Stellanator Waiver (and admission of stupidity)
I, _____________, freely acknowledge that I've ordered a Stellanator from a member of the friendly staff of Stella's (such staff member, and all other employees, agents, representatives and owners of Stella's Bar and Grill and Francois Enterprises, LLC are referred to collectively as the “Innocent Bystanders”). I know that doing so makes me appear extremely careless of my health and demonstrates clearly that I don't have any real friends (if I did, they'd have talked me out of this).
The Innocent Bystanders have told me what I'm in for. They've also told me that others have tried eating the Stellanator, and that the results have tended to be unpleasant for all concerned. I've been advised that I can ask for specifics if I'm not squeamish. Notwithstanding that warning, I've decided to listen to the more poorly functioning portions of my brain, and I've persisted in ordering 4 ‘/2 pounds of beef, bacon, eggs and cheese (together with any vegetable or grain products that happen to come along for the ride). I've been told that I won't get my burger unless I sign this, and I know that I'm only getting it because I did so.
I know that if I attempt to consume the entire Stellanator, there's an excellent chance that my digestive system will rebel — potentially violently. Regardless of whether that occurs, I acknowledge that eating, by myself, a meal that would comfortably serve a hungry basketball team (including the coach) is almost certain to result in a certain amount of discomfort, (potentially lasting beyond today). I know that nobody in the health profession would recommend downing a Stellanator, and that I may well be shortening my lifespan by eating one.
Knowing all that (and I do—I read this), I agree that I won't come whining to any Innocent Bystander about what a poor idea, in retrospect, this turned out to be. Neither I, nor anyone unfortunate enough to share my gene pool, to be married to me, or to be in a position to complain in any way about my lack of self-discipline and/or the fact that I ordered, was served, and tried to eat a ridiculous amount of food, will in any way attempt to blame any Innocent Bystander for the consequences of my gluttony. I hereby waive any claim of liability against, and otherwise fully, freely and absolutely, release and hold harmless the Innocent Bystanders, on behalf of myself and all those claiming by and through me, for all loss, damage, injury or harm suffered by me or them, now or in the future, as a consequence of my consumption of the Stellanator (or as much of it as I'm able to eat).
Finally, I fully understand that the consequences of my foolishness are mine alone to bear. What's about to happen isn't my server's fault, and I promise to tip her appropriately. I hereby, sign this Waiver (and admission of stupidity) of my own free will this ___ day of ___, _____.
Stellanator Waiver (and admission of stupidity)
I, _____________, freely acknowledge that I've ordered a Stellanator from a member of the friendly staff of Stella's (such staff member, and all other employees, agents, representatives and owners of Stella's Bar and Grill and Francois Enterprises, LLC are referred to collectively as the “Innocent Bystanders”). I know that doing so makes me appear extremely careless of my health and demonstrates clearly that I don't have any real friends (if I did, they'd have talked me out of this).
The Innocent Bystanders have told me what I'm in for. They've also told me that others have tried eating the Stellanator, and that the results have tended to be unpleasant for all concerned. I've been advised that I can ask for specifics if I'm not squeamish. Notwithstanding that warning, I've decided to listen to the more poorly functioning portions of my brain, and I've persisted in ordering 4 ‘/2 pounds of beef, bacon, eggs and cheese (together with any vegetable or grain products that happen to come along for the ride). I've been told that I won't get my burger unless I sign this, and I know that I'm only getting it because I did so.
I know that if I attempt to consume the entire Stellanator, there's an excellent chance that my digestive system will rebel — potentially violently. Regardless of whether that occurs, I acknowledge that eating, by myself, a meal that would comfortably serve a hungry basketball team (including the coach) is almost certain to result in a certain amount of discomfort, (potentially lasting beyond today). I know that nobody in the health profession would recommend downing a Stellanator, and that I may well be shortening my lifespan by eating one.
Knowing all that (and I do—I read this), I agree that I won't come whining to any Innocent Bystander about what a poor idea, in retrospect, this turned out to be. Neither I, nor anyone unfortunate enough to share my gene pool, to be married to me, or to be in a position to complain in any way about my lack of self-discipline and/or the fact that I ordered, was served, and tried to eat a ridiculous amount of food, will in any way attempt to blame any Innocent Bystander for the consequences of my gluttony. I hereby waive any claim of liability against, and otherwise fully, freely and absolutely, release and hold harmless the Innocent Bystanders, on behalf of myself and all those claiming by and through me, for all loss, damage, injury or harm suffered by me or them, now or in the future, as a consequence of my consumption of the Stellanator (or as much of it as I'm able to eat).
Finally, I fully understand that the consequences of my foolishness are mine alone to bear. What's about to happen isn't my server's fault, and I promise to tip her appropriately. I hereby, sign this Waiver (and admission of stupidity) of my own free will this ___ day of ___, _____.