modify_evolution
Day 360- Fuck Everything
1. I'm depressed. No surprise, there. I'm bipolar. Again, no surprise. You know what, though? Sometimes, when I'm upset, or when I'm reacting to something, my depression and my bipolar disorder have nothing to do with it. And responding to me like a "normal" person wouldn't be upset is bullshit. I have a high tolerance for someone I love being an asshole. But treating me like I'm broken, and therefore wrong, crosses some line. Especially when said loved person is being a blatant fuckhead.
1.5. When I hate someone, it's usually short-lived. I usually don't have the energy to maintain that sort of animosity, and it fades off into "Stay away from me, and I'll be good." Somehow, despite every other energy suck in my life, I'm managing to not only maintain a high level of hatred, but increase it. I have never felt so violent towards someone before in my life.
2. Casey's last MRI showed a new spot in her left shoulder. This is especially alarming because all the rest of her disease is shrinking; the lung nodules are almost gone, and the primary tumor has shrunk by several cubic centimeters. She has a biopsy on Thursday. As it's in her shoulder, it'll require inpatient surgery.
3. I am doubting every decision I have made in the past several months aside from moving in with Casey.
Day 360- Fuck Everything
1. I'm depressed. No surprise, there. I'm bipolar. Again, no surprise. You know what, though? Sometimes, when I'm upset, or when I'm reacting to something, my depression and my bipolar disorder have nothing to do with it. And responding to me like a "normal" person wouldn't be upset is bullshit. I have a high tolerance for someone I love being an asshole. But treating me like I'm broken, and therefore wrong, crosses some line. Especially when said loved person is being a blatant fuckhead.
1.5. When I hate someone, it's usually short-lived. I usually don't have the energy to maintain that sort of animosity, and it fades off into "Stay away from me, and I'll be good." Somehow, despite every other energy suck in my life, I'm managing to not only maintain a high level of hatred, but increase it. I have never felt so violent towards someone before in my life.
2. Casey's last MRI showed a new spot in her left shoulder. This is especially alarming because all the rest of her disease is shrinking; the lung nodules are almost gone, and the primary tumor has shrunk by several cubic centimeters. She has a biopsy on Thursday. As it's in her shoulder, it'll require inpatient surgery.
3. I am doubting every decision I have made in the past several months aside from moving in with Casey.