I AM QUITTING FLICKR TODAY

 

 

 

What did Vikings do before Harley Davidson motorcycles were invented?

 

I've always liked Vikings.

 

Well... I'm not sure I ever knew one...

 

But I was a kid in the seventies when vans were very popular... havin' a conversion van then was like some status symbol indicating your complete coolness or something.

 

Fred had a van on Scooby Doobie Doo and I think that's why he scored with Daphne.

 

But he wore ascots... and I could never figure that out.

 

Usually guys who wear ascots don't score with hot chicks if you know what I mean.

 

Unless they're British.

 

British guys could get away with that kinda stuff because of their accents.

 

I always looked up to guys who drove vans.

 

Guys who wear ascots?

 

Not so much.

 

I don't know... I was only like ten years old... but I remember it seemed like a lot of vans had really cool Viking scenes painted on them.

 

I especially liked the ones painted with the really well toned super-endowed Viking woman... usually in a fur bikini with matching fur boots... on top of some gnarly and rugged mountain... swinging a big double handed sword and cutting off a dragons head or something.

 

I don't know about you but I've always been a big fan of the 'hot chick slays the beast' genre of art.

 

It's not for everyone.

 

That's also when I learned to appreciate fine airbrush art.

 

And Viking women.

 

In fur bikinis.

 

Swinging big swords.

 

Airbrush art and fine looking Viking women are like peanut butter and chocolate I think... they just 'go together.'

 

Throw in a 'blank' van and you're talking the ultimate-cool 'trifecta' baby!

 

I wonder how people went about getting those murals painted on their van?

 

'Yesh... I really like this van... but it's kinda plain... I'm the kinda guy who'd like an airbrushed nordic goddess painted on the side... it speaks of my unique personality and character attributes... can you set me up... I mean if you do... I'll buy the van... but she's gotta be wearing a fur bikini and fur boots... deal?'

 

Or... 'eh Louie... I'm thinkin' about buyin' one a dem conVERsion vans... you know anybuddy who maybe knows anybuddy who get me all set up with one a dem Viking chick fantasy murals?'

 

'Dere's dis guy named Sven dey say he's a like Michael Angelo with de airbrush... down dere in Blue Island... he does really good fur boots an stuff... I getcha his numbah.'

 

I did a flickrsearch for 'fur bikini' to come up with a good picture for this story.

 

I prolly shouldn't have done that.

 

Although the one with Latitia Casta's face pasted on to some other chicks body was kind of interesting... it was a decent photoshop job... but I could tell right away that those weren't Latitia's breasts because I studied them in college at the masters level.

 

What I saw was really disturbing and I'm going to have a hard time going to sleep now.

 

If you like disturbing stuff check out this image... you'll totally regret it so don't get all p!ssed off at me because I warned you... but you know you wanna look... so here... click on this link... www.flickr.com/photos/furslave/2487451390/

 

Now go clear your browser's history before you forget.

 

You can thank Viewminder for reminding you later.

 

Nothing ruins a weekend like your girl/guy/lifepartner saying...

 

'So WHO were YOU looking to buy a FUR BIKINI for huh?'

 

If you have good instincts you'd duck after ever hearing a statement like that.

 

I know I'd just run... in a tight zig zag pattern. Fast. Far. And Away. Fast and far away.

 

DON'T EVEN try to explain... you'll only dig your hole deeper... it's better to present a moving target anyway.

 

Gahd help you if you get cornered in the car on the expressway with this one... just aim for the closest bridge abuttment and get it over with quick.

 

If there's one thing Viewminder knows it's CRAZY LOVE gone bad. Trust me.

 

Nobody could possibly be ready to lie their way out of that one... and let's face it... the truth isn't too believable either.

 

You'd be an idiot if you tried the old 'so WHAT were you doing looking at MY browser history... you don't TRUST me' routine on that one. You ain't turning this one around this time. No way.

 

The time-tested 'turn the tables' trick with the look of sincere hurt on your face might work when you been caught looking at your garden variety internet porn... but not dudes in fur bikinis.

 

Don't matter if you're innocent... you gotta think damage control at this point.

 

And damage control means DON'T bring me into it... nunna that 'baby I was just lookin' at Viewminder's stream again... he always links to this crazy sh!t.'

 

I get enough Chicago-Love without your help thank you.

 

Best bet... find a payphone... cuz your cell phone was probably the first thing thrown at you... and just call and do like Hollywood movie stars do... 'baby... I know I need help... I'm going to check into a residential intensive program... I appreciate you standin' by me until WE get through this.'

 

Charlie Sheen has that printed on the back of his business cards I heard.

 

You gotta use the 'WE' word. It's like subliminal. Either they'll be happy that there's still a 'WE' or they won't and you'll know it right away.

 

It's good to know where you stand in crisis mode.

 

Might buy you enough time to get your stuff back when your new ex leaves if they don't change the locks right away.

 

Better getcher stuff quick too... before you get the restraining order.

 

That's the best I got.

 

Strategically you're in a really good position... when the ex goes out and tells all their friends and family the story... it's so outrageous it kinda sounds like a lie.

 

So when all that stuff you're really guilty of comes out no one'll believe that either.

 

There's really a bright side to everything if you look at it right.

 

Mr. Fur Bikini couldda made you a contact... friends and family too!

 

Of course if you'd get a 'c'mere you... I noticed you were looking at fur bikinis for me'... I'd say you're in for a wild weekend and I would hope you'd at least send Viewminder a private flickr mail describing the craziness of said weekend.

 

You'd owe me that much.

 

Maybe even a 'guest pass' to check out the pictures.

 

I promise to change your name before I tell everyone.

 

If that doesn't shock you... cus you're the kind a person it takes a lot to shock... try looking at that image while listening to this song... it's the one from Disney World... 'It's a small world after all'... www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIabgPX14R4

 

I suggest opening two different windows AND locking your door.

 

Somebody walks into your world while you've got that image on your screen and that song playing...

 

If you're a minor... stay away from the first link but play the second link over and over in your room really loud.

 

Pretty soon your mom will be taking you once a week to see the nice lady who asks lots of questions but seems completely non-judgemental.

 

You can find a lot of ways to have fun with that.

 

And Mr. Fur Bikini lover... if you track back all those hits to my stream here... I'm not judgin'... I say to each their own... live and let live... I mean... I've already admitted I got a thing for airbrushed fantasy scenes of well endowed Viking women swingin' swords... everybody's got their thing... we all fuhreeky deeky!

 

You have fun with that... I mean... it doesn't look like anyone's getting hurt... next time maybe try to be a little environmentally conscious and use 'simulated' fur maybe... I'm just sayin'.

 

Chicago-Love!

 

I've never been big on vans... but they seemed like a really great place to paint an airbrush masterpiece to show off to the world your enthusiasm for nordic goddess warrior chick types.

 

I guess that's where my fascination with Vikings started.

 

This guy reminds me of a Viking.

 

I didn't have a chance to ask him... but I bet he digs vans with cool airbrush art and women in fur bikinis and boots weilding broadswords.

 

I'm psychic like that.

 

Now if I could have only foreseen the results of my image search for 'fur bikini'...

 

Oh and about that quitting flickr thing... April Fools.

 

Don't be hatin' me and pass this on to all your 'frenemies.'

 

I gotta feelin' this'll be my latest picture to be kicked off of 'explore.'

 

Faces on the street

Chicago 3.26.11

35mm 1.8 I can't even remember what I did to this one.

Done