Day 106- My Mask

"You want to know what it's like for me? Do you? It's like...it's like...my brother has been an anchor on me my whole life. Pulling me down. Even before he got sick. Even before he goes and loses it in front of...An anchor!...And you know what I get? I get just enough rope to break the surface. To breathe. But I am never, ever going to...You know what I used to think? I used to think that eventually- you know, sooner or later- I was going to get away from him. Cut the cord, you know? But here I am, forty years old and I'm still down at the nuthouse, running interference for my fucking...Treading water. It's like...like...And I hate him sometimes, I do. I'll admit it. I really hate him. But you know something? Here's the really fucked up part. Nobody else better say anything- nobody else better even look at him cross-eyed or I'll...And the thing is, I think I finally get it, you know? I finally get it."

 

"Get what, Dominick?"

 

"That he's my curse. My anchor. That I'm just going to tread water for the rest of my whole life. That he is my whole life! My fucking, fucked-up brother. I'm just going to tread water, just breathe...and that's it. I'm never going to get away from him! Never!"

 

...

 

"What, exactly, do you think is going to happen, Dominick?"

 

"He's going to pull me under. I'm going to drown."

-"I Know This Much is True" by Wally Lamb

Done