The Telecommunications Tree
This stunning Telecommunications Tree (Arbus vodafonensis) towers over the surrounding secondary growth forest. Although quite rare in Britain, these mysterious trees seem to thrive on sites with a particular microclimate. They always prefer sites higher than the adjacent area. Indeed it is thought they can only survive where there is a clear flow of air to their branch systems and they seem unaffected by extreme exposure to wind and rain.
Many say they possess mystical powers. Whilst a few believe they are controlled by orbiting spaceships, many claim they have the ability to receive thoughts from companion trees that are miles away. Some even suggest they have the ability to talk back to those trees and hold conversations on subjects as diverse as the weather; whether the Birmingham to Bristol train is running 1 or 3 minutes late; what happened last night on Big Brother and which overpaid footballer Man City have failed to sign this week.
The sites of these ancient trees are jealously guarded by the tribe known as the Vodafones, hence the trees' scientific name. The Vodafones are themselves descended from the Vods, notorious for their avarice even before they invaded Britain from the east when we were still connected by a land bridge to Europa. Should other tribes approach, but most notably The Orange, ear-shattering soundwaves activate that also automatically detect and destroy any electrical device that could infect or parasitise the tree.
One of the great questions remaining for science is how the Telecommunications Tree reproduces. Many theories have been put forward. Currently the most likely seems to be underground 'runners' that are capable of sensing another tree's runners at some distance.....then Bingo! A by-product is the destruction of any cables that happen to be in their path laid by another rival tribe "The Virgins".
Finally I would like to take this opportunity of inviting you to join The Telecommunications Tree Preservation Society (sponsored by Vodafone). We campaign vigorously for the preservation of this maginificant species. Membership costs only £80/annum and for that you receive a moo-sticker of Lewis Hamilton; a reminder that England won The Ashes in 2005 and 2 free texts per month (terms and conditions apply). Please help us help these trees!!
The Telecommunications Tree
This stunning Telecommunications Tree (Arbus vodafonensis) towers over the surrounding secondary growth forest. Although quite rare in Britain, these mysterious trees seem to thrive on sites with a particular microclimate. They always prefer sites higher than the adjacent area. Indeed it is thought they can only survive where there is a clear flow of air to their branch systems and they seem unaffected by extreme exposure to wind and rain.
Many say they possess mystical powers. Whilst a few believe they are controlled by orbiting spaceships, many claim they have the ability to receive thoughts from companion trees that are miles away. Some even suggest they have the ability to talk back to those trees and hold conversations on subjects as diverse as the weather; whether the Birmingham to Bristol train is running 1 or 3 minutes late; what happened last night on Big Brother and which overpaid footballer Man City have failed to sign this week.
The sites of these ancient trees are jealously guarded by the tribe known as the Vodafones, hence the trees' scientific name. The Vodafones are themselves descended from the Vods, notorious for their avarice even before they invaded Britain from the east when we were still connected by a land bridge to Europa. Should other tribes approach, but most notably The Orange, ear-shattering soundwaves activate that also automatically detect and destroy any electrical device that could infect or parasitise the tree.
One of the great questions remaining for science is how the Telecommunications Tree reproduces. Many theories have been put forward. Currently the most likely seems to be underground 'runners' that are capable of sensing another tree's runners at some distance.....then Bingo! A by-product is the destruction of any cables that happen to be in their path laid by another rival tribe "The Virgins".
Finally I would like to take this opportunity of inviting you to join The Telecommunications Tree Preservation Society (sponsored by Vodafone). We campaign vigorously for the preservation of this maginificant species. Membership costs only £80/annum and for that you receive a moo-sticker of Lewis Hamilton; a reminder that England won The Ashes in 2005 and 2 free texts per month (terms and conditions apply). Please help us help these trees!!