[75/100x]A REALLY BAD DAY! Explore 10.28.2021

In photo: Juan Driving.

Location: Weymouth Road - Where Accident happened. New Jersey, USA

 

Monday was a horrible day for us. I had already been very worried about my friend & been to her home, but there was no answer. (I'm so glad that I didn't open that door) Juan dropped me off at work. Everyone was very worried about Steph at work (she was our co-worker and friend, OUR FAMILY). We had discussed doing a wellness check.

So 520PM Juan was on his way to pick me up from work driving 50MPH around the curves on Weymouth Road (very curvy and busy-(especially at 5PM) woodsy road). His axel snapped and the tire came off. But someone up there was really looking out for him.

They say, that if the conditions had been altered in any way.. if it had broken at any other moment.. he'd not be alive today.

He called me at work, while I was actually talking about Steph. He told me what happened, all I could think (and I had not yet seen the car or the location of the accident) all I could think is thank GOD he's alive & FINE! Who cares about the car.. we can fix it or buy a new one. But not Juan. He's okay, it's okay.

So after a long night of finding rides (thank you to his sister and brother in law), calling AAA & getting the car towed to the shop, etc. Around 8 PM we were finally home.

A close friend of Steph and I, and my other coworkers.. (she used to work with us) reached out to me. She told me she called the police at 7:30pm and they called her back at 7:50pm to tell her that they'd be going over to check on Steph soon. I waited up until at little affter 9, but after such a long stressful night (and past couple of days, because of the worry for Steph) I was exhausted. I told someone to message me if they heard anything, but I didn't hear my phone. I fell fast asleep.

Tuesday morning I woke up at 5am and my phone had blown up. "She's gone." seemed to be the main message. & "I'm sorry Jess, are you okay?"

I'm so grateful I didn't open that door. She'd been on the other side. I am having such a hard time handling this, I know in my heart I wouldn't have been able to handle that.

She was battling mental health for some time.. And she had 2+ years clean from substances. But she was hurting.. Even through her jokes, laughs and smiles.. she was hurting deeply. She was such a kind and beautiful soul.

Steph would have given you the shirt off her back, even if it was all that she had. We were so close.. and I was so grateful each & every day that I got to work with her, talk to her, be her close friend... She was amazing in every single way. But no matter what she did, she couldn't escape the pain.. these demons that followed her around and ate at her every single day.

Her pain was too great. And she couldn't deal anymore. It go too bad for her.

I'm trying to deal, and remind myself (I think we all are) that nothing we could have done or said would have fixed her. She was hurting so deep, we would have just been delaying the inevitable and she had made up her mind. But it's very hard to tell yourself this.. Especially when you were one of the last people to talk to her.. and you knew her pain in your heart. She had told me so much, and I felt it - in her.

I can say now, I am grateful that she is no longer hurting.

 

*My last photo/post was about her, as many of you know. I'm sorry to say, that she didn't make it. But I appreciate all of your love, support and prayers.. and she does too!

 

Her family is having a hard time with this unexpected expense, so I donated what I could to her fund.. And if you guys could share this on your facebook, *if you can* I'd be extremely appreciative. It would mean the world to me, to just share it.. *the link below* to help her family.

www.facebook.com/100022414636930/posts/1045882416168903/?...

________________

 

 

The last couple of converstations that Steph and I had, I just cannot get them out of my mind. She was saying goodbye.. and it breaks my heart. I knew it was bad, (all of the people closest to her did), and we all tried our hardest... but it makes you wonder.. Could we have tried harder? It's something that is going to haunt me for a long time.

 

◻️And I'm over here waiting for them to say it was a mistake & she's gonna come running thru the door at work.. smiling & thanking us all for caring so much but letting us know it was a misunderstanding and that she's okay.

But that will never happen.

**Something like this happened before, but she was okay. We found her. So I thought this was like last time, but it wasn't.**

 

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS IS SO IMPORTANT!

& It goes hand in hand with addiction and recovery, many times.

 

If you have a friend or loved one struggling with either one... or both. CHECK ON THEM! Even if they say they're okay and appear to be living their best life. (Like she was). Because you never know. Mental health has a VERY fine line.. and all of that can change in a matter of minutes.

 

"

Check in on your friends guys. Clean time doesn't make pain go away. Achievements don't silence self hate. Even the strong are weak at times. Don't forget that."-Tre Ogilvie *great friend of Steph's*

____

#MentalHealthAwareness

#Recovery

#GriefandLoss

#RIPSTEPH

 

PS: I will be writing more later, a tribute to Steph..

But I need some time to process this all.. and figure out exactly what I need to say.

 

I just found this photo that I took and posted of Steph a while back on Flickr.

Pic of Steph**CLICK**

Done