Wyn Yip
My new job as a SENIOR EXECUTIVE CONSULTANT SHELVING OPERITIVE OFFICE OfFICER (i got da badge!)
im having a few problems down at the job centre. basically, the staff there are sayin that ive been out of work for too long. i dunno. personally i dont think six years is a long time but they seem to see things differently.
so what theyve done is put me on this job restart programme. how it works is this: ive now got no choice in my life direction. they find me a job and if dont want it or dont show up for work then they take my benefit away. the problem is, i dont like any of the jobs they keep findin for me, so i keep getting booted out of one and then they keep havin to relocate me to another. they keep bollockin me, sayin i shouldnt make "so much fuss" and i should just "get on with it". but whats the point of doin a job if it only makes u miserable? where's the logic in that? i mean, if ur not happy in a job ur employer shud let u get out as soon as possible - otherwise ur gonna do shoddy work, spread all ur bad vibes and negative energy to the rest of the workforce and ultimately bring the company to its knees. no, my approach would be as follows: if an employee is unhappy in their job, dont be cruel, dont be pissy, HELP them to get out - and get them out QUICK. why not transfer them to a different part of the country? how about some sort of job swap? u know, like some sort of life exchange? let someone who wants to live in brighton whos currently living in bradford exchange jobs with someone whos currently living in brighton who wants to live in bradford. its not bloody rocket science is it. the main thing about engendering loyalty is to employ people who really want to do the job - DO NOT under any circumstances keep someone in a job who cant stand doing it. FFS. how f--kin stupid are we as an animal race? i mean, how many more years of mindless f**king drudgery will we all have to endure before someone latches on to this? let me guess - HELL will freeze over before anyone latches onto the fact that we DONT have to be working by the miserable f**king standards of an industrial age that died on its arse in the 80's!
my problem though is that i havent found a job on this planet yet that i think "ooh, this is fun, i like this one." and thats because im a CREATIVE. and the TRUTH is, the real ROCK BOTTOM LINE is this: there aint no space for creativity in a market-driven economy. the message from the UK job market to creative is: "get the f**k out or curl up and die, cos there aint no place for u here, loser." and, yeah, its all very well seein these high-powered officey type job ads that say they are, quote, "creative", but more often than the most creative it gets is working out how to "create" a spreadsheet in excel or insert a table in Word. well, f**k my old boots and call me a numb nuts but i don't know why they don't just advertise for Vincent Van Gogh or a proper Picarsole.
mmm, so this picture shows me turning up for my first day at WTF Cheap-As-FukC Homestores in my exciting new role as Executive Warehouse Consultant Shelving Operative Orifficer. well, at least the job title makes my life seem a whole lot less shit. in fact, i am thrice proud, since i have been awarded a medal with my job title on it. i polish it every day by hacking up flem and gobbing on it. then i spend hours staring at myself lovingly in its brassy reflection.
the relationship between myself and my new employer is truly harmonious. QUOTE: "i can safely say that the job restart action was a truly expert piece of strategic thinking on the part of the job centre workforce."
LMFAO. F*ck we're so f**king dumb as a species it's unreal. when are we gonna get UBI?
My new job as a SENIOR EXECUTIVE CONSULTANT SHELVING OPERITIVE OFFICE OfFICER (i got da badge!)
im having a few problems down at the job centre. basically, the staff there are sayin that ive been out of work for too long. i dunno. personally i dont think six years is a long time but they seem to see things differently.
so what theyve done is put me on this job restart programme. how it works is this: ive now got no choice in my life direction. they find me a job and if dont want it or dont show up for work then they take my benefit away. the problem is, i dont like any of the jobs they keep findin for me, so i keep getting booted out of one and then they keep havin to relocate me to another. they keep bollockin me, sayin i shouldnt make "so much fuss" and i should just "get on with it". but whats the point of doin a job if it only makes u miserable? where's the logic in that? i mean, if ur not happy in a job ur employer shud let u get out as soon as possible - otherwise ur gonna do shoddy work, spread all ur bad vibes and negative energy to the rest of the workforce and ultimately bring the company to its knees. no, my approach would be as follows: if an employee is unhappy in their job, dont be cruel, dont be pissy, HELP them to get out - and get them out QUICK. why not transfer them to a different part of the country? how about some sort of job swap? u know, like some sort of life exchange? let someone who wants to live in brighton whos currently living in bradford exchange jobs with someone whos currently living in brighton who wants to live in bradford. its not bloody rocket science is it. the main thing about engendering loyalty is to employ people who really want to do the job - DO NOT under any circumstances keep someone in a job who cant stand doing it. FFS. how f--kin stupid are we as an animal race? i mean, how many more years of mindless f**king drudgery will we all have to endure before someone latches on to this? let me guess - HELL will freeze over before anyone latches onto the fact that we DONT have to be working by the miserable f**king standards of an industrial age that died on its arse in the 80's!
my problem though is that i havent found a job on this planet yet that i think "ooh, this is fun, i like this one." and thats because im a CREATIVE. and the TRUTH is, the real ROCK BOTTOM LINE is this: there aint no space for creativity in a market-driven economy. the message from the UK job market to creative is: "get the f**k out or curl up and die, cos there aint no place for u here, loser." and, yeah, its all very well seein these high-powered officey type job ads that say they are, quote, "creative", but more often than the most creative it gets is working out how to "create" a spreadsheet in excel or insert a table in Word. well, f**k my old boots and call me a numb nuts but i don't know why they don't just advertise for Vincent Van Gogh or a proper Picarsole.
mmm, so this picture shows me turning up for my first day at WTF Cheap-As-FukC Homestores in my exciting new role as Executive Warehouse Consultant Shelving Operative Orifficer. well, at least the job title makes my life seem a whole lot less shit. in fact, i am thrice proud, since i have been awarded a medal with my job title on it. i polish it every day by hacking up flem and gobbing on it. then i spend hours staring at myself lovingly in its brassy reflection.
the relationship between myself and my new employer is truly harmonious. QUOTE: "i can safely say that the job restart action was a truly expert piece of strategic thinking on the part of the job centre workforce."
LMFAO. F*ck we're so f**king dumb as a species it's unreal. when are we gonna get UBI?