The Atom: El Fiesta Part 1

Prologue by Jerry Seinfeld:

 

Where to begin...

I guess we should start off anywhere really.

Timelines and shit are confusing, and the Atom is technically dead...

but fuck it.

I just revived him.

Now he's on his own, doing his own thing.

Let's see what he's up to.

-Seinfeld

 

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"I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE!" Ray screamed as he awoke himself. He realized he was in bed, alone, and was having a weird dream that awfully reminded him of the 1988 classic "Vampire's Kiss" movie.

"I uh... need to stop quoting Nick Cage," Ray reminded himself. He looked around to see the apartment he was currently living in. It was small and very dusty. It's almost like the apartment was forgotten, just like he had been. Almost everyone that he loved, and every friend he had, left him for the "real world". Superheroes were long gone now, and Ray was always the runt of the litter. People grew up, but Ray... Ray never got the hint. It took him a long time to realize that.

An alarm went off on his phone, and he saw that the time was 2:30 pm. His sleep schedule was never the same after doing night shifts at the JLA. Ray got up and walked to his kitchen, to find something to eat. Alas, only a sad reminder remained in the kitchen: a hole in the wall where Donna left and never came back. The symbolism in Ray told him that the hole reminded him of his heart, and how there was always a gaping hole in it that could never be repaired. He sighed as he went to the fridge and took out a Caprisun Roarin' Waters juice box. I didn't know they still make those.

Ray strolled back to his bed, where he crawled in and took a sip of his juice. This was his life. He never got out of bed to do anything. He never went out with "friends" for a drink. No job, no money, and sad and alone.

As fate would have it, however, this was not the end of Ray's adventure.

His phone rang. Ray looked at the phone in amazement. His phone hadn't rung in years. He looked to see that it was from an unknown caller.

Very suspicious.

So Ray decided not to answer, and let the call go to voicemail.

But the caller didn't leave a message after the beep, even though Ray SPECIFICALLY said to leave a message after the beep.

And the phone rang again.

This time, Ray became frustrated. He answered the phone and said,

"If this is a god damn prank call from one of you kids, or if you're a telemarketer, or you're Zazzles, or one of the god damn JLA members, I don't want to hear it."

The phone was silent.

"Hello?" Ray said into the phone. He almost didn't get an answer, but he heard a faint noise. Then, a speaker.

"Sup bitch. It's Atomic Flippers, aka ya boy Sparky."

 

What the fuck?

This is where we're going with this?

Ok.

Alright.

I'm down.

As long as Marky Mark doesn't make an appearance.

Anyways.

 

Ray jumped out of bed and smiled.

"Sparky?"

"Yeah boyyyyyyy."

"Holy flippers... what's happening my dude?"

"Tom Selleck."

"Uh, excuse me?"

"Tom Selleck. He's in danger, and we need to find him NOW."

 

...Seriously, what the fuck. I thought this was supposed to be serious. It's not? It is? What do you mean "it kinda sorta is?" Atomic Flippers, and Tom Selleck? AND HIM? No, we can't bring HIM back. You remember how much controversy that caused. What do you mean you changed the character a bit? That's not going to help. This is bad. This is... oh god this is an Atom story.

Anyways.

 

"Tom Selleck is in danger? How could the coolest man on the planet be in danger?" Ray asked.

"Listen, you just need to trust me. Meet ya boy at the old meet up place, and we'll talk there. Cool?" Atomic Flippers said.

"Oh we can't go there. That's controversial."

"Well that's too bad isn't it. Because we're going there."

"Poonton is NOT going to be happy..." Ray said.

Ray then turned off his phone, and turned to go put some pants on. Then he realized that this wasn't a job for Ray Palmer. No. This was an Atom adventure. But the Atom was sort of banned from existence. So, Ray thought of the next best thing, and put on the Atom suit with a cape and cowl.

It was the perfect disguise.

He then walked down to his old favorite restaurant, which should be familiar with the audience. Behind the desk sat a man that looked extremely familiar to Ray. But it couldn't be HIM. He had killed HIM off. Ray walked up to the man, and saw the hair, the clothes... almost everything was the same.

"Welcome to the Sushi place, I'm..." the man started.

"Him." Ray abruptly said.

"Uh... my name's-"

"Pong."

"No, it's Chad?"

 

What. The. Fuck. Is. Happening.

 

"Chad? Pffttt. Chad? CHAD? CHADDDD?" Ray started to scream.

"Hey aren't you the Atom?"

"CHAD?"

"That's me. I heard that you worked with my co-worker for a while..."

"CHAD."

"... and I was wondering if there was anything that I could do to you know, maybe make my super hero debut?"

"Chad, who the fuck are you, and why do you look just like-"

"We're told to look this way."

"By who?"

 

Let's not get on this topic boys.

 

"I know it's odd for a guy like me, ruggedly handsome and extremely talented to be working here-" Chad started.

"Listen CHAD, this place is amazing," Ray snapped back.

"... and I couldn't agree more! But I really need a better gig, and you're a-" Chad lowered his voice, "... a real life super hero!"

"Made entirely out of plastic buddy," Ray replied.

"Gimme a shot, please?" Chad begged.

"Excuse me," a voice said.

Ray and Chad turned around to see two police officers and a penguin. Ray recognized the penguin as Atomic Flippers, and the girl cop was weirdly familiar. Something was different but he could recognize her anywhere. ANYWHERE. That's why it was such a shock when he saw her.

"Donna?"

"Oh fuck-" Donna said.

"Wha... What the fuck are you doing here?" Ray asked.

"I could ask you the same question you ignorant-" Donna began, but was quickly stopped by her partner.

"I'm detective Ronnie. But you can call me Ronald," Ronald then stuck his hand out for Ray to shake.

Ray did not shake the hand of the man who sounded like Patrick Swayze.

"Can I uh... speak to you outside?" Ray asked Donna. Donna looked as if she could punch Ray through a wall, but gritted her teeth and mumbled a "yes." Ray walked Donna outside, where Donna started to scream at him.

"What are you doing here Ray?"

"I could LITERALLY ask you the same question!" Ray screamed back.

"Ray... you've been gone for over a year. And now you come back, out of thin air, and just expect to be the Atom again? Do you expect people to just believe in super heroes-"

"Us."

"... us, again? I mean seriously, the last time we tried that-"

"It didn't end well."

"Yeah. Listen Ray, I don't like that you're here. You being here is really starting to hurt my mental state, and I can't go through this again."

"Donna, you're my-"

"Cut it Ray. Cut it. All that bullshit you've been feeding yourself for the past year, it doesn't help. Grow the fuck up Ray. We broke up. We ended things. So end it. End how you feel for me."

"I can't do that, not yet-"

"Not yet? Ray, it's been over a year! I'VE moved on. It's time you do too."

"... That still doesn't explain why you're here though."

"Yeah, well it doesn't explain why you are either."

"I'm here because Atomic Flippers said that Tom Selleck was is danger."

"Tom Selleck?"

"Tom Selleck."

"I love Tom Selleck."

"Who doesn't? Wait, why are you here? And why are you a cop?"

Donna was going to answer, but a loud noise was heard inside, and the two ran back in. They ran in to find Atomic Flippers over Detective Ronald, holding a gun to his head with Chad in a floaty.

"Guy, what happened?" Ray asked.

"Ronald is a threat to Selleck!" Atomic Flippers explained.

"I'm literally just trying to do my job-" Ronald began, but didn't get much out before Tom Selleck walked in the door.

"Hey... anyone have any cocaine?" Tom Selleck asked.

 

Ok seriously, where the fuck is this story going?

*Sean turns around from the couch*

Oh motherfucker, you're in for a ride.

 

 

Done