152. Live on the street

So I woke up fairly late again, 1ish Im gonna guess but I stayed up stairs til 2:30. I did random stuff, like wrote out the list of people that I have to buy Christmas stuff for, theres quite a few lol I have to buy for Kiara, Adrian, Shyanne, my nephews Quinten and Zander, my mama, my Grampy, my doggie Jane, my mamas doggie Buddy, Chiara, Katkat, Cody, Nana, Jor, and hes gonna hate me for this but I wanna get something else for Ryan just something small or possibly awesome I havent decided yet :) But yeah thats my list of who to buy for, Im gonna try not to spend too terribly much lol my boys Q and Z are probably gonna cost the most. See these 2 boys have so many toys its unreal! They have everything! A whole room is devoted to their toys and this isnt a small room by any means. So Auntie Jenny has to try real hard to find something to impress these boys every year, I know you cant buy love with material things but they are so young and hardly get to see me so I want them to be able to open their gifts from me and be excited and have atleast that form of memory towards me instead of none. Like last yearish, not for any holiday but a just cause I havent gotten them anything in awhile I bought them a Scuba Steve :) It wasnt actually a Scuba Steve but it was a bath toy scuba diver that swam and I sent it to them with a letter and told Chris (their dad, my brother from another mother) that is was Scuba Steve, so I went n visited months after and my oldest nephew Quinten comes up to me and says Scuba Steve ran out of batteries, and it made me so happy to know that he knew who it was from and that he had liked it. I have to buy a few Christmas presents for myself as well, mainly game related ones lol. I have to pay the other half of my ps3 off and then buy a game or 2 to keep me occupied, and theres more shit I need/want but that can all wait til Jan. lol. And also while I was upstairs I texted KGB and ChaCha and got the recipes Im going to need to make my lemonaide inspired cupcakes! Im quite excited about that and I really hope they turn out the way I want them too, they sound yummy in my head lol so as soon as I get money Im gonna make those. And that and some other random shit I dont recall made up that hour and a half.

I came down and Rachaels boyfriend Cameron was here. We pretty much sat around all day. Once again I did homework, got 2 exams done, both 90s, did them both over the phone again. I really hope I entered in my student ID number right each time so that Im actually getting these grades lol. Adrian and I brushed our teeth and then Cameron ordered Pizza Hut. Got that new pizza bite thingy with the cheesey bite thingys as crust, it was good but not all that good, and cheese sticks. Gave Monster a bath, or as he says a bab, hes so cute! He played in there awhile, I turned on 107.3 which is the rock station, that I never get to listen to in this house lol I like to give the kids a taste of real music from time to time, and did some more reading after I got him all washed up. He smelt so good after his bath and once I told him he started sniffing random things on me like my eyes, ears, hair, and cheeks and telling me I smelt good and that I was cute lol I love that kid. I read him a book, a Little Bill book, I dont like Little Bill lol. Then some shit happened, shit I dont want to talk about, but some shit that seriously upset me and was incredibly fucked up... Watched some TV, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Storage Wars(?), and our other normal random shows lol. I had Chiara log on to my FB for me and send my stuff mushroom recipe to my friend Natasha whos moving away to Alabama soon :( The recipe is for her going away party. I hope she likes them, I sorta just made up the recipe lol I dont actually know how your spose to make them.

Im thinking about cracking open another school book, I really want to finish. I really want to graduate and have that, I dont have much to show for myself but this I can reach easily, this I can do. Graduating is important to me... School and me have never mixed, I know Iv talked about it before but I just dont learn well in the school setting and get pretty fed up with it pretty quickly and just give up. I wish I could take it back and try harder, but doesnt everyone? I know I cheated thru most of my schooling but Iv done my electives on my own, and did the things that interested me on my own like Literature and Human Relations and Iv learned a lot from what I actually cared to learn from but when I start college Im gonna be fucked when it comes to math... I kind of stopped trying in math when I moved to Texas, I was behind and no one cared to bring me up to speed so I didnt care either and now I know nothing but basic math. But Im just a few sections and a course away from having my diploma and thats a step in the right direction.

But if I dont read until I go to sleep I still need to fold clothes and possibly play a little Pokemon. I feel like talking but sadly I have no one to talk to, if I had more money on my phone Id call someone.. I dont know who but just anyone, maybe Meggy Sue. I have so much on my mind and I dont even know where to start in putting forth some action and Im too stubborn to cry, especially alone. I wish Sir Waffle was here so we could go for a walk and talk about everything, I dont ever expect answers, I just want someone to listen and respond to me like they care about me. COME HOME SIR WAFFLE!!! lol.

Anywho, Iv written far too much. Its pushing 11. I miss Ryan, hes probably going to go to sleep soon.. I wish I had something good to say so I could text him, I just want to talk to him. I dont want to go to sleep alone tonight. I need a pet lol but Iv decided I cant get a lizard.. I leave over night too often and sometimes dont know when Im coming back and lizards arent traveling animals. I dont know what kind of animal is. But I need a pet, I need something to take care of or I will lose my mind! Im a nurturer and I need something to nurture! And I just keep on writing, see I told u I wanted to talk lol..

 

So. Sticky note. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to live on the street? I wouldnt want to do it because I had no other choice, I always want the comfort of choices, I know sometimes that comfort is out of reach tho. But what if you just put money aside in the bank, left all your important items with a friend, and took only what you could fit in a back pack and hoofed it. Yeah, youd be dirty and hungry a lot of the time but instead of looking at the downsides think about the upsides. The experiences youd gain, the people youd meet, how much stronger youd become. And ofcourse youd always have that emergency fund, that way out. But we are all so used to our lives with our phones and tvs and fridges and lights and beds and showers, not everyone gets those. Im not trying to get all deep with you, just trying to get you to understand. Ever since I was a little little girl I would day dream about packing my bag and sleeping at the park and walking all day long to get to my next place whered Id stay for a little bit and head off again. And while reading the Tithe series, I dont remember which book, that got relit within me. In the book they lived on the street, yeah there was fairy stuff involved and they lived in New York but that wasnt what made it so interesting. Its the daily struggle forward, that may not sound appealing to you but I want to know what its like to really have to fight for just yourself, screw material things that we all come to depend on but just be out there, surviving day to day.

Well Im sitting out back in the picture, freezing I might add, by my bike that I got from my old neighbors. Its a little blurry but thats just cause it was dark.

 

Sorry I wrote so much about basically nothing lol

Done