Words That Hurt

 

 

Remember that it is not only what we say (the content), but how we say it (tone, inflection, body language) that is crucial in avoiding damaging words.

 

 

Consequences of Using Hurtful Words

 

1. Words used inappropriately can bring hurt, even destruction, into the lives of all involved.

 

Leviticus 19:16 Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the LORD. (NIV)

Obadiah 1:12 You should not gloat over your brother in the day of his misfortune, nor rejoice over the people of Judah in the day of their destruction, nor boast so much in the day of their trouble. (NIV)

James 3:6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity. (NASB) (See verses 5–12.)

Exodus 23:1; Proverbs 13:3; 26:20–22; Galatians 5:14–15

 

2. Using words appropriately will safeguard our daily walk with God.

 

Psalm 15:1–3 LORD, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain? The one … who speaks the truth from their heart; whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others. (NIV)

Psalm 24:3–4; Isaiah 33:15–16

 

3. Gossip and unwholesome speech produce ungodly results.

 

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences. (NLT)

Galatians 5:15 But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another. (NLT)

Proverbs 21:23; Matthew 12:35–36; 2 Timothy 2:16–17; James 3:11

 

4. Gossip is included in lists of disturbing sins.

 

2 Timothy 3:2–3 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal. (NASB)

Psalm 50:16–20; Romans 1:28–29

 

 

Avoiding Use of Hurtful Words

 

1. We must choose carefully the words we use—a reasoned, Spirit-led response.

 

James 1:26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. (NIV)

1 Peter 3:10 Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. (NIV)

Psalm 17:3; 1 Peter 2:1

 

2. Choosing not to associate with gossips is wise.

 

Proverbs 20:19 A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers. (NLT)

Psalm 141:3–4 Take control of what I say, O LORD, and guard my lips. Don’t let me drift toward evil or take part in acts of wickedness. Don’t let me share in the delicacies of those who do wrong. (NLT)

 

3. Damaging words must be replaced with positive, productive words.

 

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (NIV)

Proverbs 12:18; 16:24; 17:9

 

 

Responding to Words That Hurt

 

1. God is our best refuge when others use words that hurt.

 

Psalm 31:19–20 Oh, how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You, which You have prepared for those who trust in You in the presence of the sons of men! You shall hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the plots of man; You shall keep them secretly in a pavilion from the strife of tongues. (NKJV)

Luke 6:22 Blessed are you when men hate you, and ostracize you, and insult you, and scorn your name as evil, for the sake of the Son of Man. (NASB)

Psalm 62:5–7; 140:12

 

2. A plan for relief.

 

Proverbs 12:16 A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted. (NLT)

Psalm 120:1–2 I took my troubles to the LORD; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer. Rescue me, O LORD, from liars and from all deceitful people. (NLT)

Luke 6:27–28 But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. (NLT)

Psalm 119:69; Romans 12:17–21

 

 

Biblical Narratives

 

• Hannah, hurt deeply by words, 1 Samuel 1:1–18

• Jesus, his controlled response, 1 Peter 2:21–23

 

 

Practical Steps

 

• If you have the problem of using harsh words, be willing to admit that it is sin, no more excuses. Confess and ask forgiveness from God. Ask your wife, children, and others to forgive you.

• Commit to obeying commands of nonretaliation and responding peacefully. See Matthew 5:38–44 and Romans 12:14, 17.

• To help break the sinful pattern of gossip, write on a card, “What is my motivation for sharing this?” Keep this close at hand to monitor your conversations throughout the day.

• Avoid places where gossip often occurs, such as break rooms at work.

• If someone begins to gossip, have the courage to explain tactfully that you prefer not to listen and then walk away, or just walk away.

 

Keith R. Miller, Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Men (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2014), 327–330.

Done