Dysfunction: Chapter I.

Star Wars: Dysfunction

An Alphas Story

 

ARC Squad Alpha-B Roster

Captain Alpha-10 “Ramser” (CO/Auxiliary Marksman)

First Lieutenant Alpha-09 “Capyr” (XO/Auxiliary Demolitions)

Second Lieutenant Alpha-51 “Adenn” (Demolitions/CQB)

Second Lieutenant ARC-53/886 “Gray” (Technician)

Sergeant Major ARC-21/547 “Swoop” (Aerial Assault)

Sergeant Major ARC-401/39 “Deadshot” (Marksman)

Sergeant CS-1801 “Ticker” (Infantry Team Leader)

Corporal CT-89/123 “Stitch” (Medic)

Private CT-7713 “Rail” (Infantry)

Private CT-9054 “Ram” (Infantry)

Private CT-4509 “Knuckles” (Infantry)

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Chapter I

RAS Bastila Shan

Outskirts of the Hypori Sector

21 BBY

 

 

“Unbelievable! Un-karking-believable! This is a horrible injustice towards the fighting men of the Grand Army of the Republic! This is oppression! Tyranny! A crime unparalleled throughout all of galactic history!”

Private Rail sighed, and looked over at his squadmate, Knuckles. “Oh, command only took away your unauthorized porn collection. Stop being a crybaby about it.”

“That was high-quality Holovid material, man! Some of the best in the industry! I’m not being a crybaby, I’m protesting against the stomping on of my right to get turned on!”

“I don’t think that’s a right, Knuckles.”

“Well it should be!”

Before the discussion about the hypothetical right to porn could progress, a third clone bursted into the impromptu meeting room of the debate club that had been founded just seconds earlier, otherwise known as the RecRoom of the Bastila. Clone Sergeant Ticker, the team’s senior NCO that wasn’t an ARC, crossed his arms, and glared at Rail and Knuckles, highly annoyed. Ticker pointed at Knuckles, and said “Private, I swear to the Force, is it impossible for me to leave ya alone fer three damn minutes without ya gettin’ yerself into kriffing trouble!? Ya know that garbage is against the regs! You’re making the entire team look bad! Blast it, you’re making the entire GAR look bad!”

Knuckles simply shrugged, and replied “Hey, if they don’t want these things to happen, they shouldn’t ban my porn.”

Rail rolled his eyes, and said “You know, Knuckles, that they ban all of that kind of stuff. They aren’t just targeting you specifically.”

“Oi, that’s enough, ya two. We can sort out the contraband issue later. The Cap’n wants us all in the hangar, and we’d hate to disappoint, eh?”

Rail stood up from his seat, and replied “On it, Sarge. We’ll head to the armory ASAP.”

Rail and Knuckles quickly walked out of the RecRoom, leaving Ticker behind.

 

“So, how do you think this is gonna work out, Rail?”

Rail punched in the code to open the Armory door, and replied “Eh, chances all, we get captured, we get interrogated, and we get executed. Standard Covert Ops stuff, from what the XO told me.”

As they stepped into the armory, Knuckles said “Oh, come on. Lieutenant Capyr doesn’t know what he’s-”

Knuckles heard the sound of a clone clearing his throat, and turned his head to see Capyr adjusting a bayonet on his DC-15A. “I know a lot of things, Private. Including that you should always make sure the fellow you’re badmouthing isn’t within earshot.”

The two turned their heads as they heard a chuckle and saw 2nd Lieutenant Adenn sitting on top of a container whilst chucking a grenade around in his hands. “Knowing that you’re able to hear us is what makes it more funnier.”

Capyr made a gesture of questionable politeness towards Adenn, and looked back at Knuckles and Rail. “Look, you two. I know that being sent on borderline suicide missions behind enemy lines is bad for morale, but can you at least save it until after we’re on the ground?” The two Privates muttered in acknowledgments, and went about getting their equipment.

Adenn continued tossing the grenade around in his hands. “‘Ey, Capy, you think that bayonet of yours could pierce through this?”

Capyr scowled under his helmet, gestured at Adenn again, and pressed a button on his gauntlet.

Adenn looked around the armory in confusion, then turned to Capyr, and said “The kark did you do now? And what the kark is that noi-” Adenn looked down to his hands, and a look of horror came across his face as he realized how the grenade played into this. Throwing the now armed grenade across the room, he dove behind a crate of blasters and hoped for the best.

Capyr, for his part, simply stood up, walked over to the grenade, and chuckled. Picking it up, he placed it on his belt, and called out “Hey, di’kut! You can come out now!” Capyr looked over at the two Privates, staring at him in shock. “Eh, don’t worry about it. This here is a little invention of mine, call it a Gagnade. About as explosive as durasteel.”

Adenn slowly crept back up, shock all over his face as he shakingly asked “What the kark? How-”

“Oh, y’know. Designed to look like a grenade, and when I press this button right here,” said Capyr, pointing at his gauntlet, “It starts beeping. Figured it’d be useful on a mission some day, but it’s also real good for putting di’kute who like to pretend they’re Demolitions Experts in their place. By which I mean you, so don’t try to pull the ‘No, you’ trick on me.”

The shock on Adenn’s face became a hateful scowl as he walked over to Capyr with his knife in hand. Capyr, in response, picked up his DC and pointed the bayonet at Adenn. “Now, now, I’m enough of a civilized adult for both of us, so why don’t we sit down and act like it?”

Adenn was not impressed as he looked down at the bayonet. “And if I said no?”

“Then I’m telling the angry Captain standing in the doorway.”

Adenn turned his head, and saw that the squad’s CO, Captain Ramser, was indeed standing in the doorway, his arms crossed. Adenn gave a nervous smile and slowly waved at the Captain, the bayonet still pointed at him. Ramser sighed, and said “Weapons down, both of you.”

Adenn raised both hands and asked. “What weapon?”

Capyr slowly lowered his DC, and said “The knife, you moron.”

Adenn looked at Capyr, mouthed suggestive things at him, and placed the knife back into its holster. When Ramser was sure that the Armory would not be the site of a stabbing, he continued speaking. “Look, Capyr. I know that when Adenn joined the team, there was some… conflict over him taking your job. But he’s still part of the team, and you are to treat him as such. And Adenn, I don’t know what you’re doing to provoke these fights, but whatever it is, stop.”

“Maybe if he wasn’t such a whiny piece of-”

“I said, stop it, Adenn.

Adenn clenched his fist and looked at Capyr in disgust. “Yes, sir.” Capyr and Adenn watched as Ramser stepped outside the Armory, and began to finish collecting their equipment in silence.

 

Corporal Stitch looked up from his partially assembled Medkit and over at his squadmate, Ram, who was frantically punching buttons on a datapad. “Y’know, Ram, that trick is only going to work so long. The CO will find out eventually.” Stitch shrugged as his warnings fell upon deaf ears and Ram refused to respond, still pushing random buttons to make himself appear busy. “Seriously, it’s only a matter of time.”

Ram remained focused on his datapad until an ARC in grey armor noticed him, walked over, and in one swift motion, took the datapad from Ram and hit him over the head with it. “CT-9054, for the last time, stop messing around the with the datapads. These aren’t toys.”

A second ARC walked up next to Gray. “You really didn’t have to hit him over the head with it, Gray.”

Gray looked at the datapad in his hand, then at the other ARC. “Maybe not, Swoop. But it was satisfying. Y’know how rare it is for me to be the highest-ranking officer around?”

A clone with a black streak going down the visor of his helmet walked into the hangar, sporting a DC-15X, and a short cloak. “‘Oi, mir’sheb, lay off ‘em.”

Gray sighed, and said “Fine, Deadshot. But you can make sure he doesn’t slack off instead. I can’t deal with that level of slacking.”

“I’m not a babysitter. Get someone who will actually listen to you to do that job.”

Gray looked at Deadshot, slowly placed the datapad on a nearby crate, and stepped forward. “ARC-401/39, I don’t know what your major malfunction is, but just because I’m not the Captain or Lieutenant Capyr doesn’t mean I don’t outrank you.”

“Cut the osik, smartass. I know you do. Doesn’t mean I’ll do your chores.”

Stitch stepped between his two superiors, holding out his arms to separate them. “Okay, okay, brothers. I think we can both agree this has escalated too far. Sir, how about I watch our resident lump of uselessness?”

Gray thought for a few seconds, then replied “Okay, Corporal. Make sure he actually does something. As for you, Deadshot, we’ll settle this later. I’m going to check in with the Captain, see if something’s wrong. The rest of the team should be-”

“Apologies, Gray. Had to diffuse me a conflict. Capyr and Adenn, as usual.” Gray and company turned to see Captain Ramser walking towards them, two ARCs and two Privates in tow. “Everything has been going well on your end, I hope.”

An anxious Gray bit his tongue under his helmet, and responded “Eh, not at all sir. All is fine.”

Ramser paused for a second, then shrugged. “If you say so. Now, I believe we a Larty to catch, a planet to land on, and a CIS base to infiltrate.”

A chorus of “Understood, sir,” followed, and the eleven clones walked towards the LAAT in silence. They knew what they were getting into. And they knew that they may not be able to count on each other during it.

Done