Tame Your Tongue

7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people lwho are made in the likeness of God. 10 From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers,3 these things ought not to be so. 11 Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.

 

The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton: Standard Bible Society, 2001), Jas 3:7–12.

 

Communication involves both what we say (content) and how we say it (tone, inflection, body language). God has given us enormous capability in this area, and we must make sure we are pleasing him with our words.

 

1. Positive traits to develop in speech.

 

BUILDING UP

 

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. (ESV)

Colossians 4:6 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. (NIV)

 

GENTLENESS

 

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (NASB)

Galatians 6:1

 

KINDNESS

 

Proverbs 16:24 Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. (NLT)

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (NIV)

Proverbs 12:25

 

PATIENCE

 

Proverbs 25:15 With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone. (ESV)

 

SPEAKING TRUTH

 

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. (ESV)

 

SPEAKING AFTER LISTENING

 

James 1:19–20 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (ESV)

Proverbs 18:13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. (ESV)

Proverbs 15:28

 

COMMUNICATING KNOWLEDGE

 

Proverbs 20:15 There is gold, and an abundance of jewels; but the lips of knowledge are a more precious thing. (NASB)

 

APPROPRIATE WORDS

 

Psalm 37:30 The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom, and his tongue speaks justice. (ESV)

Proverbs 10:19; 15:23; 25:11; 1 Timothy 4:12

 

2. Negative traits to avoid in speech.

 

MISUSING GOD’S NAME (IN VAIN OR WITH CONTEMPT)

 

Exodus 20:7 You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name. (NIV)

 

OBSCENE, FOOLISH, RAW HUMOR

 

Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. (NIV)

Ephesians 5:4

 

FALSEHOOD, LYING

 

Colossians 3:9–10 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. (ESV)

Ephesians 4:25, Zechariah 8:16

 

ANSWERING BEFORE LISTENING

 

Proverbs 18:13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame. (ESV)

Proverbs 18:17

 

FOOLISH, IGNORANT ARGUMENTS

 

2 Timothy 2:23–24 But keep away from foolish and ignorant arguments; you know that they end up in quarrels. As the Lord’s servant, you must not quarrel. You must be kind toward all, a good and patient teacher. (GNT)

 

SLANDER, GOSSIP

 

Proverbs 20:19 He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip. (NASB)

Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (ESV)

1 Timothy 5:13–14; Titus 3:1–2

 

LACK OF CONTROL

 

James 1:26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. (NLT)

 

COMPLAINING

 

Philippians 2:14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing. (NIV)

1 Corinthians 10:6–10; James 5:9

 

SUMMARY OF THE TONGUE’S NEGATIVE POTENTIAL

 

James 3:8 But no one has ever been able to tame the tongue. It is evil and uncontrollable, full of deadly poison. (GNT) (See verses 5–12.)

 

3. Speech can both grieve and please the Holy Spirit.

 

Ephesians 4:29–30 Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you. And do not make God’s Holy Spirit sad; for the Spirit is God’s mark of ownership on you, a guarantee that the Day will come when God will set you free. (GNT)

 

4. As creation gives glory to God, so should our speech.

 

Psalm 19:1–4 The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, and night unto night reveals knowledge. There is no speech nor language where their voice is not heard. Their line has gone out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. (NKJV)

 

5. Additional contrasts from Proverbs.

 

Proverbs 12:18 Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. (NLT)

Proverbs 10:20–21 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of sense. (NIV)

Proverbs 15:4

 

Biblical Narratives

 

• Israelites, grumbling, Numbers 16:41; 17:5–10

• Abigail, calming David down, 1 Samuel 25

• Ananias and Sapphira, lying, Acts 5:1–11

 

Practical Steps

 

• As you drive home from work, commit to speaking with your family positively and without complaining.

• Be aware of your body language or nonverbal communication habits. Ask others to evaluate. Work on corrections where needed.

• Pray before you go into social situations, before calling or writing someone, or before posting on a social media site.

• Practice not responding to or laughing at rude or cruel speech or off-color humor.

• Openly communicate when you need to take a stand against sin or wrong. Your silence communicates agreement.

 

Keith R. Miller, Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Men (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books, 2014), 67–71.

Done