Galactic Dreams
Anorexia - Helpless Hopeless
Taking this photograph created a deep sense of vulnerability and fear within me. It shows more skin than I normally would ever want to show, but I think the message I want to share is more important.
I have been struggling with overcoming Anorexia. It has been very difficult to overcome because it is entwined within the matrix of my PTSD. I have failed to receive any real help with my PTSD.
This struggle with finding solutions for my PTSD has made progress dealing with my eating disorder very difficult. Every time I try to figure things out and ask for assistance I am derailed or ignored. I have been tying on my own to get better but it seems like I am only getting worse. I stopped working out because I knew it was only fueling my anorexia. I tried to consume more calories but when I get over a certain point I start to feel extremely depressed (for lack of better word) and overwhelmed. If I turn off my emotions I can force myself to consume more calories and pretend that I do not exist. But the feelings do exist and cause me emotional pain. I have not weighed myself for a month, which is quite the accomplishment. The only problem with not weighing myself is that I have no way to track my progress. Therefore I weighed myself this morning and found out I have continued to lose weight, not gain weight. Now I am further underweight for someone my height than I ever have been; this should make me happy but I am sad.
I am sad because I am not able to help myself. I feel helpless and quite hopeless about getting better. What I want is for people to understand that people like me, who suffer from multiple mental health issues, need special care. You can’t simply throw words and theories at us and hope we fix ourselves. We need professional help and (almost more importantly) we need social support from our family and friends (if we have any). Without social support healing is extremely difficult, especially if the people who you need (or want) to support you are actually doing the opposite.
I feel ashamed and sad for having Anorexia. Often people tell me to “just go eat more” or “don’t think about it” or “get over it/move on” but these statements make me feel very defeated. Statements like these are sometimes meant as encouragement, but often they are ways for people to minimize the feelings of helplessness they feel and or to make the problem go away by pretending it does not exist. But these statements are hurtful and simply add to my feelings of helplessness. I truly feel stuck, like I can’t get better. I am trying so hard but still coming up a failure.
It is not always obvious who suffers from an eating disorder. Men and women work hard to disguise or hide their eating disorders because we feel that we need them to survive. The majority of those who suffer with an eating disorder do not look emaciated and do not need to look that way in order to need help. Please don't look at someone who you think is thin-normal weight and tell them they are fine just because their bones are not sticking out or they don't look like the skeletons popular media displays (those cases are very rare).
Please help the men and women who suffer from Eating Disorders by visiting any of these websites and either learn more or donate.
www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
Photographs are © Copyright Galactic Dreams (or others when indicated) and are not in the public domain and may not be used on blogs, websites, or in other media without advance written permission from Galactic Dreams.
Anorexia - Helpless Hopeless
Taking this photograph created a deep sense of vulnerability and fear within me. It shows more skin than I normally would ever want to show, but I think the message I want to share is more important.
I have been struggling with overcoming Anorexia. It has been very difficult to overcome because it is entwined within the matrix of my PTSD. I have failed to receive any real help with my PTSD.
This struggle with finding solutions for my PTSD has made progress dealing with my eating disorder very difficult. Every time I try to figure things out and ask for assistance I am derailed or ignored. I have been tying on my own to get better but it seems like I am only getting worse. I stopped working out because I knew it was only fueling my anorexia. I tried to consume more calories but when I get over a certain point I start to feel extremely depressed (for lack of better word) and overwhelmed. If I turn off my emotions I can force myself to consume more calories and pretend that I do not exist. But the feelings do exist and cause me emotional pain. I have not weighed myself for a month, which is quite the accomplishment. The only problem with not weighing myself is that I have no way to track my progress. Therefore I weighed myself this morning and found out I have continued to lose weight, not gain weight. Now I am further underweight for someone my height than I ever have been; this should make me happy but I am sad.
I am sad because I am not able to help myself. I feel helpless and quite hopeless about getting better. What I want is for people to understand that people like me, who suffer from multiple mental health issues, need special care. You can’t simply throw words and theories at us and hope we fix ourselves. We need professional help and (almost more importantly) we need social support from our family and friends (if we have any). Without social support healing is extremely difficult, especially if the people who you need (or want) to support you are actually doing the opposite.
I feel ashamed and sad for having Anorexia. Often people tell me to “just go eat more” or “don’t think about it” or “get over it/move on” but these statements make me feel very defeated. Statements like these are sometimes meant as encouragement, but often they are ways for people to minimize the feelings of helplessness they feel and or to make the problem go away by pretending it does not exist. But these statements are hurtful and simply add to my feelings of helplessness. I truly feel stuck, like I can’t get better. I am trying so hard but still coming up a failure.
It is not always obvious who suffers from an eating disorder. Men and women work hard to disguise or hide their eating disorders because we feel that we need them to survive. The majority of those who suffer with an eating disorder do not look emaciated and do not need to look that way in order to need help. Please don't look at someone who you think is thin-normal weight and tell them they are fine just because their bones are not sticking out or they don't look like the skeletons popular media displays (those cases are very rare).
Please help the men and women who suffer from Eating Disorders by visiting any of these websites and either learn more or donate.
www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
Photographs are © Copyright Galactic Dreams (or others when indicated) and are not in the public domain and may not be used on blogs, websites, or in other media without advance written permission from Galactic Dreams.