"Get a grip", she says, "It's going to be a long ride."

 

Were it years ago, this would be something different.

 

I would have taken somewhere between 40-80 outtakes (instead of 5) and then changed my mind about the socks, changed them, taken another 40 shots before eventually reverting back to one of my initial shots. I would have photoshopped for 2 hours and hated my outcome. Started over numerous times and yet still, dislike a great many things about the outcome.

 

But I'm a new person now.

 

Time isn't money, it's just precious.

 

I'm a mom. There's too many things to be done in the day, and unfortunately they don't involve making myself look a certain way through a silly hobby like self portraiture.

 

That said- I'm okay with this. I'm okay with the fact I find so many things wrong with this- things I'd love to just say "hell with it" and start over.

 

But, like I said, time is precious.

 

I've been going through a 'funk' lately. I never had post-partum. I never had any regrets, or difficulties, everything just flowed. But now, a year later, unemployed, stay-at-home-mommy with a body I always joked about before I got it.... I'm just...irritated with myself...physically and emotionally.

I wonder if my disappearance from photography was part of it.

Maybe I need this self expression. It gives me a small part of my life that isn't about laundry, or diapers, or dinners.

 

I don't know exactly. But It feels oh so very good to be back.....so I'll just leave it at that.

Done