In recognition of something greater
Two types of people will look at this picture. Those who will see it and go 'meh' and move on, and those who wonder what the hell it's about. This is what it's all about.
I posted that about two months ago and have throughout that time stood fairly resolutely to my thoughts that I should really give up on this idea of photographing people, especially women. Some argued that if it pissed me off that much perhaps I shouldn't post on Flickr for the combined pervs of the internet to descend on, when in actual fact that doesn't bother me, a simple 'block' solves that as best you can.
What bugged me, and still does, is that to many, even on common occasion those who know me well (do they?) the very act of shooting women seems cause for ridicule or suspicion. And when those attitudes, those stinking, shitty attitudes are combined with the common occurances of exceptionally dodgy bastards making those of us who do try to tow the line look like wankers, it's just a bit much. This book project, to which I've devoted almost everything photographically, and in many senses emotionally too, which is going to be years in the making, seems like nothing but a way to give myself a headache, and I've had to ask, if it's not fun, is it worth it? If I'm not enjoying shooting these people and the grief I get afterwards, why bother?
The answer is this. Because taking photos like this is what I fucking do. Add that to the above, and it fucks me off, and I wish I could change, but without it, I'm hollow. There's a hatred and resentment that I have become reliant on something that gives me headaches, but it doesn't change the fact that from morning til night, I see and think things in photos. And short of a few things, nothing fires me more than people. People that fascinate me.
The lady in the picture is Toni. I met Toni, months and months and months ago through Brent after he photographed her for his State of the Nation project, (see here.) Toni, I quickly realised is something a bit special. She's got a deep seated desire to learn photography, and realistically only lacks two things, a camera, and the technical knowledge. What she has in spades, in fact waaaaay more than I have, by literally a factor of thousands is the vision and artistic scope to come up with ideas. She's obsessed by retro and style over the eras. She knows more about subtle nuances of any scene you've ever looked at than you can dream of. She should be an art director, but shit gets in the way. She is, I firmly believe, a bit of a genius.
And so what happens when you bang her head together with mine?
A realisation.
I can't sit on the sidelines and let something which is so integral to me go, when there are people like Toni around. People to tell me stories, to make stories with and to let me save their own stories. People who flat out, rock my world. Sitting chatting with her, an hour flashes past in two minutes. You've spoken about every too cool musician you can think of, their album covers, the books they wrote and the poems they inspired. You look up buzzing, swimming in some sea of inspiration and realise the time for the shoot passed three days ago.
So, I don't want to be part of this shit storm of tossers that make up 99% of model photographers, it makes my skin crawl and I want nothing to do with it.
I do realise, through gritted painful teeth that I can't ignore that, but that I need to do it anyway. I think...
And I do realise there are people out there, muses like Toni, who just make being alive and taking pictures worth it. I hold out my hand in recognition of something greater, and just hope to fuck it's worth it. Toni is.
Four shoots in eight days, and I'm still not sure. New work coming, more old work too.
(Strobist/flash info: Orbis ringlight fired via 580 EXII and Cybersyncs at 1/8th power. Ambient light available too...)
In recognition of something greater
Two types of people will look at this picture. Those who will see it and go 'meh' and move on, and those who wonder what the hell it's about. This is what it's all about.
I posted that about two months ago and have throughout that time stood fairly resolutely to my thoughts that I should really give up on this idea of photographing people, especially women. Some argued that if it pissed me off that much perhaps I shouldn't post on Flickr for the combined pervs of the internet to descend on, when in actual fact that doesn't bother me, a simple 'block' solves that as best you can.
What bugged me, and still does, is that to many, even on common occasion those who know me well (do they?) the very act of shooting women seems cause for ridicule or suspicion. And when those attitudes, those stinking, shitty attitudes are combined with the common occurances of exceptionally dodgy bastards making those of us who do try to tow the line look like wankers, it's just a bit much. This book project, to which I've devoted almost everything photographically, and in many senses emotionally too, which is going to be years in the making, seems like nothing but a way to give myself a headache, and I've had to ask, if it's not fun, is it worth it? If I'm not enjoying shooting these people and the grief I get afterwards, why bother?
The answer is this. Because taking photos like this is what I fucking do. Add that to the above, and it fucks me off, and I wish I could change, but without it, I'm hollow. There's a hatred and resentment that I have become reliant on something that gives me headaches, but it doesn't change the fact that from morning til night, I see and think things in photos. And short of a few things, nothing fires me more than people. People that fascinate me.
The lady in the picture is Toni. I met Toni, months and months and months ago through Brent after he photographed her for his State of the Nation project, (see here.) Toni, I quickly realised is something a bit special. She's got a deep seated desire to learn photography, and realistically only lacks two things, a camera, and the technical knowledge. What she has in spades, in fact waaaaay more than I have, by literally a factor of thousands is the vision and artistic scope to come up with ideas. She's obsessed by retro and style over the eras. She knows more about subtle nuances of any scene you've ever looked at than you can dream of. She should be an art director, but shit gets in the way. She is, I firmly believe, a bit of a genius.
And so what happens when you bang her head together with mine?
A realisation.
I can't sit on the sidelines and let something which is so integral to me go, when there are people like Toni around. People to tell me stories, to make stories with and to let me save their own stories. People who flat out, rock my world. Sitting chatting with her, an hour flashes past in two minutes. You've spoken about every too cool musician you can think of, their album covers, the books they wrote and the poems they inspired. You look up buzzing, swimming in some sea of inspiration and realise the time for the shoot passed three days ago.
So, I don't want to be part of this shit storm of tossers that make up 99% of model photographers, it makes my skin crawl and I want nothing to do with it.
I do realise, through gritted painful teeth that I can't ignore that, but that I need to do it anyway. I think...
And I do realise there are people out there, muses like Toni, who just make being alive and taking pictures worth it. I hold out my hand in recognition of something greater, and just hope to fuck it's worth it. Toni is.
Four shoots in eight days, and I'm still not sure. New work coming, more old work too.
(Strobist/flash info: Orbis ringlight fired via 580 EXII and Cybersyncs at 1/8th power. Ambient light available too...)