modify_evolution
Day 351- Separate
I am, perhaps not surprisingly, incredibly depressed. I don't use the word depressed lightly, and I'm asking you to please not try to cheer me up; not now, and not next time you see me. It's not the "Oh I'm sad" depressed. It's the "I can't motivate myself to get out of bed or get dressed" depressed. And despite my not parading around announcing it before, I've been this depressed for weeks, if not months (I can't keep track of time, anymore). I'm not always sad. I can feel happy. But underneath it all is this newfound knowledge that I am completely worthless. That the only reason I'm still alive is to take care of Casey. And when she doesn't need me anymore, what am I? I'm nothing. I have no dreams; not really. I make things up to try to be normal. I went to college because I had nothing else to do. And if I go to grad school, it'll be for the same reason.
I probably need to be medicated. I'm not saying this lightly, either. I am terrified of medicating mental disorders. Good thing I have no health insurance. Problem solved.
It hurts more when people try to remind me of how I'm still human, because they don't know what they're talking about. I don't have goals. I don't have dreams. If Casey didn't have cancer, I wouldn't be off having adventures and living a completely different life. It'd be the same fucking thing, minus Casey. Not because I'm lazy, or scared, but because I don't care.
Day 351- Separate
I am, perhaps not surprisingly, incredibly depressed. I don't use the word depressed lightly, and I'm asking you to please not try to cheer me up; not now, and not next time you see me. It's not the "Oh I'm sad" depressed. It's the "I can't motivate myself to get out of bed or get dressed" depressed. And despite my not parading around announcing it before, I've been this depressed for weeks, if not months (I can't keep track of time, anymore). I'm not always sad. I can feel happy. But underneath it all is this newfound knowledge that I am completely worthless. That the only reason I'm still alive is to take care of Casey. And when she doesn't need me anymore, what am I? I'm nothing. I have no dreams; not really. I make things up to try to be normal. I went to college because I had nothing else to do. And if I go to grad school, it'll be for the same reason.
I probably need to be medicated. I'm not saying this lightly, either. I am terrified of medicating mental disorders. Good thing I have no health insurance. Problem solved.
It hurts more when people try to remind me of how I'm still human, because they don't know what they're talking about. I don't have goals. I don't have dreams. If Casey didn't have cancer, I wouldn't be off having adventures and living a completely different life. It'd be the same fucking thing, minus Casey. Not because I'm lazy, or scared, but because I don't care.