Malajusted1
Scales moor-winter
A cold winter afternoon... when i'd hoped that the late sun would colour the distant mountain ingleborough.
Despite a favourable forecast... things didn't pan out.
The sun when it appeared was fleeting, weak and watery.... you could say that it was a wasted venture.
However standing on Scales moor, a remote plateau, surrounded by big frozen mountains- Ingleborough, Gragareth and Whernside gives you a lesson in Scale (apt place name then). How tiny we are... insignificant even.
The last thing my Father said to me (and will ever say to me) was that i was an "insignificant piece of Sh#t".
He hoped that this was an insult, and he had wanted to hurt.... however all i heard was the truth..... and the truth is liberating.
My father wasn't loving, or caring, he wasn't a role model, nor was he my idol. A teacher would you believe, an educated man who used his intelligence to brutalise his children.
I endured his apathy towards me, his beatings and his belittlement. And when i got to an age where he could no longer throw me around, i was of no use to him and he retreated to his study and garden. He has never telephoned me, never said well done... that i make him proud.. or that he loves me. When i visited his home... he would be there.... in the garden or another room.
I'll add that this retreat wasn't shame for his parental failings, for he believes that his education means that he is utterly infallible and therefore has no need or capacity for self analysis or desire for atonement. He never bothered with his parents, friends or family, anyone that could have corrected him or set him an example to follow. Anyone in his life was short lived and only because they were of benefit to him in some way...... isn't that ugly?
So he was quite correct, i was insignificant, however he was a man that i never knew and insignificance is very much a two sided coin.
So we're both insignificant...
My insignificance however isn't confined to a pressure cooker of four walls or trimmed privets..... And as i stood utterly alone next to this huge erratic that has endured countless seasons and lifetimes the difference was that i was euphoric in my insignificance. Here there were no confines, or hate or anger or regret.
To add to my euphoria some rare Kelvin- helmholtz clouds formed over Ingleborough... the final piece for my composition.
Life is beautiful!!
Without sounding like a motivational speaker ....
Never forget the bad stuff in life, just don't dwell on it, instead use it to appreciate the good.... and this world will show you some incredible things.
Scales moor-winter
A cold winter afternoon... when i'd hoped that the late sun would colour the distant mountain ingleborough.
Despite a favourable forecast... things didn't pan out.
The sun when it appeared was fleeting, weak and watery.... you could say that it was a wasted venture.
However standing on Scales moor, a remote plateau, surrounded by big frozen mountains- Ingleborough, Gragareth and Whernside gives you a lesson in Scale (apt place name then). How tiny we are... insignificant even.
The last thing my Father said to me (and will ever say to me) was that i was an "insignificant piece of Sh#t".
He hoped that this was an insult, and he had wanted to hurt.... however all i heard was the truth..... and the truth is liberating.
My father wasn't loving, or caring, he wasn't a role model, nor was he my idol. A teacher would you believe, an educated man who used his intelligence to brutalise his children.
I endured his apathy towards me, his beatings and his belittlement. And when i got to an age where he could no longer throw me around, i was of no use to him and he retreated to his study and garden. He has never telephoned me, never said well done... that i make him proud.. or that he loves me. When i visited his home... he would be there.... in the garden or another room.
I'll add that this retreat wasn't shame for his parental failings, for he believes that his education means that he is utterly infallible and therefore has no need or capacity for self analysis or desire for atonement. He never bothered with his parents, friends or family, anyone that could have corrected him or set him an example to follow. Anyone in his life was short lived and only because they were of benefit to him in some way...... isn't that ugly?
So he was quite correct, i was insignificant, however he was a man that i never knew and insignificance is very much a two sided coin.
So we're both insignificant...
My insignificance however isn't confined to a pressure cooker of four walls or trimmed privets..... And as i stood utterly alone next to this huge erratic that has endured countless seasons and lifetimes the difference was that i was euphoric in my insignificance. Here there were no confines, or hate or anger or regret.
To add to my euphoria some rare Kelvin- helmholtz clouds formed over Ingleborough... the final piece for my composition.
Life is beautiful!!
Without sounding like a motivational speaker ....
Never forget the bad stuff in life, just don't dwell on it, instead use it to appreciate the good.... and this world will show you some incredible things.