PaRCha - JNU - AISA - 2013 ID-6597
.
-~-~Join an Interactive Meeting organised by GSCASH --with Counselors and GSCASH .
Counselors.
Shifa Haq (Psyclzotherapist, Ehsaas, Ambedkar University) .
4 Au.g Tonight Nupur Dhingra (Psychotherapist, Ehsaas, Ambedkar University) .
Shipra Mess 9.30pm .
It isn't enough to acknowledge that it's wrong to attack a woman with an axe. Or with a knife or gun Or with acid. .
After all, that is something most ofus here in JNU would acknowledge-and yet this temble incident could take place .
on our campus. .
We need to begin to talk about how we-men and women both-and our culture acknowledges the right ofwomen to .
say 'No'. Do we teach and encourage men to acknowledge a woman's autonomy with grace and with respect? .
Inthe wake oftheterrible incident ofgender violence that has shaken JNU, we all need to look within and re-examine .
our attitudes towards gender and towards our the relation between·men and women. .
Kolaveri Da? .
Remember 'Kolaveri Di', which went viral on the internet? The song has a man singing languidly about a woman's .
'killer rage' ('kolaveri'), when she rejects him. The song is about 'Soup boys', and the singer himselfexplains that .
"'Soup song' n1eans 'rejection' song. 'Soup boys' are boys who got rejected." The song has lyrics about a man nursing .
his glass ofalcohol, in the wake ofrejection by a girl who insists onEnglish, and who is 'white' but has a 'black' heart. .
This popular song accuses woman of'kolaveri' (Tamil for killer rage). But infact, is it women, or men who display .
'killer rage'?Isn't it mostly men \\those 'ego' is hurt by a woman's 'No', who indulge in acid attacks, in stalking and .
.
other forms ofviolence? Doesn't our culture glorify this masculine inability to take 'No' from a won1an? Doesn't our culture have immense reserves ofsympathy and even admiration for the figure ofthe tragic, 'spurned' lover? The .
Kolaveri song is one instance. And the~ look at our obsession with the Devdas story-a story ofa man who self-.
destructs because of.his obsessive love for a woman he cannot marry. Govinda sings "kab takroothegi, cheekhegi, .
chillayegi, dil kehta hai ek din haseena maanjaayegi"-indicating to men that they should keep 'pursuing' women even whenthey shout, scream and make it amply clear that the answer is a NO. .
Howdoespopular cinema in India look at thefigure ofthe woman who rejects a man orwalks out ofa relationship? When Bollywood remakes 'Kramer vs Kramer' (as Akele Hwn Akele Tum), it has to vilify the divorce-seeking wife and subject her to lectures on herjob as wife and mother. The same when Hollywood remakes Mrs Doubtfire as Chachi420. In the Hollywood versions ofthese films, there is a fair bit ofsympathy for the wife'sfrustration with .
husbands who are insensitive to their careers and neglectful ofany domestic work, and the men concerned learn and change as a result ofhaving to bear the responsibility ofbringing up a child. But in the Bollywoodversions, as in the .
Kolaveri song, the women are lectured about their class arrogance and/or career aspirations which they place .
above maternal and wifely duty. .
What is scary is that our sympathy for the obsessive male 'lover' (and condemnation ofa woman who .
breaks/rejects a relationship) isn't confined to films. It plays out in real life. And therefore, stalking, wrist-.
slitting, erratic and violent behavior that threatens destruction and self-destruction both is rationalized as love, and natural given how hurt the man is and how deeply he loves the girl. When our friend indulges in stalking, sending .
hundreds ofSMSes ormaking incessant calls, threatening suicide orviolence to the woman they'love,' do we recognise .
it as stalking? Do we counsel him to stop and n1ake sure he does? Or do we believe this is just natuml behaviour for .
someone in 'love', and do we believe the woman is being insensitive for 'rejecting' him? Remember how Sharad .
Yadav, JD(U) 1v1P, during the qebate in Parliament over the new rape law some months back asked how men could .
persuade any woman to marry themunless they stalked her? .
Itis almost as ifthe agency ofa woman to ta]{e decisions about herlife, to decide to wall{ in orwalk out of .
teachlng men to respect a woman's autonomy and her right to take decisions, instead ofglorifying obsession andrelationships, simply does not need to be acknowledged and respected. Shouldn't we be concerned about .
violence in the name of'love'?We need to keep reminding ourselves that no matter what the Hindi ortheTamil or the .
P.T.O .
.
1·,.:. ·o-o....~-------_3-·f-':.-~ .
. -. --· .
.
PaRCha - JNU - AISA - 2013 ID-6597
.
-~-~Join an Interactive Meeting organised by GSCASH --with Counselors and GSCASH .
Counselors.
Shifa Haq (Psyclzotherapist, Ehsaas, Ambedkar University) .
4 Au.g Tonight Nupur Dhingra (Psychotherapist, Ehsaas, Ambedkar University) .
Shipra Mess 9.30pm .
It isn't enough to acknowledge that it's wrong to attack a woman with an axe. Or with a knife or gun Or with acid. .
After all, that is something most ofus here in JNU would acknowledge-and yet this temble incident could take place .
on our campus. .
We need to begin to talk about how we-men and women both-and our culture acknowledges the right ofwomen to .
say 'No'. Do we teach and encourage men to acknowledge a woman's autonomy with grace and with respect? .
Inthe wake oftheterrible incident ofgender violence that has shaken JNU, we all need to look within and re-examine .
our attitudes towards gender and towards our the relation between·men and women. .
Kolaveri Da? .
Remember 'Kolaveri Di', which went viral on the internet? The song has a man singing languidly about a woman's .
'killer rage' ('kolaveri'), when she rejects him. The song is about 'Soup boys', and the singer himselfexplains that .
"'Soup song' n1eans 'rejection' song. 'Soup boys' are boys who got rejected." The song has lyrics about a man nursing .
his glass ofalcohol, in the wake ofrejection by a girl who insists onEnglish, and who is 'white' but has a 'black' heart. .
This popular song accuses woman of'kolaveri' (Tamil for killer rage). But infact, is it women, or men who display .
'killer rage'?Isn't it mostly men \\those 'ego' is hurt by a woman's 'No', who indulge in acid attacks, in stalking and .
.
other forms ofviolence? Doesn't our culture glorify this masculine inability to take 'No' from a won1an? Doesn't our culture have immense reserves ofsympathy and even admiration for the figure ofthe tragic, 'spurned' lover? The .
Kolaveri song is one instance. And the~ look at our obsession with the Devdas story-a story ofa man who self-.
destructs because of.his obsessive love for a woman he cannot marry. Govinda sings "kab takroothegi, cheekhegi, .
chillayegi, dil kehta hai ek din haseena maanjaayegi"-indicating to men that they should keep 'pursuing' women even whenthey shout, scream and make it amply clear that the answer is a NO. .
Howdoespopular cinema in India look at thefigure ofthe woman who rejects a man orwalks out ofa relationship? When Bollywood remakes 'Kramer vs Kramer' (as Akele Hwn Akele Tum), it has to vilify the divorce-seeking wife and subject her to lectures on herjob as wife and mother. The same when Hollywood remakes Mrs Doubtfire as Chachi420. In the Hollywood versions ofthese films, there is a fair bit ofsympathy for the wife'sfrustration with .
husbands who are insensitive to their careers and neglectful ofany domestic work, and the men concerned learn and change as a result ofhaving to bear the responsibility ofbringing up a child. But in the Bollywoodversions, as in the .
Kolaveri song, the women are lectured about their class arrogance and/or career aspirations which they place .
above maternal and wifely duty. .
What is scary is that our sympathy for the obsessive male 'lover' (and condemnation ofa woman who .
breaks/rejects a relationship) isn't confined to films. It plays out in real life. And therefore, stalking, wrist-.
slitting, erratic and violent behavior that threatens destruction and self-destruction both is rationalized as love, and natural given how hurt the man is and how deeply he loves the girl. When our friend indulges in stalking, sending .
hundreds ofSMSes ormaking incessant calls, threatening suicide orviolence to the woman they'love,' do we recognise .
it as stalking? Do we counsel him to stop and n1ake sure he does? Or do we believe this is just natuml behaviour for .
someone in 'love', and do we believe the woman is being insensitive for 'rejecting' him? Remember how Sharad .
Yadav, JD(U) 1v1P, during the qebate in Parliament over the new rape law some months back asked how men could .
persuade any woman to marry themunless they stalked her? .
Itis almost as ifthe agency ofa woman to ta]{e decisions about herlife, to decide to wall{ in orwalk out of .
teachlng men to respect a woman's autonomy and her right to take decisions, instead ofglorifying obsession andrelationships, simply does not need to be acknowledged and respected. Shouldn't we be concerned about .
violence in the name of'love'?We need to keep reminding ourselves that no matter what the Hindi ortheTamil or the .
P.T.O .
.
1·,.:. ·o-o....~-------_3-·f-':.-~ .
. -. --· .
.