Day 106- Tarot

I realized the other day that I'm getting comfortable here. That I could see myself staying in Wisconsin after Casey dies, if only to stay with the people I'm becoming friends with. I realized that there are two people who could ask me to stay here, and I'd seriously consider it. But at the same time, people who know me tell me they expect me to disappear, or at least to move across the country. I was starting to wonder if I could. If I could handle uprooting and leaving the people I love so much. Can I make friends if I'm grieving? I've become such a shut off, emotionally isolated person in the past two years, and I feel like I'll have to really fight to avoid making that worse over the next two; it'd be easier to recover here, where I have friends already. I was starting to consider going back to school for a med tech degree, and working here for awhile, and moving later. Make it a goal to do it before I hit 30, or something.

 

But I decided to do a tarot reading. I don't do them often; I can usually think through things on my own. And I still want to believe tarot is all bullshit. But my tarot deck has a tendency to be entirely accurate, a little sarcastic, and very to the point. I basically asked it where my future was, coming from the point of view that I should stay here for awhile. For those who know tarot, the card I got for a possible outcome, should I stay on the path I'm on, was the death card, reversed. For those who don't, this signifies stagnation, a fear of change, and resisting transformations; a need to move in a new direction, but the inability to do so.

 

Hopefully the two people who could ask me to stay don't, because it'll be hard to tell them no.

Done