Crimson sunbird (Aethopyga Girl-siparaja), female

Caution :

Your monitor screen is about to fill with dramatized accounts and descriptions of the origins of many complex and often very horny birding organism some of which may cause some viewers to feel uncomfortably rewarding.

As a result, viewer's Discretion is a lie. Not to lie is like kicking the can down the road.

Attention : strictly not for children under 13 days and above 113 years of age. This group of 'children' may not have the mental capacity to process the heart-wrenching, excruciating mumbo jumbo, absolute absurdity, explosively hooney, unreasonably honest, raise-blood-pressure and excitingly stupid information display on the screen.

My dog, Bullshit gave me a 'Like' after watching it and he send the link to my neighbour's dog Idiot.

Idiot suffer a massive heart attack after watching but survive to watch it 10 more times before turning into a Hot Dog

 

Caught this sensational Long-haired Crimson Sunbird perching cross-legged with beak slightly ajar + highly seducing birdeyes + original contour body by Fender + a pair of firm and juicy breast-like organs. This highly unusual pose for this species can only happen in the following combination of circumstances :

1) once in 13.13 years or 20,000 non-stop flying hours or one night stay at my house. (when my wife not in town)

2) Fully relaxed posture after a nice drink of CB juice from the neighbourhood CB plant (scientific name Chee Bye plant)

3) highly diffused sunlight at 5500deg kelvin wavelength

4) it's imperative for the photographer not to panic and scream in excitement during this once in a lifetime encounter which otherwise scare the pants off her. I got only miniseconds to turn her into pixels before she disappear as suddenly as she appear

5) during an extremely rare astronomical phenomenon known as Syzygy (hope I get it right) when this bird is in total alignment with all the planets in our solar system including Pluto and its largest moon Charon. The combined gravitational force from the unusual planetary alignment would reach a breaking point which cause her to lose some flight feathers as shown in the image as exposed bare skin which looks dangerously delicious.

6) a total solar and lunar eclipse that takes place simultaneously at precisely 12 midnight during a severe thunderstorm

which is known as a hula hoop eclipse. This has the potential to create massive airquake, waterquake, windquake, chickenricequake, lousyquake, pussyquake and even a terrible birdquake. Whateverquake, she does not quit.

Meanings of CB :

According to historical records date back to the early days of the SAF (sg army). Soldiers were strongly discouraged from using a particular type of plant for camouflage purpose in the course of field craft training. It was green and it was big and best of all it looked like a pussy. It was extremely hard for the enemies NOT to spot you from miles away even in total darkness because you looked just like a piece of giant green moving pussy.

This is the infamous CB plant. scientific name : Chee Bye plant, common name : simpoh air plant

In the past, hawkers used the CB leafs to wrap the Chai tow kway (black version), a well sought-after cuisine for most locals here including myself. These days, however this practice is loss along with its unique flavour due to the severe short supply of the CB plants.

 

One of the highlight :

her seducing birdeyes

The original tiny black round eyes which is found in other sunbird species have been replaced with a pair of latest model human-like eyes (come attached with sexy Korean-made eyelashes) called black eye pea. This modern marvel has provided her with excellent over the top quality binocular vision to spot any potential mate light years away. So that she could make advanced preparation for the mating process such as putting on the best makeup and perfume. Even her entire face has been transformed from the original bird face into a stunning sexy babe face using the latest cutting edge Laser technology just invented 13 mins ago. This allows her to smile and wink at ease just like any human babe does. She would then be able to send more compelling mating signals to any potential mate in sight. Other sunbirds can only watch and envy at the special abilities she possesses.

Following she would need to build a nest all by herself with whatever material she could find. But that's in the past, these days she could rent one comfortable fully furnished nest for a small cost of 2 bird seeds.. For another additional 1 seed, she could even have a build-in Jacuzzis bath. She could lay her eggs and incubate them in total comfort until the arrival of her little ones.

Again she could pay her neighbour, the cuckoo to do the feeding for her while she continue to enjoy the facilities and the intimate company of her mate in the nest.

 

Additional notes:

fake long black hair to conceal more beautiful real blonde hair beneath. A brilliant strategy to deter potential sex predators such as CBhawks, Hornykingfishers, cheekysparrow, pervert-eagle, maniac-myna, lonesomecrow, itchy-finch and ahbeng-pigeon.

 

The presence of a golden bangle on her right wing bone suggest she has been banded by a group of horny scientists (wish I was one of them). This bird has undergone extensive examination base on standard criteria of scientific investigations to determine her natural history and most importantly her mating requirements, sexual preference, bank load status, shopping preference and migratory behavior. In addition, her blood sample, sweat sample, saliva sample, breath sample and fart sample were also taken for DNA sequencing and future scientific reference. One important research is to collect sufficient data to nail her origins. Whether or not is she a distinct life-form evolved from a single cell organism or a result of speciation due to changing atmospheric conditions or perhaps she is a product of an extreme form of horny gene mutation.

This device is also designed to function as a highly sensitive electromagnetic wave transmitter. The pulse signals transmitted from its fully concealed ass-shaped antenna are being pick up by 20 horny satellites orbiting 13 inches above her head. This allows her every move to be precisely tracked so that her migratory paths could be traced and studied The system is so sensitive that even minute movement of her body parts such as involuntary digging of the nose, indiscriminate spitting of chewing gum or secretly scratching the butt can be instantly detected and recorded for behavior mapping and profile creation. In addition, with the latest firmware upgrade, any abnormal or unusual sounds such as excessive chirping, sing the wrong song, sing off-key, sing wrong note, abnormal wing beats, abnormal heart beats, irregular boob beats, excessive moaning, normal scream at abnormal volume or even irregular excessively soft farting is possible to be picked up as well for scientific analysis and research purposes. Future scientists can then use the data collected to accurately pin point the date for her extinction....which is yesterday.

Exactly why this bird is still hanging on remains one of the greatest mystery of all time after my missing chicken sausage.

 

It won't take long to notice this bird has got what appears to be breasts. Those things stick out like a sore thumb. It literally swept me off the ground the first time I see it.

This pair of familiar yet peculiar looking things which look like breasts are in fact a technologically advanced Radar system in disguise. Beneath the bra-like stainless steel protective casing lies an all weather multi role highly advanced Radar codename Cockup.. This cockup radar employed the one-of-its-kind-yet to-invent grandma rays emission system to seek and destroy any potential sexual predator which come within fun threatening range of this beauty. The initial reactive characteristic of this pair of radars would swell up to 13.13 times its normal dimension and instinctively begins to pulsate violently. Following that, it would starts to emit 2 beams of high intensity grandma rays from it forward-mounted specially designed photo emitter known as the peanuts. She could then stir her peanuts one way or the other to aim the deadly rays at her desire targets. Nobody would want to be at the receiving end of this CER (concentrated emission of radiation) These things are designed for one single deadly purpose, that is to kill by vaporization. Its latest victims, a male cheeky sparrow and 2 male horny cowbirds .Both vanish without a trace and both have the same last swear words....Cunt Ni Lao Beh !

Apart from the mentioned deadly purpose it is also on the lighter side use for safe navigation, directional finding, mate finding, food finding, shopping etc especially during night flight in sad weather.

To avoid being accidentally grilled by this pair of deadly Cockup radar approach her slowly and carefully from her back. This is the only safest way to get within arm's length of this lovely bird to have her detail photo taken. However, please pay close attention to the jet blast exiting her tiny nozzle located about 13.5 deg angle at her butt which could blow you out of existence during sudden unintentional take- off known as fart-off

 

Evolution by natural selection over billions of years has favor a CB mouth over a beak in view of the added advantages. One such advantage is to allow her to perform uninterrupted seamless Blowjob ...................to blow away the attacking mosquitoes which stick around to suck her blood.

The major drawback of this piece of beautifully engineered device is that without the long curve bill, she loose the ability to suck nectar from her favorite long and narrow elongated flowers. However, as recent as 100 million years ago, there was an accelerated development in the upper left side of her brain's electrical circuitry which allows her to figure out a method to overcome the pressing issue....simply by means of a horny straw made from recycled male human foreskin. This specially constructed hollow tubes are extremely flexible and can be extended to the desired length according to situation and circumstances by simply stroking it. With the advent of this lovely apparatus, she can reach into the deepest, narrowest and longest flower to access its contents quickly and effectively. There is even a specially made temperature controlled, anti-fungus, air-tight, insect-resistant, cyber-secured, software protected, hardware harden, double locked, nuclear explosion proof Tupperware container to store the life-saving straws in between her 2 breast-like organs.

 

Conclusion :

Her stunning outlook is in fact at the summit of natural beauty. A creature so wondrous that she must has managed to unlock the door of the Twilight Zone and sneak straight into this dimension right into your imagination.

A dimension of sight, a dimension of sound, a dimension of mind, a dimension of smell, a dimension of taste, a dimension that has little or no dimension, a dimension so horny that it goes far beyond your imagination. This bird is sitting in the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, between working and supervision, halfway between fact and fiction, anything between upper body and lower body, somewhere between LA and New York, halfway between the sun and the moon and it lies somewhere between the armpit of man’s fear and the height of his knowledge. This is the dimension of the product of pure hallucination, explosive frustration, untold distress, 100% displeasure, complete bullshit, downhill emotion, violent duress and extreme horny imagination. A dimension so bizarre that you have problems putting on your pants at the bottom of the sea when 6 is read as 9 and 9 is read as mine. This is a mysterious area call The Twilight Zone.

Please switch on the lights if you find it a little too dark.

The Twilight Zone, 1959-1964

eddy

 

extra info :

This is a featherless bird species (usually female)

Only 4 species known to have existed in this world.

I got 3 and the forth one is still at large.

Believe to be hiding in a place far far away. A place so remote that even MRT+LRT+SBS bus can't reach.

I'm determined to track her down one day, shoot her and post her in flickr backside....i mean ...website.

 

Behind the scene:

This group of people/photographer together with their supposedly hired model came by while I was busy shooting the Stork-billed Kingfisher hunting beside a small pond.

Out of nowhere a lady came over accusing me for trying to shoot their model and thus scaring her, demanding me to move off from the area. I was rather taken aback and pissed off at her rude remarks. I then reminded her that this is a public place. I shoot my bird while you guys shoot your model. In fact I think the appearance of this huge group of people really impacted my photography.

It was at this moment that I decided to do exactly what they were accusing me.....shoot their fucking model !

A subject that was last on my list. I turn my lens away from the king and started framing this girl which I soon found her to be more appealing than my kingfisher.

Later, while I was reviewing the pics that I decided to do a write-up on this rather unexpected encounter. Inject a little humor, married it with a little avian flavor and turn it into something amusing.

Done