f.b.i. & halloween

(words and pic courtesy of dan brown, chicago)

 

 

I got a nice little visit from someone today.

 

I hear a knocking at the door at about 3:00 pm today.

I wasn't expecting any visitors today. Hmmm, odd. I

open the door. There are four men standing on the

kitchen porch of my apartment.

 

Man with clipboard:"Hi. We're from Chicago building

inspection. Did you recently have an intercom

installed here?"

Me: "yes."

Man with clipboard:"By this man?" Guy with a baseball

hat looks at me.

Me: "I don't know. I didn't see them when they put it

in."

Big fat well dressed man: "May we come in?"

Me: "Sure."

 

In they all come and they look at the new intercom for

a second. Then sort of shuffle and mumble. The fat guy

looks at my microwave and says "What is that?"

They all stare at the object.

This is the object.

 

 

[link to pic above]

 

 

 

Pretty fake looking, eh?

This is what's left of my Halloween costume from last

year. I have stuff like this all over my apartment. I

craft, ok? It's halloween time after all. If they had

looked in my fridge they would have found a severed

arm. There is a severed head in the freezer. But I

digress.

 

"Ok, we're not really building inspectors." Out come

the guns.

 

Great. And what am I wearing? Unshowered and sporting

my grey zip-up hoodie - Unabomber style.

 

Naturally I ask for ID. This is the first thing that

pops into my head. Not "It's not a bomb", not "What's

going on here" but "Do you have ID." I see badges. Ok.

This is for real.

 

Long story short they explain that they are the FBI

Joint Terrorism Task Force and tell me that they guy

who reported me was Baseball hat guy! This is the same

guy who, incidentally, stole my ladder! This

idiot was left alone in my kitchen for five

hours - at any time he could have examined this toy and

seen that it was nothing, but no - HE calls the FB

fricking I.

 

They start asking questions; who I am, how long I

lived here, where I work. I explain it's simply a

costume, I never wore it out in public, only a gag

made of broom handles and dvd boxes. They start taking

pictures, all very friendly now. I'm still farking

FREAKED OUT but we're laughing and I'm showing them

the blinking light on it and explaining that they can

actually TAKE the stupid thing if they want to. I tell

them to please explain to my new landlord that I am

NOT in fact a terrorist and that I really want to

cooperate because I don't want anymore "surprise"

visits and is there anything I can do to follow up.

That sort of thing.

 

I put the "bomb" in a paper pag and they went on their

merry way.

 

Whew.

 

So how's your day going?

Done