dual reality

I have been having imaginary friends since i was a kid. Living in the countryside far away from the city, with few friends and over-protective parents, I began making friends up, so i wouldn't be alone even if I had to stay home and could not go out. I think it also had to do with the fact that there were many incoherences in my life, I was sent to private school but my father had not money left, he used to but he lost everything so it was a sacrifice for him to send the youngest daughter to private schooling.... so most of my friends had real money and i think growing up like this, somehow affected my self-perception. I used to invent lives which could never belong to me, friends who were so distant from what I really had (thank god for that too!). i kept doing it in adult life. I still do it now. it's like not being content with what i have (which is really ungrateful as people die and starve and are sick and complaining it's not good) and pretending i have something different. thing is, the two lives kind of step on one another and it becomes more and more difficult to really do something with my REAL life. If you read this a self pity thing, then go away, I am fascinated by this thing that i have and distinguishes me, I find it strange and difficult to deal with but I will, I am just sharing what I think maybe someone else might experience.

Done