hellophotokitty
a delicate memory
This photo was taken on October 23rd, 2005, on the last day of my first trip to New York city. A huge leap of faith, one of the largest I had ever taken. It was indeed a trip that was to forever change my life. And with each subsequent trip there, more opportunities to travel - 2006 to Seattle, 2007 to Detroit, and many more trips to the city that never sleeps. And on each journey I met fellow photographers who would touch my soul and heart in such a profound way, life and self discovery expanded at exponential speed. I was no longer afraid of who I was, what my art had to say, what i wanted to be, where i wanted to go. That period was not without tears, pain, loving and letting go, but within that vulnerability I drew strength and courage. I felt alive. It all felt right.
It's odd, how our perceptions of the world around us, as well as the perceptions we have of ourselves change over time.
This image once symbolized unapologetic vulnerability and delicate fearlessness, but looking at it again, 4 years later, I see melancholy, reservation and fearful naiveté. It is me, has always been me, but what is different? When I look in the mirror, I don't see this same woman. Something in the eyes has shifted, been displaced, lost in the shuffle of daily struggles. Life in New York, Seattle, Detroit has moved on, but i feel as if I am frozen in time, my life, hyphenated, struggling to find balance again, to be inspired, to find my way back to my passion, purpose, simple things that once made me very happy.
My camera has now become a utilitarian machine, serving no other purpose than to document the world around me. I ask myself every day - will i ever find that inspiration again? That passion to create, the courage to be fearless?
Mom goes in for her next scan at the end of the month, and then a subsequent meeting with her oncologist on the 4th of December. There are two ways this could turn out - the cancer can come back, or she can be free of cancer. Two ways our Christmas could turn out - a white happy Christmas, or a grey sad one. We pray for the best, hope for recovery but prepare for the worst.
Perhaps that is what is happening now with my photography - I'm praying for inspiration, hoping for discovery but preparing for creative closure.
Perhaps these wounds I have collected over these past 4 years need time to heal, but it also makes me realize the necessity of finding a way back to a medium that once helped me process the world around me, and that this might be the only way to make sense of the world again. But there is fear. Fear of what i will see in the next self portrait; but is a leap of faith I must take one more time.
a delicate memory
This photo was taken on October 23rd, 2005, on the last day of my first trip to New York city. A huge leap of faith, one of the largest I had ever taken. It was indeed a trip that was to forever change my life. And with each subsequent trip there, more opportunities to travel - 2006 to Seattle, 2007 to Detroit, and many more trips to the city that never sleeps. And on each journey I met fellow photographers who would touch my soul and heart in such a profound way, life and self discovery expanded at exponential speed. I was no longer afraid of who I was, what my art had to say, what i wanted to be, where i wanted to go. That period was not without tears, pain, loving and letting go, but within that vulnerability I drew strength and courage. I felt alive. It all felt right.
It's odd, how our perceptions of the world around us, as well as the perceptions we have of ourselves change over time.
This image once symbolized unapologetic vulnerability and delicate fearlessness, but looking at it again, 4 years later, I see melancholy, reservation and fearful naiveté. It is me, has always been me, but what is different? When I look in the mirror, I don't see this same woman. Something in the eyes has shifted, been displaced, lost in the shuffle of daily struggles. Life in New York, Seattle, Detroit has moved on, but i feel as if I am frozen in time, my life, hyphenated, struggling to find balance again, to be inspired, to find my way back to my passion, purpose, simple things that once made me very happy.
My camera has now become a utilitarian machine, serving no other purpose than to document the world around me. I ask myself every day - will i ever find that inspiration again? That passion to create, the courage to be fearless?
Mom goes in for her next scan at the end of the month, and then a subsequent meeting with her oncologist on the 4th of December. There are two ways this could turn out - the cancer can come back, or she can be free of cancer. Two ways our Christmas could turn out - a white happy Christmas, or a grey sad one. We pray for the best, hope for recovery but prepare for the worst.
Perhaps that is what is happening now with my photography - I'm praying for inspiration, hoping for discovery but preparing for creative closure.
Perhaps these wounds I have collected over these past 4 years need time to heal, but it also makes me realize the necessity of finding a way back to a medium that once helped me process the world around me, and that this might be the only way to make sense of the world again. But there is fear. Fear of what i will see in the next self portrait; but is a leap of faith I must take one more time.