Aggie Ring Visits the "Asian-Only" restaurant.

Jersey Shore Fightin’ Texas Aggie Ring decided he wanted real Chinese food for lunch today. So, Aggie Ring drove us up to the Chinese bowling alley. “Why the Chinese bowling alley?” you might ask. “Well,” says Aggie Ring, “Every Aggie Ring knows that to get authentic Chinese food, you have to go to a Chinese bowling alley.”

 

This particular Chinese bowling alley that Aggie Ring goes to is well under the radar. The owners want to pretty much keep it “Asian Only” so there is not one single sign on the building. You just have to know where it is. When Aggie Ring had parked the car, we walked into the restaurant portion of the bowling alley. All of the Asians in the place looked at Aggie Ring with suspicion. You could have heard a pin drop. Momentarily, an old Asian woman came up to Aggie Ring and asked “What you want?”

 

Aggie Ring told the old Asian woman, “Ma’am, we’d like to eat lunch.” The old Asian woman nodded her head and replied, “Ok, but you eat soup.” Aggie Ring and I understood a bit later when the old Asian woman brought the menu. For lunch, real Chinese only eat soup. Granted, they had at least 40 different kinds of soup on the menu, but if you want real Chinese, you’re going to eat soup for lunch. Aggie Ring stepped into the men’s room to wash himself off. It was the cleanest restroom in a Chinese restaurant that Aggie Ring had ever seen. “Apparently,” Aggie Ring told me. “In the Chinese culture, only the Asian-only restaurants have clean restrooms.”

 

All of the soup is made to order so Aggie Ring ordered himself some seafood soup with noodles and looked around the room a bit. It turned out that Aggie Ring and I were the only “round-eye devils” in the restaurant and all of the Asians were looking at Aggie Ring with suspicion. This is apparently common. Every time Aggie Ring has been to the Chinese bowling alley he has been the only “round eye devil” in the place. Aggie Ring decided to “break the ice” a bit and jumped up on an empty teacup next to the pot the old Asian woman brought to the table. Aggie Ring broke into song in his best Al Jolson impression:

 

I’m a little teapot

Short and stout

Here is my handle

Here is my spout

When I get all steamed up

I just shout,

“Tip me over and pour me out!”

 

Well, all of the Asian men (there were only Asian men in the restaurant) were very impressed with Aggie Ring’s little performance of the “Teapot Song.”

 

There was an old, bald Asian man at the table next to us. He smiled and told us “Ohhhhh…. Aggie Wing do very good at Teapot Song.” I told him thanks and then I told Aggie Ring to get his shiny gold ass off of the teacup so I could pour the tea. By the way, there were none of those crispy fried noodles with mustard dipping sauce at this place because, apparently, that’s food that only the “round eye devil” eats and no real respectable Chinese person would eat something like that.

 

To pass the time while the soup was being made, Aggie Ring spun around like a top on the table several times and tried to see how long he could go without falling over. I told Aggie Ring about the time when I was a “fish” at A&M and one of the upperclassmen had us stand up a baseball bat and spin around with our forehead on the handle I until we started to wobble. Then, we had to run down the hall hitting ourselves against the walls as we stumbled from one side of the hallway to the other as we ran down to the far end of the dorm. Aggie Ring asked me if I thought that they still did that at A&M. I told him, “I certainly hope so. That was good clean fun. If they don’t do that to fish anymore, then they’ve all become a bunch of “Nancy Boys” at A&M.”

 

Then, Aggie Ring’s order of seafood soup with Asian noodles came out. The bowl was huge and steaming. Aggie Ring decided to perform his very dangerous “Aggie Ring Tightrope Walker” act and put himself, at great peril, over the deep bowl of steamy seafood soup without any sort of safety net. This performance could have gone very badly for Aggie Ring. In fact, it usually does. Luckily, the Aggie Ring Gods atop Mount Olympus were smiling down upon Jersey Shore Aggie Ring today as he executed his performance over the dangerous bowl of hot soup flawlessly.

 

It took a few minutes for the soup to cool down enough for Aggie Ring to start eating. It was quite spicy. It probably took Aggie Ring a good 20 minutes to finish his soup and when he did, Aggie Ring was (as they used to say in Texas) “Sweating like a whore in church.”

 

Aggie Ring paid the bill for once and he noticed that all of the Asian men in the restaurant were looking at us as we left. Aggie Ring half expected the old Asian woman to tell him, “You no tell your round eye friends about this place.” but she didn’t.

 

As we were pulling out of the parking lot onto the King’s Highway, Aggie Ring told me, “Mission accomplished. We infiltrated the Asian-only bowling alley with great Aggie Ring success.”

 

Aggie Ring say, “The road goes on forever and the party never ends.”

 

#AggieRing #TexasAggie #AggiesEverywhere

Done