab of yours, it seems to me it strikes the perfect balance between on road performance, family orientated practicality and rugged 4x4 styling and with a choice of two or four wheel drive systems on both diesel and petrol engines, as well as flexible varioflex rear seating, sizable boot space and higher ride height as standard, it is perfect for life in towns and cities.
2nd Vole: I like the colour.
Later that same day:
Mr T.: Okay then, I think we’re all happy now?
Voles: Oh no we’re not
Mr T.: Oh yes we are.
Voles: Oh no, we’re not.
Mr T.: I see, it’s the pantomime season is it?
Voles: Oh no it isn’t.
Mr T.: Oh yes it is.
Voles: Behind youuuuuuu.
Mr T.: I’m not falling for that.
Even later that same day:
3rd Vole to 4th Vole: Who’s going to tell him Jock peed up his leg?
Thanks to:- The Venerable Buxton for the gallons of tea and the hot pot, Lady Buxton for the Badger pudding, [no badger was culled in the making or eating of this pudding], and everyone who worked so manfully and womanfully throughout the day.
Malcolm"
See what we have to suffer on Tuesdays! I am glad I was late for the briefing so didn't hear any of the instructions as I wouldn't have understood them anyway :)