Happened By Chance

Dig up her bones but leave the soul alone

Let her find a way to a better place.

-Bones by MsMr

 

One of the books I took from Casey's room was a copy of The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. It was made into an animated movie that we watched a lot as kids. The book had another story by him in it, as well, called "A Fine and Private Place." I grabbed it at random to read. Turns out the story is about two people who have died, and met each other after death, sitting in their cemetery. It's very philosophical, and tries to deal with whatever it must be like to experience death, and what their thoughts and emotions are. Which was a terrible book to grab randomly. But there was a quote in it, where one of the characters says "They had it all backwards, you see, those old ghost stories about the dead haunting the living. It's not that way at all." And in the second story in the book, The Last Unicorn, in the end after the enchantment is lifted from the unicorn and the man she loved is left alone because she's a unicorn with no feelings, she comes back to see the other main characters. She says things to the others, but just stands at looks at the man without saying anything.

 

I guess this was all a long background for this: I believe in an afterlife. Not like, heaven or hell. But something. I don't want to haunt Casey. I don't want her to feel regret or sadness or anything negative because of me. I want her to have the experiences in death that she couldn't have in life.

 

I'm trying to say something here, and it's not coming out right. How fucking frustrating.

 

When I even think the words "I miss Casey" I start crying. I haven't said them out loud yet. I don't want to tie her spirit to me with my depression and loneliness and love. I want to give her the freedom and happiness in death that she never had in life. She battled with bulimia, and then she battled with cancer. I want her to have happiness and wholeness.

 

But I want her back.

Done