Evacuees' Press Conference
We now take you to the temporary headquarters of the Texas Kritter Krewe for a press conference...
Timmy: Good morning. As the self-appointed chief of the Texas Kritter Krewe, I will be making a brief statement regarding our evacuation of Hugetown. Afterward, I will field questions as long as I feel like it.
As all of you know by now that the Gulf Coast area was struck by Hurricane Ike last Friday. I just want to make sure that all of our friends and relatives know that I am OK. My part of Hugetown was in the eye wall for several hours of intense wind and rain without the break that would have come if the eye had passed directly overhead. As a result, I was left without lectrical power, running water and unreliable connections for communications devices. After several days of making the best of a bad situation and inspired by the words of the great philosopher Thomas Earl Petty, who said "Now baby you don't have to live like a refugee", I decided that the best alternative was to evacuate until conditions improve.
I made the decision to head where important people hide out in times of trouble and danger, a ranch in Crawford, Texas. I arrived at the front gate and pressed the buzzer to ask if I could hang out there until the storm damage is all cleaned up -- the voice on the other end said that only Dubya could OK that and he couldn't be interrupted while watching cartoons. I asked to speak to that other dude, the one who should be playing The Penguin in the next Batman movie -- they said he couldn't OK that but he would love to take me hunting sometime...
Since that was a bust, I decided to head further north into Indian Territory, since I am on pretty good terms with the Osage. Once I crossed the Red River, I was happy to find that the Native Americans had built a turnpike to provide us safe passage through their nations. Upon arriving at the Fairy Godmother's house, I have been able to relax and enjoy the kritter comforts to which I am normally accustomed.
I'll now consider answering some of your questions...
Snort the Bull, Beanie Times: You only make references to yourself. Were you alone in this escape from the hurricane-ravaged conditions of your neighborhood?
Timmy: Nah, Mommy, Daddy and all those other stuffed dudes were with me and are doing just fine but I'm the only one I really care about, so let's stick to the most important subject here: ME!
Fluffy Muffins, Stuffed Cat FanMag: How did your food supply hold out during the days after the storm?
Timmy: Good question. At first, there were plenty of snacks, even enough to share with friends. When everything in the fridge and freezer started to go south, Mommy and Daddy wouldn't stop whining... and with no stores open, there was just no shutting them up -- it was all like "We want to eat more than two meals a day. We want a balanced diet."
Fluffy Muffins, Stuffed Cat FanMag: A follow-up question, if I may... You mentioned sharing snacks with other victims of Hurricane Ike. What about the rumors that you distributed cookies contaminated with monkey-butt?
Timmy: I will not, at this time or in the future, discuss the current or past activities of my butt or its proximity to hurricane relief supplies. Those supplies were distributed in good faith and were appreciated by those who received and consumed them. Would you ask John McCain that question?!
Scruffy, Knitters Gone Wild: What about the relief supplies to be distributed through official channels?
Timmy: I never saw any of those. As a matter of fact, our congressman was on TV asking for food and water for the Texas DPS officers and National Guard. FEMA was supposed to give them some, plus extras for the hurricane victims. I know that the E and M stand for "Emergency Management" but Mommy will get really mad if I say what Daddy told me the F and A stand for...
Rover Reporter, Plushie Canine Insider: But what about the MRE's being distributed to the victims?
Timmy: Dude, once I heard that they would be handing out "Monkeys, Ready to Eat" -- I didn't stick around to become somebody's snack pack!
G.I. Joe, Action Figure News: Um, don't you think some of your remarks might be slightly offensive to Native Americans?
Timmy: My experience has been that most Native Americans have a pretty good sense of humor. The Osage were uprooted and relocated twice -- only to find that the land they were given was sitting on top of a whole bunch of oil! Now they can just laugh and laugh...
Scooter, Webkins Web Blog: What about the stories of gas shortages in Hugetown?
Timmy: Sure, all of the stations were closed because they were either out of gas or didn't have power but as long as we have Daddy, there will never be a gas shortage wherever we are.
Sox the Monkey, World Handycraft Review: Will you be returning to Hugetown anytime soon?
Timmy: I suppose I'll have to at some point... but have you seen the Fairy Godmother's pantry? I'm moving the TV in there and never coming out!!!
OK, I'm bored and over this, so that ends our press conference -- Later, Dudes!
Evacuees' Press Conference
We now take you to the temporary headquarters of the Texas Kritter Krewe for a press conference...
Timmy: Good morning. As the self-appointed chief of the Texas Kritter Krewe, I will be making a brief statement regarding our evacuation of Hugetown. Afterward, I will field questions as long as I feel like it.
As all of you know by now that the Gulf Coast area was struck by Hurricane Ike last Friday. I just want to make sure that all of our friends and relatives know that I am OK. My part of Hugetown was in the eye wall for several hours of intense wind and rain without the break that would have come if the eye had passed directly overhead. As a result, I was left without lectrical power, running water and unreliable connections for communications devices. After several days of making the best of a bad situation and inspired by the words of the great philosopher Thomas Earl Petty, who said "Now baby you don't have to live like a refugee", I decided that the best alternative was to evacuate until conditions improve.
I made the decision to head where important people hide out in times of trouble and danger, a ranch in Crawford, Texas. I arrived at the front gate and pressed the buzzer to ask if I could hang out there until the storm damage is all cleaned up -- the voice on the other end said that only Dubya could OK that and he couldn't be interrupted while watching cartoons. I asked to speak to that other dude, the one who should be playing The Penguin in the next Batman movie -- they said he couldn't OK that but he would love to take me hunting sometime...
Since that was a bust, I decided to head further north into Indian Territory, since I am on pretty good terms with the Osage. Once I crossed the Red River, I was happy to find that the Native Americans had built a turnpike to provide us safe passage through their nations. Upon arriving at the Fairy Godmother's house, I have been able to relax and enjoy the kritter comforts to which I am normally accustomed.
I'll now consider answering some of your questions...
Snort the Bull, Beanie Times: You only make references to yourself. Were you alone in this escape from the hurricane-ravaged conditions of your neighborhood?
Timmy: Nah, Mommy, Daddy and all those other stuffed dudes were with me and are doing just fine but I'm the only one I really care about, so let's stick to the most important subject here: ME!
Fluffy Muffins, Stuffed Cat FanMag: How did your food supply hold out during the days after the storm?
Timmy: Good question. At first, there were plenty of snacks, even enough to share with friends. When everything in the fridge and freezer started to go south, Mommy and Daddy wouldn't stop whining... and with no stores open, there was just no shutting them up -- it was all like "We want to eat more than two meals a day. We want a balanced diet."
Fluffy Muffins, Stuffed Cat FanMag: A follow-up question, if I may... You mentioned sharing snacks with other victims of Hurricane Ike. What about the rumors that you distributed cookies contaminated with monkey-butt?
Timmy: I will not, at this time or in the future, discuss the current or past activities of my butt or its proximity to hurricane relief supplies. Those supplies were distributed in good faith and were appreciated by those who received and consumed them. Would you ask John McCain that question?!
Scruffy, Knitters Gone Wild: What about the relief supplies to be distributed through official channels?
Timmy: I never saw any of those. As a matter of fact, our congressman was on TV asking for food and water for the Texas DPS officers and National Guard. FEMA was supposed to give them some, plus extras for the hurricane victims. I know that the E and M stand for "Emergency Management" but Mommy will get really mad if I say what Daddy told me the F and A stand for...
Rover Reporter, Plushie Canine Insider: But what about the MRE's being distributed to the victims?
Timmy: Dude, once I heard that they would be handing out "Monkeys, Ready to Eat" -- I didn't stick around to become somebody's snack pack!
G.I. Joe, Action Figure News: Um, don't you think some of your remarks might be slightly offensive to Native Americans?
Timmy: My experience has been that most Native Americans have a pretty good sense of humor. The Osage were uprooted and relocated twice -- only to find that the land they were given was sitting on top of a whole bunch of oil! Now they can just laugh and laugh...
Scooter, Webkins Web Blog: What about the stories of gas shortages in Hugetown?
Timmy: Sure, all of the stations were closed because they were either out of gas or didn't have power but as long as we have Daddy, there will never be a gas shortage wherever we are.
Sox the Monkey, World Handycraft Review: Will you be returning to Hugetown anytime soon?
Timmy: I suppose I'll have to at some point... but have you seen the Fairy Godmother's pantry? I'm moving the TV in there and never coming out!!!
OK, I'm bored and over this, so that ends our press conference -- Later, Dudes!