human condition [storytime follows]

my father ... one bit ...

 

for so many reasons - factual, behavioral etc - has always been a stranger to me. we have barely been a part of each other's lives, less than scarcely.

 

i know many would count this as also true for them. i just want to be clear that i mean both literally - he and my mother divorced when i was 1, their only child, and through my childhood i remember him as a distant acquaintance - and figuratively - the stereotypical detached, care-less, narcissistic fathergod.

 

jumping to present day - he's now in a care facility for dementia. he didn't care for me these 60+ years to start. but now, if he even remembers who i am, he flat out says with disgust in his voice "who cares."

 

this sister, from his 2nd wife, and 11 years my junior, is his angel child. once, at a family dinner, he rhetorically asked "why can't you be like denise? she has a good career, a husband, family, house ... " (she was mortified, bless her heart.)

 

i'm one of those people who usually thinks of the best things to say too long after the fact. but right then, looking him in the eyes with fire in mine, i came back in full glory with "i'm a good person, and that's what matters."

 

it's weird and sad to say that i have never felt loved or liked by or love or like for this man. what a damn shame - on *his* soul.

Done