Chasing Light
GO FIGURE IN THE LANDSCAPE
I have drowned twice, seen something of what is to come for me, then felt the searing breath of that return from no air, heart or pulse, and lived on, no wiser than before - I have been close to goodbye with asthma that attacks and leaves you with minutes on the clock. And your life is not in your hands as you wait for someone to bring relief, which burns and shocks the last of your breath away.
And you know, you are not your body, you have felt it let you go, peace, relief, it is over, you have left it, dead - watched yourself die, and lived away for one, two, three, four … minutes tick, you are gone, but not gone.
And I see darkness in this world, but we are light.
I have had my faith in many things deconstructed by the hands of abuse that found their way onto me, and I run from those who claim they love me. Run from the hands that were laid on me. A child, alone in its wake, scared, vulnerable, shamed, shocked, dirty, worthless. Beyond tears, emotionally frozen, and half awake. In time you learn to be a victim and there are plenty who will help you realize that notion.
Yet there is love.
I have counseled others in a crisis, in distress, counseled the abused, talked people down from their intent and helped others find their courage to do the things they had to do, for themselves, for their children or to escape a situation of violence or depression. Seen men come back from war, their souls torn, and those who simply loved the art of death, but not their own.
I know so little.
Would I change any of it, I think not, it is neither good nor bad. It is the hand that was dealt. Life for many, is way, way worse, and for others, far ,far better. I can’t stop and think and judge every thought or deed, I act, react and look to master my intent. What is in me, love, care, empathy, fear, hurt, forgiveness and joy, my true nature is peace.
Am I still that child, that little boy. Would I still chase you away.
From ""The Book That Dreams"
© G P F for All images and text, please do not use without my express permission.
PS - Am still writing The Book ... :)
Chasing Light
GO FIGURE IN THE LANDSCAPE
I have drowned twice, seen something of what is to come for me, then felt the searing breath of that return from no air, heart or pulse, and lived on, no wiser than before - I have been close to goodbye with asthma that attacks and leaves you with minutes on the clock. And your life is not in your hands as you wait for someone to bring relief, which burns and shocks the last of your breath away.
And you know, you are not your body, you have felt it let you go, peace, relief, it is over, you have left it, dead - watched yourself die, and lived away for one, two, three, four … minutes tick, you are gone, but not gone.
And I see darkness in this world, but we are light.
I have had my faith in many things deconstructed by the hands of abuse that found their way onto me, and I run from those who claim they love me. Run from the hands that were laid on me. A child, alone in its wake, scared, vulnerable, shamed, shocked, dirty, worthless. Beyond tears, emotionally frozen, and half awake. In time you learn to be a victim and there are plenty who will help you realize that notion.
Yet there is love.
I have counseled others in a crisis, in distress, counseled the abused, talked people down from their intent and helped others find their courage to do the things they had to do, for themselves, for their children or to escape a situation of violence or depression. Seen men come back from war, their souls torn, and those who simply loved the art of death, but not their own.
I know so little.
Would I change any of it, I think not, it is neither good nor bad. It is the hand that was dealt. Life for many, is way, way worse, and for others, far ,far better. I can’t stop and think and judge every thought or deed, I act, react and look to master my intent. What is in me, love, care, empathy, fear, hurt, forgiveness and joy, my true nature is peace.
Am I still that child, that little boy. Would I still chase you away.
From ""The Book That Dreams"
© G P F for All images and text, please do not use without my express permission.
PS - Am still writing The Book ... :)