ascension
365 | 365
"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.” - Winston Churchill
listen: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObGYFInWrU0 (yep, huge fan of both Gladiator and Lisa Gerrard)
[In March of 2012, I decided to begin a 365 days of photos project, the idea being that I would take (and post on the Internet) a photo a day. I spent two weeks prior pondering whether or not I wanted to take up such a monumental commitment. Considering the fact that I work full time and often overtime and tend to be inundated with tasks and self-imposed chores, when I decided to take it on, it felt huge. But not so huge as it now feels. One year and seven months later, I can reflect on what has transpired.
When I began this project, I didn't know how to manually attend to my camera. I felt terrified by all the settings, and I certainly wasn't about to use manual focus. I also decided, arbitrarily, that I would not photograph anyone's face—a rule that left me ramming my head against a wall by day 100. I'd been photographing inanimate objects, nature, animals, and other such similar things. At first it was thrilling, but eventually I knew that I was no longer growing as an artist, which was precisely why I wanted to do this project in the first place. Then, at the peak of my despair, I found Flickr, and with it, some of my biggest inspirations. Alex Stoddard, Kirsty Mitchell, and Lissy Elle, to name a few. I hungrily pored over their photo streams, particularly blown away by Kirsty's work, which resonated deeply with me. I couldn't get enough—I soon began to stumble upon stream after stream of brilliant photos, many of whom focused primarily on self-portraiture. Which is when I made the shift in my project. Which is also, not so incidentally, when my work began to grow... I could see improvements, and though I didn't always know what I was doing, I felt encouraged, and a renewed sense of why I'd started this whole mess in the first place welled up within me. I began taking self-portraits and portraits of others. Once I realized I could create an entire story with one image, the ideas poured into my head like wildfire. There wasn't enough time in the day, and there still isn't.
A brief history on me as an artist: I was practically born with a pencil in my hand. I began drawing at the age of three, and by my early teen years, hearing the line “I bet you're going to work for Disney!” wasn't uncommon. Then I was struck with crippling depression, which has plagued me since the age of 12, rather relentlessly. At which point, I drew less and less...and less. Until I wasn't drawing anymore. Personal life often sapped what little energy I might have had to create, and though I always had the flame of creative desire within me, it seemed enough to just peel myself out of bed each day and shove off to work. For nine long years, I went without creating. Until one day, about two years ago, when I saw a used Nikon D40 for sale by a coworker. I recalled enjoying photography in high school, and I decided to buy it. Which began the snowball effect that is still in play.
More life-changing events have occurred during this project than perhaps any other time in my life. I met a family of friends through Flickr—people all over the globe who are loving, empathic, and creative beyond measure. And darker times happened for me as well; my mother unexpectedly passed away in May of this year, and a month later, a long-term relationship I'd been invested in dissipated. I felt completely shattered by the latter events, but if nothing else, I had my photography. I had that need to create. I don't even want to think of the state I might be in without this project.
In many, many ways, this project saved me. It renewed my passion for life, and I now have a channel with which to share the minute details and beauty I notice on a daily basis. Through my lens I can not only capture those moments, but I can also share them with whomever I choose. The power behind sharing still boggles my mind, and while I've shared many, many mistakes and failures, which really keeps a person humble (oh *man* is that ever true), I've also been able to show that you can start from something so small and grow into something so much more, if you want to.
The image I feel speaks for itself—a symbolic and honestly quite literal depiction of my journey. I found myself during this project. I have never been so in touch with myself, and so in tune with nature and my own spirit. I really have been reborn, and I'm ready to continue this journey and see where it leads me. I have vowed to myself that I will never stop creating again. I will create for the rest of my days.
I have SO many people to thank (please know that I love you and appreciate you all, fer super cereal), so many who have helped me along the way, but I'd like to call out just a few names of those who particularly helped me through: Scott Willson, who helped me on *countless* shoots/adventures. Who never complained and always indulged my anal-retentive tendencies. Austin Tott, whom I met through Flickr and who also happens to live right down the street from me! He and I have had so many crazy adventures, and I always laugh my face right off when I'm with him. Thank you, Austin, for being insane with me and doing things hardly any other human would do for a photo. Thank you Morgan, Matt C., Alanna, Nya, Cassie, Paul, Erika, Amanda, Zuzana, Peter (I could list names forever!). A *huge* thank you to my audience, who not only pushed me to carry on and applied pressure (but never too much!) which spurned me to continue creating, but also bestowed upon me more warm, encouraging, and loving words in one compressed year than I think I've heard in my entire life. I can't begin to express how much you all have helped me. Thank you to my mother, for being so incredibly difficult that she actually drove me to be a stronger, wiser, and overall better person. Not only that, but any creativity I can claim I owe entirely to her—she was brilliant, and I hope I can go on to do things that would've made her proud. Thank you to my father for being there when I needed him the most, and for teaching me empathy. And finally, thank you to my little brother, Conner, for being the sweetest and most sincere human I know. It really helps make life worth living to have a younger sibling, I swear. All of the above paragraph influenced my images, I must clarify.
PHEW. Now if you still happen to be reading, I'll thank *you* for managing to stomach all this garble. Below you'll find my image from day 1. A ladybug. Now I think I'm going to go curl up with Ziggy and watch more Lord of the Rings. Because, my *goodness*, do I have a headache! Oh, and yep, all the fire is real. You know how I love me some fire.]
ascension
365 | 365
"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.” - Winston Churchill
listen: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObGYFInWrU0 (yep, huge fan of both Gladiator and Lisa Gerrard)
[In March of 2012, I decided to begin a 365 days of photos project, the idea being that I would take (and post on the Internet) a photo a day. I spent two weeks prior pondering whether or not I wanted to take up such a monumental commitment. Considering the fact that I work full time and often overtime and tend to be inundated with tasks and self-imposed chores, when I decided to take it on, it felt huge. But not so huge as it now feels. One year and seven months later, I can reflect on what has transpired.
When I began this project, I didn't know how to manually attend to my camera. I felt terrified by all the settings, and I certainly wasn't about to use manual focus. I also decided, arbitrarily, that I would not photograph anyone's face—a rule that left me ramming my head against a wall by day 100. I'd been photographing inanimate objects, nature, animals, and other such similar things. At first it was thrilling, but eventually I knew that I was no longer growing as an artist, which was precisely why I wanted to do this project in the first place. Then, at the peak of my despair, I found Flickr, and with it, some of my biggest inspirations. Alex Stoddard, Kirsty Mitchell, and Lissy Elle, to name a few. I hungrily pored over their photo streams, particularly blown away by Kirsty's work, which resonated deeply with me. I couldn't get enough—I soon began to stumble upon stream after stream of brilliant photos, many of whom focused primarily on self-portraiture. Which is when I made the shift in my project. Which is also, not so incidentally, when my work began to grow... I could see improvements, and though I didn't always know what I was doing, I felt encouraged, and a renewed sense of why I'd started this whole mess in the first place welled up within me. I began taking self-portraits and portraits of others. Once I realized I could create an entire story with one image, the ideas poured into my head like wildfire. There wasn't enough time in the day, and there still isn't.
A brief history on me as an artist: I was practically born with a pencil in my hand. I began drawing at the age of three, and by my early teen years, hearing the line “I bet you're going to work for Disney!” wasn't uncommon. Then I was struck with crippling depression, which has plagued me since the age of 12, rather relentlessly. At which point, I drew less and less...and less. Until I wasn't drawing anymore. Personal life often sapped what little energy I might have had to create, and though I always had the flame of creative desire within me, it seemed enough to just peel myself out of bed each day and shove off to work. For nine long years, I went without creating. Until one day, about two years ago, when I saw a used Nikon D40 for sale by a coworker. I recalled enjoying photography in high school, and I decided to buy it. Which began the snowball effect that is still in play.
More life-changing events have occurred during this project than perhaps any other time in my life. I met a family of friends through Flickr—people all over the globe who are loving, empathic, and creative beyond measure. And darker times happened for me as well; my mother unexpectedly passed away in May of this year, and a month later, a long-term relationship I'd been invested in dissipated. I felt completely shattered by the latter events, but if nothing else, I had my photography. I had that need to create. I don't even want to think of the state I might be in without this project.
In many, many ways, this project saved me. It renewed my passion for life, and I now have a channel with which to share the minute details and beauty I notice on a daily basis. Through my lens I can not only capture those moments, but I can also share them with whomever I choose. The power behind sharing still boggles my mind, and while I've shared many, many mistakes and failures, which really keeps a person humble (oh *man* is that ever true), I've also been able to show that you can start from something so small and grow into something so much more, if you want to.
The image I feel speaks for itself—a symbolic and honestly quite literal depiction of my journey. I found myself during this project. I have never been so in touch with myself, and so in tune with nature and my own spirit. I really have been reborn, and I'm ready to continue this journey and see where it leads me. I have vowed to myself that I will never stop creating again. I will create for the rest of my days.
I have SO many people to thank (please know that I love you and appreciate you all, fer super cereal), so many who have helped me along the way, but I'd like to call out just a few names of those who particularly helped me through: Scott Willson, who helped me on *countless* shoots/adventures. Who never complained and always indulged my anal-retentive tendencies. Austin Tott, whom I met through Flickr and who also happens to live right down the street from me! He and I have had so many crazy adventures, and I always laugh my face right off when I'm with him. Thank you, Austin, for being insane with me and doing things hardly any other human would do for a photo. Thank you Morgan, Matt C., Alanna, Nya, Cassie, Paul, Erika, Amanda, Zuzana, Peter (I could list names forever!). A *huge* thank you to my audience, who not only pushed me to carry on and applied pressure (but never too much!) which spurned me to continue creating, but also bestowed upon me more warm, encouraging, and loving words in one compressed year than I think I've heard in my entire life. I can't begin to express how much you all have helped me. Thank you to my mother, for being so incredibly difficult that she actually drove me to be a stronger, wiser, and overall better person. Not only that, but any creativity I can claim I owe entirely to her—she was brilliant, and I hope I can go on to do things that would've made her proud. Thank you to my father for being there when I needed him the most, and for teaching me empathy. And finally, thank you to my little brother, Conner, for being the sweetest and most sincere human I know. It really helps make life worth living to have a younger sibling, I swear. All of the above paragraph influenced my images, I must clarify.
PHEW. Now if you still happen to be reading, I'll thank *you* for managing to stomach all this garble. Below you'll find my image from day 1. A ladybug. Now I think I'm going to go curl up with Ziggy and watch more Lord of the Rings. Because, my *goodness*, do I have a headache! Oh, and yep, all the fire is real. You know how I love me some fire.]