201.365

yet what are you supposed to give when the best you have isn't good enough? I'm tired of fighting against a brick wall, of feeling my energy drain with each conversation and each moment as it passes. When you can't compete do you give in or stand up? Because I've been fighting back for so long now that I'm losing something. It isn't dignity, it isn't pride, maybe it's just happiness. Alright, I'll admit, I'm jealous. It's unnatural, it isn't me, but when I've put everything into such a fruitless venture I feel like I'd give anything to have it handed to me on a plate, the way she has, the way you do. I want to rant forever about two-faced morals and double standards because I'm sick of it, you should know. I hate it and the moment I strongly dislike you. I think you'll read this and I think you'll question because at surface value you'd assume that I could never say that but fact it, I'm laying it out pure and simple, no hidden meaning, which is ironic; I'm sick of your games. You can't act like a friend at face value but be a cohort of my enemies as an undercurrent, it doesn't work like that.

There are so many things, so many stupid little things all accumulating and overspilling into the tears on my cheeks and this is everything I promised it wouldn't be again but I don't care, this is me and you can think what you like. I am so angry at you, friend. You're two people or maybe more and nowadays I don't like even one of them but I'm the one who's weak, here, because I just can't say it to your face. I want to scream and kick my heels like a small child and that's what this is reduced to- temper tantrums and backstabbing and bitching and I'm going to shut up now before I drive myself insane.

 

 

I hate that my 365's have gone about as downhill as my mood recently.

 

Ahhh this is just another photo of my face :(

Done