66/365 the hardest day
I was pregnant this winter. After spending most of 2016 trying, we finally got a positive test in early December. We had planned to share the news in February, once I was in my second trimester and had checked the 13-week ultrasound off the list. Unfortunately, that announcement never happened. The doctors spotted a possible issue with the baby's heart on the ultrasound, and after another ultrasound a week later, the baby was diagnosed with a rare congenital heart defect called Ebstein’s anomaly. (The valve between the right atrium and right ventricle had formed too far down, impairing its function and putting more strain on the now-enlarged right atrium.) One more ultrasound followed at 16 weeks, and then we had a very long echocardiogram and consultation with the pediatric cardiologist a couple days later. He confirmed what I had feared after I first researched the condition: this baby’s chances of survival were not good, especially given that the problem was this apparent so early in the pregnancy. In addition to Ebstein's anomaly, the cardiologist identified probable pulmonary atresia, meaning that the valve regulating the flow from the heart to the lungs didn't appear to be functional either. With the normal pathway blocked, the blood was having to go back through the right atrium and out of a hole that would normally close on its own before birth. If the baby survived, she would need multiple heart surgeries, and her heart would still never have normal function, shortening her life expectancy significantly. But that was the best case scenario. With almost 24 weeks left of pregnancy, her chances of even making it to term before heart failure were pretty slim. We had our 4-year-old son to consider as well, and in the end, we decided that it would be best to terminate this pregnancy and (hopefully) try again.
We started the 3-day D&E process last Tuesday, at 17 weeks. For my picture that day, I shot the tulips that my college friends had sent, setting them on a cabinet in the nursery.
66/365 the hardest day
I was pregnant this winter. After spending most of 2016 trying, we finally got a positive test in early December. We had planned to share the news in February, once I was in my second trimester and had checked the 13-week ultrasound off the list. Unfortunately, that announcement never happened. The doctors spotted a possible issue with the baby's heart on the ultrasound, and after another ultrasound a week later, the baby was diagnosed with a rare congenital heart defect called Ebstein’s anomaly. (The valve between the right atrium and right ventricle had formed too far down, impairing its function and putting more strain on the now-enlarged right atrium.) One more ultrasound followed at 16 weeks, and then we had a very long echocardiogram and consultation with the pediatric cardiologist a couple days later. He confirmed what I had feared after I first researched the condition: this baby’s chances of survival were not good, especially given that the problem was this apparent so early in the pregnancy. In addition to Ebstein's anomaly, the cardiologist identified probable pulmonary atresia, meaning that the valve regulating the flow from the heart to the lungs didn't appear to be functional either. With the normal pathway blocked, the blood was having to go back through the right atrium and out of a hole that would normally close on its own before birth. If the baby survived, she would need multiple heart surgeries, and her heart would still never have normal function, shortening her life expectancy significantly. But that was the best case scenario. With almost 24 weeks left of pregnancy, her chances of even making it to term before heart failure were pretty slim. We had our 4-year-old son to consider as well, and in the end, we decided that it would be best to terminate this pregnancy and (hopefully) try again.
We started the 3-day D&E process last Tuesday, at 17 weeks. For my picture that day, I shot the tulips that my college friends had sent, setting them on a cabinet in the nursery.