limbo

after procrastinating for over a month since back here in SF, i finally went to my storage unit. this is where i packed away most of my relatively meager but personally valuable life-stuff for ..... "the time being".

 

for those who don't know, i left the SF bay area after 23 years and have moved back

to my birthplace, pittsburgh pa. in short, i needed to leave SF mostly due to

a heartbreak i couldn't "get over" after 2+ years. i needed to go back to pittsburgh

for one thing to be with family again after decades away. this is a trial run.

i'm taking it 6 months at a time. i have no idea where i should be, will be.

i am dislocated ... for the time being.

 

meanwhile, i discovered 2 reasons for my procrastination:

 

1) i could not go through these belongings without at least 1 or 2 other people

to take everything out piece-by-piece just to look through the stuff;

 

and

 

2) upon opening only a few of these visible boxes, i came across some

big things that brought tears to my eyes:

 

- wigs and costumes from long-gone glorious, powerful years on stage;

- books and records that held great significance during particular points

along the long and winding way;

 

and a few little things that made me full-on cry for the first time in months:

 

- delicate, exquisite perfume bottles gifted me by my ex over the years;

- tiny stuffed animals representing some of our travels and

"you had to be there" moments;

- a "magic box" from the first day we met, filled with mementos

from our first year ...

 

i stopped there, washed over with emotional fatigue. it was just ... too ... much ...

 

that bag there in front on the cement? this is the sum total of what i could deal with -

more from my collection of sunglasses.

 

i'm not looking for heaven, nor trying to avoid hell.

been to both, and will be again - as is true for all.

they're metaphors, part and parcel to being alive.

 

i just want to find home again,

here, now, in this life,

on this earth.

 

Done